[Caretaker Leo]

Hoping many others with depression will check in each day. Good day? Bad day? Post it here.

[Caretaker Leo]

I'll start by letting everyone know that today has been a mixed day. I did some reading to find possible ideas to help me through the stuff that has been bogging me down recently.

Yet, I still want to sit here and cry "poor me".

[pegasus]

F-ing awful! I hate Christmas.

Feeling misunderstood...I hate that it feels like rarely anyone understands. Can't wait til Monday so I can see my T.

[midget84]

It's better then yesterday. The only person I thought I could turn to when I hit my lowest of lows turned against me for some unknown reason and filed a restraining order against me. All I've heard from mutual friends is he did it to teach me a lesson to stop being overly dramatic which is what he calls depression

[Severijn]

Lately I feel kind of ok, but have some moments of depression.

- I am alone too much; only see my friends in the weekends; need to do more fun things on working days
- My body is still not the way I want it to be; less fat and some more muscle will make me happy. But it will take some months, which is annoying.

Having a tough week but trying my best to hold it together. This time of year doesn't help much either.

[Aslan]

Im crying , must be repressed emotion

[BryGuy]

Mostly feeling bad here. I wish I could be alone. It is so hard to be around people when I feel like this. It is even harder to do that when Christmas is just around the corner and people are bugging me to do things I do not care about. I try to do the things I usually enjoy to enjoy to pass the time (reading, listening to music, etc.), but all I can really focus on is listening to music. It helps, but I cannot get through entire days doing just that and sleeping.

This morning my stomach hurts really bad. I gotta get up & do sis hair while in pain...I said I would do it for our bday & this is the only day she can get it done. I'm not gonna complain tho...she's done so much for me & she didn't have to.

[turquoisesea]

just tired. but it's a normal-tired with a side of emotional tired. I'm ok. Oh yes, and it's cold outside so I'm cold =)

(((hugs everyone))) This is a brilliant idea for a thread.

[roads]

I'm now back on pretty much the same meds I was on 2+ yrs ago when I left hospital & started seeing pdoc. This depression slide started in Feb, became a dive early summer--we've tried & abandoned 3 meds. Side effects.

Coming into the holidays in this state was NOT supposed to happen. I jumped on this thing fast, knowing it could take time. THIS is what I feared coming to. I meet him Tues & I'm torn btw presenting myself to him fully hopeless or in the anger I feel both for the disease & the treatment.

I'm the lab rat in the cage, & the best he can do is stand there & throw meds at me & see what they do? Rat wants to BITE stupid pdoc for not knowing enough.

Originally Posted by Caretaker Leo

Hoping many others with depression will check in each day. Good day? Bad day? Post it here.

ok...I will check in....

I share and appear fine...

but I am crumbled inside fractured and broken..

I am sure I am not the first one in history......and I keep fighting

I am beyond even my best methods..

a very sick boy

overwhelmed...

but ok I guess

[shezbut]

Originally Posted by Caretaker Leo

Hoping many others with depression will check in each day. Good day? Bad day? Post it here.

I'm feeling ambiguous today.

A couple of positives thrown in with some negative emotions. An emotional mess, really, but I'm trying to hold on tightly to the positives!

[Caretaker Leo]

Struggling at the moment. I have all the ingredients measured and ready to make cookie dough, now just need to find another burst of energy to mix it up and bake them!

Thinking I'll put on some lively music to give me that push.

[Caretaker Leo]

Update...
Cookies are baked! I even managed to get 3 loads of laundry done.

Ok if I now just collapse and flake out?

[Beholden]

Flake away friend!!!!

Enjoy those cookies.

I made my coconut cream pie today. It is so good.

[Marla500]

Caretaker Leo, thanks for this thread. I am feeling lower by the minute and don't want to tell anyone who doesn't understand. time to work harder on the self help stuff. but it feels helpful to say I feel low. thank you and congratulations on the cookies and laundry, I've done the cookies, just need to get busy on the laundry now....

[Unrigged64072835]

Roadrunnerbeepbeep: I hear ya on the lab rat thing. My Pdoc is a psych resident and I feel like I'm her first test case. She was the one that rapidly weaned me off an SSRI and couldn't believe I had discontinuation syndrome. What did the university teach her, anyway?

Doing pretty good today. Another day closer to Christmas break (yay) and actually made some progress on a project. Helped my daughter make jello for a school party and ended up not wearing it while I put it in the fridge. Small victories count! LOL

to those who aren't doing well.

Just left T & our session was 3 hrs long. I'm grateful for her to spend so much time on me than the regular 45, 60, or 90 min appts. She even give me rides home...who's T does that? Mine does...

I'm grateful...I really am, but I feel so bad. I can't pay for her time & now she's giving me rides home. Don't think I deserve that, but she does. I still feel a bit anxious & just want to cry, but can't. I'm trying not to cut, but who knows how this night will end.

She gave me the option to call her when I need, but I will never be able to do that. So I will just try to contain myself til next Wednesday when I see her again.

[Caretaker Leo]

Originally Posted by SoFragile88

Just left T & our session was 3 hrs long. I'm grateful for her to spend so much time on me than the regular 45, 60, or 90 min appts. She even give me rides home...who's T does that? Mine does...

I'm grateful...I really am, but I feel so bad. I can't pay for her time & now she's giving me rides home. Don't think I deserve that, but she does. I still feel a bit anxious & just want to cry, but can't. I'm trying not to cut, but who knows how this night will end.

She gave me the option to call her when I need, but I will never be able to do that. So I will just try to contain myself til next Wednesday when I see her again.

Oh, how wonderful that you have a T like this! I hope you will remember that even though you can't pay her now - she is likely to help you in ways that will give you a chance to pay it forward to someone else. Just posting here is paying it forward for others who read this.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by roadrunnerbeepbeep

I'm now back on pretty much the same meds I was on 2+ yrs ago when I left hospital & started seeing pdoc. This depression slide started in Feb, became a dive early summer--we've tried & abandoned 3 meds. Side effects.

Coming into the holidays in this state was NOT supposed to happen. I jumped on this thing fast, knowing it could take time. THIS is what I feared coming to. I meet him Tues & I'm torn btw presenting myself to him fully hopeless or in the anger I feel both for the disease & the treatment.

I'm the lab rat in the cage, & the best he can do is stand there & throw meds at me & see what they do? Rat wants to BITE stupid pdoc for not knowing enough.

Some meds work for some people. And that, really, is all we know on the subject.

[storm cloud]

ok... i suppose ...just....depressed..........

Originally Posted by Caretaker Leo

Oh, how wonderful that you have a T like this! I hope you will remember that even though you can't pay her now - she is likely to help you in ways that will give you a chance to pay it forward to someone else. Just posting here is paying it forward for others who read this.

Thanks for saying that. It's funny because the stuff that I learned today I think I help shed light on another person's situation by sharing what I learned. At least I hope it helped...