Why do some depressed people fake that they are fine?

I'm just curious as to the reasonings behind this.

Well, life goes on. No one wants to hear that you're depressed again. So, you put as best a happy face as you can and you go to work or shopping or visiting relatives or whatever. It's survival instinct. You may be depressed but you still have to work to have funds to eat and see your T.

Some T's have recommended that, when depressed, I "pretend as if." For instance, pretend that everything is all right. Some T's believe that pretending like this eventually makes it so. Frankly, it has never worked for me!

Right, unhappyguy. It's never worked for me either. There's an expression, " Fake it till you make it," that is (I think) more pop than actual psychology--though I've heard serious therapists actually recommend it. Seems to me it's more to help those people around us who don't want to hear it any more.

I agree with Styron's observation, SophiaG. It's hopelessness that's the biggest killer around here. If I think there's going to be help for me maybe next year, I can hold on with some degree of fortitude. But when that maybe drifts more towards maybe never? Oou... *thinkin' maybe I'm outta here*

I have had days where my depression made me either leave work early or just not go in. The problem with that is staying alone at home doesn't make it any better... honestly there is no relief no matter where I go or what I do.

But I have to push through each day... I still have to work and carry on. Somedays are fine and I feel ok, while others I may have some depression but not so depressed I can't function.

I guess I just put on my fake "normal" (not happy) face and carry on looking forward to those "ok" or "numb" days.

I think a lot of people might be following the advice, "Fake it 'til you make it," which IMO is a crock. It's basically saying, if you pretend the problem isn't there, it will go away.

Edited to say, whoops, roadrunner already said that. There we go again, thinking alike.

How about damage control? World does not stop because you are depressed.... and if you give in things are gonna be so much worse in the end, when you realize how much you squandered and... you will be depressed again. I took extra year and three months to finish my BA degree, because of stupid whim, because I was allowed to do so.... and because I felt "not now, just not now"... yes, year is nothing compared to my whole life.... but it tends to accumulate.

Also... nobody wants to be around a depressed person all the time. Especially if they cannot really help. To maintain some social contact.... one has to fake.

I wonder why do people with issues feel so bad about "faking" something. Billions of people fake they like their job everyday, pretend they don't hate their neighbors and some of their family members and bosses. Pretend that things are fine, when they are not. It's life. It's how it goes.

I do it all the time. It's not something I share with everyone just for th simple fact that some that I have confided in told me to suck it up and get over it.

I've been sent home from work because of it and I now have to pretend nothing bothers me just so I can pay my bills.

When I read your question, SophiaG. I assumed you meant pretending to be fine with the t or others who you should be telling (significant other, yourself!) For me, with my t, I pretend to be fine with certain emotions/situations because I am not ready to deal with these emotions, I think. I believe that we both know I am not being honest, but she is allowing me to admit the cause of depression when I am able to do so.

If you are talking about work or in other social situations, I would believe it to be selfish at times if we expose ourselves and make others uncomfortable. I definitely keep it quiet at work-I like my job!

Bluemountains

As a person with issues, I'm wondering why the rest of you (without issues, I guess) don't feel bad about faking so much. Billions of people? If billions of people need to pretend things are fine when nothing is, isn't that a pretty sick way of living life?

What bothers me is that people struggling daily get asked, "How are you?" and are expected to answer, "Fine." If they agree to play along with the Game of Pretend, aren't they just conforming to that "profoundly sick society" of which Krishnamurti speaks so eloquently?

I see your point... but.... I just like to pick my battles. And breaking yourself while trying to change the system will not do anybody any good... I will be the first to criticize problems in society. However, I do not like to whine... me feeling bad is my problem and I can confess that to family or friends and whatnot, but the rest of world does not care.

I call it diplomacy. It saves lifes and troubles, so in the end, it probably is not that evil. And I am all for higher good. What good will it do to let people down just because I feel depressed and it would be fake to pretend I am not? In the end they would feel bad. Would you feel better if people told you to your face they hate your guts?

I don't think Krishnamaurti wanted us to be selfish and swayed by our emotions... come on, we do it more than enough.

I "fake" health when I'm depressed because I don't want to burden others. I feel really uncomfortable admitting to people in real life that something is wrong, or that I'm in pain. This goes beyond depression. When I was in elementary school, I tried to convince the nurse that I simply just had had too much oatmeal for breakfast when I vomited once. Turns out I had the flu...

Also, for awhile before I was diagnosed I was in denial about the depression. I overworked myself, forced myself to do as much of my normal routine as I could. I hated myself intensely for everything I wasn't able to accomplish. I couldn't stop pretending like nothing was wrong, because that would have entailed admitting to myself that something was wrong.

"How are you?" in this situation is a greeting, not a question! It's an acknowledgement of the other, usually an acquaintance, not an intimate.

We can only control our actions, not our thoughts or feelings. Yes, we can influence our thoughts and feelings, but it is what we "do" with our thoughts and feelings that is most important, not that they exist.

No one "fakes" that they are not depressed; they just act, positively instead of negatively. If you break an arm and it's in a cast and people then ask, "How's the arm?" most likely you will reply, "It's doing fine" because it is; it is healing and you are hopeful it will heal well.

As Dusty9838 says, acting depressed, going home from work early and/or staying in bed does not help anything and actually perpetuates one's problems because of the habits one gets into.

Performing healthy acts; smiling, exercising, eating well, can help with healing depression. One may not feel like smiling or exercising but do it because it is good for one and will help one feel better.

There is nothing wrong with feeling one way but acting in a way consistent with how one would like to feel (having economic problems but helping others who might be less well off economically, for example); the actions can make us feel better.

http://scienceblogs.com/cognitivedai...l_better_w.php

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...il-you-make-it

I see your point too.

My problem isn't with your idea of diplomacy as much as it is with what I see people accepting (corruption, e.g.) as probably not as bad as what so&so is doing. I don't want to let people down because I'm depressed & don't work; I want to be allowed to work while I'm depressed & maybe not smiling and do my job even so. I've been told to my face, "I hate you," & didn't like it but survived. I prefer that to gossip that catches up to me eventually, after I've mistakenly trusted someone.

I just don't think that hardily disliking pretense and preferring honesty means I'm swayed by my emotions or selfish. Granted, to destroy myself trying to force my preference on the world would be suicidal foolishness--but just holding the preference doesn't revolk my Existentialist-in-Good-Standing card, does it?

I consider myself an existentialist as well. But I don't think that pretending I am not depressed in front of people I don't care about, but who might possibly use my weakness.... does change that.

I guess being from country where we are not required to smile unless we have something to smile about makes it easier

Ah. Yes ... From that viewpoint, I agree entirely. Seems we've come full circle!
Another interesting discussion. Thanks.

I don't really fake that I'm "fine" but my honesty is variable. Some people don't need to know anything. Some people "can't handle the truth."

A lot of time, if I'm putting on an act, it's because I can't handle the interactions that would come from an honest representation of my mood. And like others have said, the world keeps turning and I have to get through the day one way or another and other people get worn out by someone who's always down (boy who cried wolf syndrome).

I'm also in an early career position and showing any signs of weakness is opening yourself up to scrutiny that could be problematic down the road. I have genuine concerns about my MI causing problems with work, but I don't think that should prevent me from trying.

I'd like to note a few things here, please, in the process of thinking it through.

1. Although I do think "fake it 'til you make it" is a crock, there are times when it is right to just suck it up and do what you need to do, despite how you feel. Plodding through and functioning even though you are in a depression, is in my opinion equal to going to work anyway, even though you have a sprained ankle, and hopping around or using a cane while doing your job.

2. I don't see the above as "faking" anything. I see it as adapting. If you go to work on a sprained ankle, it doesn't mean you're pretending you don't have one. It's wrapped, and you're favoring the injured ankle by not putting weight on it. Presumably you might be taking pain meds as well. You have taken care of yourself. You're not ignoring it.

3. Similarly, you can acknowledge, at least to yourself, that you feel like crap. You don't have to pretend you're not depressed in order to work through it anyway. Feeling is one thing. Doing is another.

4. This is probably just me, but whenever I'm acting like I'm "normal" or "competent," an inner voice keeps telling me I'm being a phony, and that's not who I really am. Still, if I'm going to get anything done that needs to be done, I've got to go right on acting "normal," even if it does make me feel like a phony.

5. Does that mean I *am* a phony? No. Feeling like one doesn't make it true.

6. Conclusion, then, I see "faking" as more the denial of the fact that you're depressed, even though you are, instead of merely carrying on anyway, and doing your job.

Sadly I equate depression to having a broken arm in a cast that you MUST HIDE, and then saying "Oh, I'm fine." and smiling, misleading the other person into thinking you're perfectly healthy and no cast or broken arm exists at all.

Then you are asked to lift something and are forced to pretend again that the cast/broken arm isn't there to keep up with the facade, damaging your healing.

I don't want to let people I don't trust in, it's that simple really.

Sophia: That's society's fault. Damn stigma.

Well for me it's kind of keeping my guard up and try to keep from getting hurt from those who could care less.

The stigma goes many ways. I don't want to be percieved as incompetent idiot either... which sadly some of the stigma reducers imply when they are trying to explain how godawful depression is. Mind you it is godawful, but in a different way.

(recently there was a blog on PC on what to not buy to your depressed friends. Apparently, we cannot read unless it's short sentenses, need our music pre-approved and cannot handle getting chocolate).

please pre approve my music because i cannot listen to anything besides justin bieber and buy me peanutbutter brittle instead. kthxbai.

I'll check out that blog entry. Sounds interesting.

here http://blogs.psychcentral.com/depres...th-depression/