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#1
Nov 26, 2011, 01:22 PM
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I keep wanting to write something on here but I don't know what to say. I'm just too lonely.
 I can't make friends. Even online it just seems so difficult nowadays. Most of the time I have no one to talk to. Everyone ignores me on all the social networking sites and I don't want to keep bothering everyone. My best friends met up yesterday.. well I think they did and they didn't even ask me if I wanted to come. I just don't feel like they're even my best friends anymore. Well actually I've always felt like that a bit. I'm so sure they like spending time with each other more than me. I can't even talk to them about my problems or anything and isn't that what you're supposed to be able to do with best friends? I'm so fed up with being indoors all the time but I've got nowhere to go and nothing to do. I can't stand this I feel like I have no one anymore. No one cares anymore. I just wanted someone to talk to.
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#2
Nov 26, 2011, 01:29 PM
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Have you ever volunteered in a nursing home or assisted care center? Or a veterans' hospital? Lots of chance to visit & talk there. Talk about yourself, too. Practice social & friend skills.
A lot of the folks here aren't drugged-up dottering old foggies. Many are still in full possession of their minds, they have simply outlived friends and family or at least those who care. In fact they feel a lot like many of us do. Just a thought.
__________________
roads & Charlie |
 Marla500, missbelle
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#3
Nov 26, 2011, 01:53 PM
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@ downfall....i guess a lot of my questions are going to stem from your age...if I may ask?
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#4
Nov 26, 2011, 01:57 PM
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Sometimes we lack adequate brain wiring through neglect in our upbringing. Playfulness in a family structure helps build social skills for the adult power structures, which lie ahead. If this is of interest, read Dr. Bruce Perry's books, The Boy Who Was Raised by Dogs and Born for Love. His easy to understand books helped me realize attachment issues from a biological basis. Now my therapy has a purpose: rebuilding those purged or broken pathways. I also take Citalopram, which helps tremendously to even out my emotions. Most of my decisions for sixty years have been anxiety-driven; now thanks to this medication and cognitive behavior therapy for the last two years, my motivations have a basis of contentment as the starting point. The word autonomy was not taught in my core home. I thought like a child most of my adult life, blaming others for not making my world safe and sound. When I "took back my power," autonomy began. Now I look to therapists as guides towards my separation from childhood structure and find adult independence, which includes interdependence. The latter baffles me at times because I've learned to read negative signals quite well, but often miss the more positive boundary cues in others. So my therapist helps me learn and practice boundaries to not only "read others" but to keep myself in check. Learning to speak I-statements has been life giving! It's a journey. Some of us may struggle in the process more than others, but redefining our lives is worth it. We have many new and better coping tools available in the village. Discerning is what builds a sense of self. May you learn to be gentle on yourself in that process as you look to the bread crumbs on your healing pathway. Your brain and body are on your side: learning to listen and learn is the challenge we are all worthy of. May it help you to know that I agree with you about forums. Thousands of people are on them, which can make it feel doubly lonely--like being lost in the crowd. Sharing your truth is good, for doing so gives others a chance to get to know you. There is no one person who has all the answers. We each bring crumbs of what we've picked up so far, and hunger in what we haven't. Should you want to dialogue more about this, I will be glad to do so. Susan Q.  |
| DownfallOfUsAll
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#5
Nov 26, 2011, 05:46 PM
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@downfall: I understand where you're coming from.
 I hate being lonely so much...I don't really feel a reprieve coming here but, to me, it's better than nothing. At least I'm not talking to myself.  @susan: What you said really helps, thanks. I have learned most of this in therapy but have forgotten it. I don't feel like I was able to work on it too well for some reason but it all sounds familiar. Thank you. 
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#6
Nov 26, 2011, 06:54 PM
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#7
Nov 26, 2011, 06:57 PM
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#8
Nov 26, 2011, 07:42 PM
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How about volunteering at a place you don't have to talk much...like your library or a food place that gives out food. You would be doing something with people but only needed to interact when you wanted too.... but 18 is a tough age anyway...!!
Thinking of you;
__________________
Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich The road to hell is paved with good intentions. "And psychology has once again proved itself the doofus of the sciences" Sheldon Cooper 
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#9
Nov 26, 2011, 09:16 PM
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#10
Nov 26, 2011, 10:45 PM
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I am a terrible procrastinator so I understand it is hard to take that first step towards doing anything! (don't look into my laundry basket
 ) but if you choose a place of interest to volunteer, or maybe take a fun class, maybe you will make a new friend there, one with whom you will have something in common with. As for your other friends who did not include you, maybe you all are not meant to be friends anyways. and that's ok. Some times it takes a while to find true friendship. Next...!
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#11
Nov 26, 2011, 11:08 PM
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#12
Nov 27, 2011, 04:16 PM
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[[[downfall..]]]]
I know how you feel. It is very hard. I have only one offline friend and I can't even get a date, not even on dating sites and it hurts, I hate being lonely. I just want you to know that you are not alone and you have a friend in me. I hope that things get better for you very soon. Loneliness sucks!
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| DownfallOfUsAll
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#13
Nov 27, 2011, 09:43 PM
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try alonelylife.com
nice forum
__________________
In depression . . . faith in deliverance, in ultimate restoration, is absent. The pain is unrelenting, and what makes the condition intolerable is the...feeling felt as truth...that no remedy will come -- not in a day, an hour, a month, or a minute. . . . It is hopelessness even more than pain that crushes the soul.-William Styron |
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#14
Nov 28, 2011, 12:17 PM
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I understand completely and have felt that way ever since I had to quit working 9 years ago. Lunch at work was my entire social life and that was okay then. Until just recently, after starting Abilify, I could not go out of the house to a place where there were lots of people I didn't know, so how could I make friends! Things have changed for the better for me now, but I totally understand. If someone from our church used to come to the house (I had not gone for 15 years), I would hide in the computer room in order to avoid them, even though I long for real friends. Life does not seem fair, but I did learn to try to have thoughts of things will not be as bad tomorrow as they are today.
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| DownfallOfUsAll
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#15
Nov 28, 2011, 08:36 PM
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#16
Nov 28, 2011, 10:59 PM
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Hi Downfall--I'm glad you laughed at my post. I thought about it today and thought you might take it as me minimizing your pain, and that certainly would not have been my intention. I understand how hard it is for you. It is hurtful at any age to be left out. I hope that your friends were not mean about it. Not sure if this will help you but for myself, I have finally learned that I cannot make someone feel something that they don't feel, whether it be regarding relationships with friends or with mates. I wish I had learned that sooner. I guess they don't call it growing pains for nothing... As for you being shy, I used to very shy myself. but here and there I would click with someone one on one and that was how I made some friends. I do wish I had more friends myself too though. But I will keep trying and I hope that you will too. So hang in there and take good care of yourself.
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#17
Nov 28, 2011, 11:23 PM
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I spent many years feeling exactly like you. Believe me, I didn't have a single friend. But about 3 months ago I started going to meet these new guys at a meeting place after my boyfriend took my down there. Now I have so many friends, and they appear to love me to bits. I created a status on Facebook asking for people to like it if they considered me to be a friend and I got 50 likes - if I did that 5 months ago I would have gotten 5 at maximum.
Basically, I'm boring you with my life story just to get to this: the moral of the story. You just need to wait. You'll find the people that accept you for who you are eventually. You just need to find the right people!  ♥ |
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#18
Nov 29, 2011, 07:31 PM
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When I was younger I used to be able to make a few friends even though I was so quiet but now it seems so much harder unfortunately.. Thank you very much
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| TerryL
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#19
Nov 29, 2011, 07:32 PM
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Yeah I know.. it guess it just gets hard some days being on my own so much. I just need to find a way to occupy my time somehow! Thanks!
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