I don't want to live anymore

So sorry to hear your feeling like crap, just keep rolling on...you're not alone x

A distant family friend killed himself a week ago and yesterday a memorial service was held. No one expected suicide. It was a complete surprise. The father was devastated to say the least. The older sister who was very close was completely shattered because he never indicated he felt so depressed. The family's misery was palpable. As much as i would like to leave i could not do that to my Mother who still lives. Nor could i do that to the few who say they care. All i can say is hold on....rest...but do not let go.

I am the epitome of harm.
i've spent all day today barely tolerating everything around me. all day. suicide's been on my mind. and i come home to a message from a friend saying that the ".." message i left never helps... she left no indication that she wanted help before that.. i didn't know she needed help at the time.. but when i read it, that was just another blow to my chest saying 'you're useless'.. and i broke down. and left a huge message about it. and she messaged me back obviously very hurt and upset by what i'd said even though i was trying to apologize through the entire thing and took the weight for every fall just like i always do..

...
i can never help anyone.
all i do is hurt people.
i have no purpose.
i'm better off dead.
i can't even help my best friend.
there's nothing in this world for me.
all i do is hurt.
i'm better-off.. everyone's better off when i'm gone.

i know how u are felling and i fell the exact same way. i even started wrighting my suiside note gist in case i give up one day. and i even wrote a pome that day to get out some of my sadnis and i havent had a real smile for a year so if you want to give up maby wright a pome or somthing

I'm tired of trying to kill myself.. my will is gone. But I do hope I will die of cancer or some undiagnosed disease soon to end my horrible life so I have nothing to worry about, because I fear even if I did succeed in killing myself, I'd end up in hell, I'm not even that religious, but I'd rather trade this life on Earth for some happiness that I can control what I want to do in my life.
I feel exactly the same way with finances. Society makes you go to school to get a job; then with a job, you can't enjoy your life or kids very much at all. Then you retire or get fired with this economy, like I heard many people have got kicked out of a job before, it makes life a struggle. I didn't create that though, I was born into it.
I don't want to age either. But think of it this way: Our youth is going on to a new life, since we are unable to prevent us from our bodies changing.
It's like this song I have, female singer, dont have her name, but it's a song about having a mental scar... about it being a constant reminder of everything I ever felt "so don't ask yourself why I look at you with such disgrace because you were killin me slowly now I'm bleeding over time my wounds will heal, embedded in my mind is a mental scar." is what she sings. I searched on google, not there. the title should be "Mental Scar" rock song. I don't mean that at all a threat against you, it's something for you against people who make you feel down. probably it's a song that just never made it.. lmao. It's not Three Blind Jacks... lmao.. it's one girl singer. not MJ Law, I don't think... wow, it's not findable... I'll get it next time I'm online.
Yes if this world wasn't so f8teked up, it wouldnt be so bad. I am personally against dying in my sleep for some reason... But we aren't meant to control how we die. At least we will all die someday, sooner or later. The quran teaches that we can't really cause it to delay or quicken. It is a truth. But if anyone wants to deny that being a truth, then they can face up to God their thoughts, not me.

Excuse me, but I am an atheist and 'threats' of some hell if this life is to cruel to continue facing or 'promises' of some better time after eventual, natural death mean nothing to me. I don't want to impose on your faith, but I'd rather you not make allusions to it in order to sway my thought in any manner.

Being unable to stop the aging of my body is nothing new to me. It's part of why the idea of growing older is so horrifying. It's completely impossible to prevent without total interference (suicide). No imagining would make my body young again once it happens.

I can understand when someone is quoting lyrics, and to what general effect.

Everyone dies. This is simple fact. I could go into details here but I think that would press on your beliefs and I'd rather not make you uncomfortable. Simply put, I will never accept that a person has a 'set time' to die, only that our decisions, experience, genetic make-up, and societal and environmental factors are those things which shall affect how long a person may live.

Dear Silent Empath. I am so sorry for your pain. I guess after reading several pages of replies you can see that you are not alone in your feelings.

I offer you this...my own perspective. I have reached the conclusion that people don't really ever want to die. They just don't want to be in pain anymore. The pain seems like its too much to endue.

My wonderful, amazing brother took his life 10 days before his 21st birthday. I was seventeen at the time. It took me 10 years to move past his death.

Severe depression runs in my family. Another brother attempted to take his life in his early 20's. I tried taking mine six years ago. I flat lined in the ER. Remember being resuscitated. It was very traumatic. Became unconscious and was in a coma for four days.

The irony is, as bad as I felt, as bad as life was, life got worse...much worse. I won't go into the details. Life still is not what I want/need it to be. But by God, I have learned an incredible life lesson. I am strong! Much stronger than I ever thought. I accept the fact that despite being depressed I am able to put one miserable foot in front of the other and go on. And the more I am able to move forward the stronger I get and the easier it is. I am able to do this because one can not...must not accept the alternative.

I am not doing so well right now, but I am trying with all my heart and might because I know that even if life doesn't get any better, my feelings about life will. Oh to be able to appreciate and drink in the beauty of a starry night and feel a gentle breeze.

I pray you find your strength. You are stronger than you know! I hope this day finds you a little less lonely and a little more stronger.

P.S. I saw a bumper sticker once. It read "I died once. I did not like like it." At first, I was taken aback by the bumper sticker, then I heard myself laughing. It was funny because it was true. I died once. I did not like it! How fortunate am I that I am still around.

I am going to kill myself eventually.. it's seemed like an inevitability for years already. So many things about just continuing life are too painful. I don't know when, i will distance myself from everyone currently around me before, so that they aren't hurt as badly... but i will kill myself eventually..

Hi,

firstly, I think that sometimes people don't answer because we never know each other in details and what one person thinks might be the completely wrong way to think for another. So we don't answer because we are really worried.

I lived for the next step, I thought that this would make me happy. And I am sure that there's joy to come in my next steps, but you can't be happy if you're are not living in the moment you are physically living. I am still young, but I think that when we are at our oldest and looking back at our lives, it will feel as a split second. So live these split seconds, one second at a time. Do have hopes, dreams and goals. But don't forget to feel this moment, because 'soon' it will be gone.

As a wise old saying goes: Goals in life are great, but don't forget the road to the goal is life itself.

Also, I was deeply suicidal and I just wanted to say that it does get better. It can get better!! It might not always feel that way, but today I am stronger and hopeful and I value the lessons these feelings tought me and I thank god everyday that I did survive it, because it was worth it.

Best of luck! I hope you will soon find a way to start enjoying life again.

I understand completely, your opening statement has everything I have been wanting to put into words and writing. I am agnostic and don't believe there's anything out there except uncaring selfabsorbed users. When this ride is over I will be thankful.