Daily Check In - Ups and Downs

Starting to feel a little sick.

I'm spending my Christmas alone...I'm not sure if I'm really ok with that or am I trying to make myself be ok with it 8\

As a threshold, I have decided worrying has me worried.

I love the new iron my hubby gave me for Christmas this year!

Really. It is exactly the one I've been wanting (cuz I sew) and it was way too much money for me to spend on it. He must think I'm worth it.

Plus he wants his shirts ironed.

REALLY.

I'm going to have to let out all my clothes afting eatting dinner with our friends. The 'eatting healthy and walking more' starts tomorrow. again

new to the forums. feeling a little blah. think its the post crristmas blues or something. btw as an into, 34 year old woman with depression and anxiety.

Today is just as bad as the rest of them. I keep waiting like everyone says but it never gets any better. If anything it gets progressively worse.

Well, how nice to have an hour to spend doing absolutely nothing and feel really guilty about it!! Can't win.

I am wore out. glad it is over.

'Twas the day after Christmas and all through the house, not a creature is stirring - except me! Hub and sons are still sleeping, so the house is quiet. I love it!

Hi, pianolady and jimjam! Welcome to PC!

Today is kinda meh. Need to work out the budget for next month, ugh. I know my husband really wants to get rid of the bills, but that's a really touchy subject right now.

Going to the store today was absolute pandemonium. I told my husband it would be that way, but he went early and it was okay. Had to go back this afternoon and the lines for the registers were halfway around the store. As we waited 20 minutes to go up and pay, I quietly said, "I told you so..."

I'm still withdrawling off of meds cold turkey. But doing better than I was over the weekend. I've pretty much been depressed the whole time since a few days ago. with it not really being anything else.
I'm hungry but cant eat.
I'm sleepy but cant sleep.
I'm achey.
I lack in my chores. normally i take my dog out atleast 4 times a day. i'm about to goto bed and he's only been out once. and will get out a second time before I hit the bed. but.. I dont even wanna do that. and I had to drag myself with extreme effort just to take him out the first time.
Nothing really bad, or really good happened today.. It was an uneventful day.
I feel sick too..
And i keep getting weak and fainty like.
I have been having panic attacks for no reason at all, that last for the remained of the day once they hit. (this is from withdrawls too).
And I have been to the bathroom so much I will definantly be looking into a softer toliet paper, because i can barely sit down.
a depressed, sick, achey, distant, not good day.
Which is an improvement from the horrible days i've had over the weekend since the whole cold turkeying the meds thing happened.

MY oldest daughter (aged 9) is fighting panic tonight. Brings back strong memories for me & lots of sympathy for her. Poor thing!

I'm strong for her today. Still sad, but not overwhelmingly.
Thank goodness!

...the morning is always the hardest time...I wake like I have never done it before,....but I reminded myself that, yes I have done this before, and even though I have trouble planning beyond a minute or two or three?
I did some gardening and ate out for lunch...by myself...but that was ok.
said hello to my neighbour...even did some smalltalk...which I often just cannot do! an ok day

these forums are very helpful

I have had my mother in-law here since christmas eve and I do like her but she is not doing my anxiety and mental health any good at all, Her sister is coming for dinner today too will be a mad house She is going home tonight and tbh I can't wait so I can have my home back to normal. I have had 2 migraine attacks over christmas.

There was a period of several months when I was very down in the mornings and positively cheerful in the evenings.

yeh isn't it strange?....utterly smothered in the morning... body and mind in a storm cloud..or just really heavy fog...

I guess in the evenings, the bright pressure of the day to 'feel better' has subsided...and it's a relief just to have made it!

It's like a little miracle reward...a whisper in the ear about that time that reminds us that things can be ok because I have perservered or something like that.

sure it might gloom up a bit as the night really arrives...but I remember that evening cheer up also. shame about the mornings. I have tried staying awake just to avoid them alltogether. didn't work for long.

Usually in the evening..my appetite is better to...and some of the world has wound down as well

Decided to ditch school with a friend, but she decided she wanted to go in after work. So I stayed at home in bed. Got anxiety about T's appt & when I went, today's session was very frustrating. Now I'm at home & my cat scratched me playing with the other cat. I'm feeling crappy & about to take my sleeping pills because I don't want to think or feel anything for the rest of the night.

I feel better and more optimistic in the evenings, too; maybe it does have to do with "things outside" winding down, and I have a better appetite at night. Sometimes I dread the daytime before my new meds started today; would look at a beautiful dawn sky only to realize I had nothing to look forward to, but was alive. I start swimming this week, to rev up my body; I'm looking to enjoy that, 'cause I've always loved to swim as work and enjoyment.

Have to see the financial planner this afternoon. Don't want to go, but I must. I hate conflict.

Negative thoughts are overwhelming this week. Feelings of regret, failure, loss, sadness, rejection are high. Alarming thoughts are taking control, and what once worked isn't working.

Ups, had a good day with family, sun was out, exercised a little bit. Had counseling session again, first in a long time. Learning how I view things are a learned behavior from past trauma.

I hate when new years come around & people make it a big issue to leave "bad" things in this year. It's frustrating because all I can say is in the new year I will be working on a better me to be able to leave all that is not good for me in the past. Just because it's a new year doesn't make my problems disappear. I still will have these same issues in 2012...all I can do is work towards my healing. I'm not perfect & everything won't be resolved in 2 days.

a bit weird today. despite having someone visit, which I havent arranged for many years, I still didnt do to well. just feel like i dont have any control over what matters

tried to help myself by inviting someone to see my place, which i havent done for a long time, but it jsut didnt help enough.

Had a slip-up in my dual-diagnosis treatment on Xmas eve. That always makes my MI worse for a few days. Even with my low mood I still doing the things that will keep helping me move forward through this rough spot.

Why do people have to joke about rape? I'm pretty sure if they've been thru it...maybe they will think twice before they speak!!!!!

Trying to figure out why I can feel "up" in the morning and then rapidly go "down" as the day progresses. Nature of the beast, I guess.