[feary]

I got off my meds 2 months ago and now my life is falling apart

everything was fine then boom suddenly a few days ago I hit bottom

is that possible?

I was on abilify and celexa

i hate being on meds it terrifies me

should I just go back on

now I will have to deal with the weird horrible symptoms of starting meds again

my life is destroyed

[Elana05]

Hi feary,

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so awful today.
I am sending many supportive thoughts your way.
Did the Celexa and the Abilify have side-effects that were causing you trouble?
I don't think you should have the same type of issues starting up again, now that you have been on the medication once. I mean, your body must be somewhat familiar with it now? Idk - Maybe someone else knows how that works? What is it that you dislike about being on meds?
If you get back on this combination maybe you could then try switching to something else.
Also, if you have tried a whole lot of medications, could you speak with your doctor about the possibility of trying TMS? http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/tra...lation/MY00185
I know someone who has gotten quite a bit of help from it. She had to spend some time arguing with her insurance company but now its being covered finally. She goes once a week.
E

[shezbut]

(((feary)))

I'm sorry that you're at a low point.

Have you noticed your mood lowering as these days have passed, or was it simply waking one day super-depressed for no apparent reason?

I'd recommend talking with your doctor about what you've been experiencing. I do have personal experience of fearing being medicated. I was pretty upfront about that with my doctor. The doctor was more careful on the med he tried and the dosage. As time passed, I needed medications for other chronic medical illnesses and quickly adjusted to side effects.

I've since grown over my anxiety about medications. I'm not happy to be on them, or eager to try new ones, but I've accepted that it's what I need to do to feel and be more healthy.

Very best wishes to you!

[feary]

Not doing well at all...

I called my pdoc and left a message

I feel so terrified about life and so depressed about everything

I can't get myself to do anything and if I do it is like climbing a mountain to do the smallest things

I feel overwhelmed raising my two small children alone and I feel like an awful mother

I can't eat

I feel impending doom

I feel strange physically as well like I have some terminal illness

sooo much anxiety

I started my meds again last night- just wondering how long before they start working

this cannot happen to me for my kids..

i'm so stupid...i should never have gone off the meds

just feel soo overwhelmed by life

i have so much to do but can't do anything

I started out being depressed more and more and then feeling exhausted all the time and then full blown anxiety the last few days

I wish I had friends or family or some people in my daily life...i feel so alone

[gma45]

I know it's not the same, but if you need anything I am here. It may take some time for your meds to start working again. Hopefully they will help with the anxiety soon though. You are not alone just try to remember that. Things will get done in do time, you are only one person, don't be so hard on yourself.

[doggiedo]

Why are you afriad of meds?
What type of side effects of starting meds are you speaking of?
Do the side effects outweigh the benefits of the meds?

To be honest, I could have written much of what you wrote, myself. I completely understand where you are coming from. PM me if you need someone to talk to. Hang in there.

[feary]

The meds cause me to have more anxiety, sleepiness, headaches, sweats at first before they start working and in general I just think it is healthier to be off the meds.

I am really falling hard- I am nonfunctional basically now

I can't eat, can't do things

I see no hope

I pray that these meds work soon if they don't then I am doomed

so very worried and terrified

I can't believe this is happening again and I allowed it- i am so stupid

[noneedtoknow]

Please don't beat yourself up for going off your meds. Im sorry you feel so bad for now-remember it is just for now, the meds should work again-get all the support/help/cheerleading you can in the meantime till you get stabilized. Keep posting here, reaching out.

[dazeofdolphins]

Believe in yourself. Know that you are a good mother and you are doing the best you can. What you are experiencing is normal and common both here at PC and elsewhere. Lots of people try to go off their meds, realize it is not always a good option, and then restart. I have gone through this before. It will get better. Be kind to yourself and know that it can take time to accept a diagnosis and proper treatment. Your behavior does not mean you deserve the harsh labels you gave yourself. Rejoin with your pdoc and cone up with a plan that you can both agree to. Then go give those beautiful children a hug as you allow yourself to feel proud you are managing so well, AND YOU ARE. I have been in your situation and I struggled with diagnoses and the forecast of a life-time of meds. It's hard and scary and confusing and it can make you angry! Please don't take the anger out on yourself - you and your kids don't deserve it. Try taking it a day at a time. But do be careful about suddenly starting or stopping meds since some need to be titraited up or down slowly for fear of dangerous side-effects. You sound conflicted but intelligent and invested in "doing the best thing". Maybe a T and a pdoc together can help you gain clarity. Also continue to use PC and ask us about our similar experiences. Maybe our stories can help you sort out your situation. It can't hurt!
Take care and feel better soon
Daze

[feary]

But I am hardly functional now

I do the bare minimum whereas just last week I was doing a million things a day and now I get terrified by even the thought of doing something

[dazeofdolphins]

Okay, I hear you. You feel hardly functional now. You are different than you were a week ago. You can do the bare minimum. You are terrified. Could these feelings be related to stopping meds ? Yes, perhaps. Could these feelings have to do with a specific diagnosis ? Again, yes, perhaps. I am not a Doctor and it is not my place to guess at what is causing what. But, YOU might be able to coordinate with the right professionals and figure out what is really going on. You might feel panic and desperate and stuck. I don't know- those are my words. But I believe ( and this is only a guess, take it or leave it) that your feelings and this state will pass. Yes, it must be uncomfortable, but right now there is no reason ( besides fear) to believe you will be like this for the rest of your life. Your kids have not lost their mother. You will feel better. Of course, you can challenge me on these statements. I don't know you but what is true is that I have been there and it did get better for me after I sorted out the meds and agreed with my pdoc and T on the diagnosis and treatment that made the most sense to me. Even though I thought I was a bad mom, when my thoughts cleared, I realized that by taking care of me, I was taking care of her. Even during the darkest days of my depression, people compliment me on my mothering skills. Strange, I know, and I had a hard time believing but in the end I trusted others and that helped me start to trust myself. I really believe you will get and feel better but I don't want to disrespect your feelings by overlooking them. Yes, it feels bad. That is real. I am not here to change you. I am here to support you. So, I'm really really sorry you feel this way. I hope you feel better soon.

All my best-
Daze