I'm sorry about this. I know no one will probably read this and I'm just a burden on everyone. But I just need to know, I'm at the end of my rope.

I won't go into the delusions and hallucinations now because I've brought them up before and probably just annoys you further. I feel helpless, hopeless and unhappy, all of the time. I have no hope, I have no motivation and I don't see the point in anything anymore. I want to press a button and let the ground swallow me. I hate myself so much, I want to SI again but I promised my mother I wouldn't. Everyone hates me and has turned against me. I want to kill myself and a voice keeps telling me to or my mother will die. I feel depressed and I hate being in social situations. I feel paranoid a lot and don't like anything I used to. I can't find joy in barely anything anymore. I am extremely anxious and lonely most of the time and I have no one to talk to. I feel empty, detatched from everything and everyone.

I can't trust anyone. They will turn against me and they hate me anyway. I am worthless. I cry a lot and feel tired constantly. I can sleep for about nine hours and feel shattered from the minute i wake up to when i fall asleep. I have moments of feeling intense and unstoppable, and I make rash decisions, but then I crash back down again. I feel trapped and really irritable. I don't deserve anything I have and I don't know what to do anymore. I can't even remember what being truly happy feels like.

What is wrong with me. Is this depression in your opinion? Or something else?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by WelcomeToTheJungle

I'm sorry about this. I know no one will probably read this and I'm just a burden on everyone. But I just need to know, I'm at the end of my rope.

I won't go into the delusions and hallucinations now because I've brought them up before and probably just annoys you further. I feel helpless, hopeless and unhappy, all of the time. I have no hope, I have no motivation and I don't see the point in anything anymore. I want to press a button and let the ground swallow me. I hate myself so much, I want to SI again but I promised my mother I wouldn't. Everyone hates me and has turned against me. I want to kill myself and a voice keeps telling me to or my mother will die. I feel depressed and I hate being in social situations. I feel paranoid a lot and don't like anything I used to. I can't find joy in barely anything anymore. I am extremely anxious and lonely most of the time and I have no one to talk to. I feel empty, detatched from everything and everyone.

I can't trust anyone. They will turn against me and they hate me anyway. I am worthless. I cry a lot and feel tired constantly. I can sleep for about nine hours and feel shattered from the minute i wake up to when i fall asleep. I have moments of feeling intense and unstoppable, and I make rash decisions, but then I crash back down again. I feel trapped and really irritable. I don't deserve anything I have and I don't know what to do anymore. I can't even remember what being truly happy feels like.

What is wrong with me. Is this depression in your opinion? Or something else?

Im sorry but we cant tell you if this is depression or not. all we can do is tell you what these symptoms were called with in us by our own treatment providers.

in me these symptoms were-
PTSD
medication problems - medication too high/too low/ not the right kind
dissociation problems
psychosis brought on by medications
bipolar disorder
dehydration
poor diet
the flu
seasonal depression

I also know some people with these same symptoms and their problem was -
schizophrenia disorders
borderline personality disorder
PTSD
panic/Anxiety disorders
cancer
Alzheimer's

if you google your symptoms you will find these same symptoms fit millions of physical and mental health disorders/diseases.

only your treatment provider can tell you what these symptoms are with in you.

my suggestion contact your treatment providers. they can narrow down all the possible diseases /disorders down to what ever this is with in you.

[shezbut]

I'm sorry that you're feeling so miserable and unloved.

I can relate to a lot of the symptoms you posted. I can understand that you feel these things, see, and hear things. Sounds like you need to work with a doctor asap for diagnosis and medication/s to help make life a little more liveable.

I wish that I could help you feel better ~ and tell you what needs to be done. Of course, I can't do that. I can only strongly encourage you to please get some assistance.

[gma45]

Sorry you are feeling this way, You have really been having a rough go of it lately. I am sorry I am not a Dr. so I am not allowed to diagnosis you. I wish you had someone you could talk to close to you Dr., Pastor, Help line, counselor, teacher. school nurse. Someone that could get you started on the road to recovery or at least get some of your symptoms under control. No one needs to live with such pain there is help out there for you. You will be happy again! You are not worthless! I have been where you are at and it is not fun. Things can change for the better if you try to find someone that you trust to listen to you, even if you only trust them a little bit. I wish you well. and I am never sick of someone posting if it helps keep it up!

[and_im_still_here]

you really should look for some assistance and get help, keep up dont let go of that rope and even if its feels like the end, its not. hold on tight!

[Mylifeisdepressing]

First of all, you are not a burden on us at all. And I we do not hate you! I dont know if you have depression, if you do you must have something else too. Like schizophrenia or something. I really think you should see a doctor about this. I think it would help you a lot to have some sort of medication and especially therapy. I have depression, and I know it's making me miserable, but I just started therapy and Prozac so hopefully I will start to get better . I really want you to be able to get some help too! (((WelcomeToTheJungle)))

[Umbral_Seraph]

People with schizophrenia very often suffer from depression.

Please please please get some help now, before you or someone gets injured. If your mother won't listen you must take the initiative and go over head; grandparents, school counselor, your doctor, someone who will help you.

[crazylife]

Hey,
If it helps take this test
http://www.real-depression-help.com/...ion-scale.html
then print out your results and question answers and take it to your doctor.
Good luck.