ahhhh!

i can't. i just can't do this any more! i'm overwhelmed. it's too much! the pain - it doesn't stop. it just keeps coming. i need it to end! i just can't do this any more... why is this happening to me? what did i do to deserve this? it just hurts so much! i don't know what to do anymore. it's hopeless. nothing's ever going to work. i'm doomed to live this hell forever. IT HURTS! it's torture from inside me! i've started crying at random times, sometimes at work. what if someone sees me? what do i say? then again nobody has noticed that anything's off with me. i guess i'm invisible - i guess i don't mater after all. so who am i fighting for? i don't care about me anymore. i don't end it because i don't want to hurt my loved ones... does anything mater anymore? isn't life suposed to have more happiness than this? without my husband, i'd have absolutley nothing. l know - i'm ranting and don't make sense. when i'm imersed in my sorrow, i overlook my love for my husband... i know, i know... i have to focus on that more...

Oh curly, I am so sorry you are in so much unbearable pain...I've been there myself and I never thought the torture would end..but it did (knock wood). I had to process much to get there.. what about you? Are you processing in some way?

Life is hard and I was where you are at just a few shorts months ago.

It does get better, I promise.

At the very least, there are people that love you and would never want to see you go before your time.

This concerns me. Lack of happiness is one thing; constant torment -- physical or psychic -- can drive one mad.

Years ago a T told me that I should treat my own problem set as the functional equivalent of chronic pain. At the very least such an approach may offer you useful ideas.

• WebMD on Chronic Pain Treatment
• PC Chronic Pain Support Forum

I'm sorry you are going through this. Please try to keep posting, Curlydee.

I feel your pain. I swear I'm going through this too. It just hits me at the strangest times and my stomach knots up and I feel like I have to vomit. I see no light at the end of the tunnel at all. I have no one in my life to help, no job, and a divorce in the works that has made me lose my wife. Some days I able to talk myself into feeling better but most times it's this horrible dread that I feel. I try to find the good in my situation but there is none at all. I don't see any hope at all. I need help but I have no one to help me. It all seems so hopeless like why should I keep going if I am doomed to suffer like this. I have no friends and my family doesn't help much if at all and sometimes they just bring me down more. I have a young daughter and she is all I have to keep me going but I find myself thinking that maybe she is better off without me. I cry all the time even now when I am typing this. I can't deal with this roller coaster.

I'm sorry for writing all this on ur post but I wanted u to know that I feel ur pain, literally. Please count yourself lucky to even be employed.

I also see that you have a husband and that too is a blessing. Its easier said than done but you can get through this.

Oh Curly! I feel so bad for you! I wish I could wave a magic wand and take your torment away.

You said "i've started crying at random times, sometimes at work. what if someone sees me? what do i say? then again nobody has noticed that anything's off with me. i guess i'm invisible"

You aren't alone there! During my worst times I used to cry at work, too. I kept kleenex at my desk, and just let the tears flow. I noticed that not a lot of people asked what was wrong, and I think it was because they wanted to give me some privacy. (You don't get much privacy in a cubicle on the end of the aisle!) I think others were embarrassed for me. It's kind of awkward to see a grown woman crying, and most people don't know what to do about it. Do you have a space at work where you can get some privacy during a crying jag?

My tears, too, just come for no reason, and I get absolutely embarrassed sometimes at the places where they appear. At the dinner table, because the meat is too tough to chew. On the way home from a great day at the mall. In church, mashed in among a hundred other people. Standing at the sink, doing the dishes. Just random places. It's a pain in the butt, and I don't know how to stop it, but I want you to know you aren't alone there.

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this, Buggs, Curly, and Shirshadowd (and others). It does sound like you are in a very difficult place. I wonder if there is someone you can talk to - have you thought about calling a hotline when you feel like things are getting really tough. It is clear you want help. Are you able to talk to a professional?

I'm definitely open to talk to someone. I sometimes go whole days without speaking or interacting with anyone. I have absolutely no support. I feel crippled, like I can't do anything. I just wish I could go to sleep and never wake up sometimes. I hardly see my daughter anymore due to distance, luckily my soon to be exwife brings her to me every other weekend.

Can you go and talkto your primary care physician? This isn't a a good feeling and you shouldn't have to deal with this - "like I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up."

Have you tried journaling or getting your feelings out on paper?

I'm sorry to hear your daughter isn't local. I live far away from my family (well, not that far), but I do know that it is difficult for my parents that I'm not near by. At least you have something to look forward to....seeing her. Hang in there.

Well I'm unemployed so I do not have medical insurance. I don't really have a regular doctor that I go to. It's not to often that I feel like I don't want to wake up but it's like one in four days I feel like that. I was definitely feeling that way earlier today. I have been depressed for many years trying meds on and off. I lost a very good job making good money and that also has devestated me. I feel like a failure in every sense of the word. My confidence is shot. Every day I struggle with myself to stop feeling the way I do. I have almost what I would say internal conversations with myself to try to feel better. My mind often just wanders to negativity and I argue with myself to stay positive. If that makes sense. Sometimes I win sometimes I lose. My situation in reality is not good at all but some days I'm able to make myself feel good although it's rare. Then bam, I wake up the next day depressed again. It's sooo frustrating. I used to smoke ALOT of marijuana and I guess that just covered things up, making me feel ok while I was high. It's been 2 months now that I have stopped. Idk what to do.

Jeez it's like 5 in the morning i just woke up in dread. This is what happens to me. I wake up feeling hopeless with my stomach cringing. I reached out a little bit to my sister an she blew me off. I am completely alone. I just wanted to talk to her, I honestly feel like she doesn't want to hear it. Like she thinks I'm just whining. Idk. It hurts though. My life just seems to be hurt after hurt after hurt, a never ending cycle. Again, why, what's the point? This is the lowest I have ever been in my life and I have had some really low points.

sometimes i actually wish for something like cancer so i'd have a pain that others could actually understand. heck, i don't even truly understand what i'm going thru. my psychologist has been great, talking to me twice a day and seeing me twice a week. but then again, nothing helps - why am i wasting her time - nothing will make a difference... even if it does get better, it WILL come back - it always does - and each time it surprises me and is somehow worse - which is mindblowing. why is this happening to me? i don't want to do this any more! i can't...

I'm glad you have such a good T. Sometimes it takes time to work through one's issues. or perhaps it might just take one special insight one day to make all the difference. Please keep trying.