[3little.birds]

I really am not doing well. I'm just consistently screwing everything up. The up and down of emotion is turning to just down, down, down lately. Pot would really make me feel better. Just to get giggly & be happy, listen to/feel/experience music, eat food that tastes 20 times better, and sit there doing nothing and then pass out comfortably. I doubt I can get any right now though, and I doubt that will help me get hired at a bank -_- in the hopefully near future. Which makes me feel even better, because I can't have what I want and what I know will just make me feel better.

Everyone hates me, the list just keeps growing. In the end I'm going to be completely alone, instead of the mostly alone state I am in now. Woooo.

[Rohag]

Hello, 3little.birds! This stands out to me:

Originally Posted by 3little.birds

The up and down of emotion is turning to just down, down, down lately.

In light of your diagnoses, how different or unique is this? Is this kind of "down, down, down" something you have experienced before?

Do please take the best care of yourself you can.

[3little.birds]

Idk. I can't keep track anymore. I've been very depressed two other times in my life years ago that stand out specifically. Once about a year ago. Once like a few years ago.

I'm stuck. I feel like claustrophobic that's the best way I can describe how I feel. There is nothing i can do to take care of myself. And no one even takes enough energy to try to see that I need them.

[3little.birds]

Usually my moods swing drastically every day. Like in one day it is up and down. It's not usually down down down.. Except those two other times.

[justanotherday]

Originally Posted by 3little.birds

I really am not doing well. I'm just consistently screwing everything up. The up and down of emotion is turning to just down, down, down lately. Pot would really make me feel better. Just to get giggly & be happy, listen to/feel/experience music, eat food that tastes 20 times better, and sit there doing nothing and then pass out comfortably. I doubt I can get any right now though, and I doubt that will help me get hired at a bank -_- in the hopefully near future. Which makes me feel even better, because I can't have what I want and what I know will just make me feel better.

Everyone hates me, the list just keeps growing. In the end I'm going to be completely alone, instead of the mostly alone state I am in now. Woooo.

I get where you are coming from. But take it from someone who knows - I made every minute of my day 4:20 for a while, and the only thing it did was make me broke (no cheap stuff for me), MORE depressed, and I wasted a lot of time I could have used getting myself out of the spot I was in. Pot's not the answer. In fact, it overflows your brain with Serotonin, then you crash when it wears off.

If you use it for a long time, your brain gets lazy and relies on it for Serotonin production. So in the end, it will end up being a temporary solution that slowly became a permanent solution. I'm not going to tell you not to do it. I'm just going to tell you it won't really help you as much as you think it will. And I can say that from experience.

There are 300 million people in the US alone. Actually, more than that. There are billions of people in this World. Therefore, it is mathematically impossible that everyone hates you. Dig deeper.

There has to be something stuck inside of you. Some grand thorn, that is causing you pain every time you move. What is that thorn? Tell me, when you think of a day where you're content with how things are going, what does that mean? What problems are gone? What are you doing with your time that makes you feel like you're doing what you want?

Don't be afraid to go after exactly what you want. And if you can't have it, try to get something as close to it as you can get. You'll get a lot of dead ends, but if you refuse to let anyone prevent you or sway you from getting what you want, you inevitably get it. You have to be stubborn, you have to be totally insistent on it.

I don't hate you, and I'm sure I never will. So that pokes a hole in your theory forever. I'd recommend taking an inventory of your pain points, and then get rid of them, one by one. Legally.

[carebirdy]

I don't hate you.

[Loulou13]

Originally Posted by 3little.birds

I really am not doing well. I'm just consistently screwing everything up. The up and down of emotion is turning to just down, down, down lately. Pot would really make me feel better. Just to get giggly & be happy, listen to/feel/experience music, eat food that tastes 20 times better, and sit there doing nothing and then pass out comfortably. I doubt I can get any right now though, and I doubt that will help me get hired at a bank -_- in the hopefully near future. Which makes me feel even better, because I can't have what I want and what I know will just make me feel better.

Everyone hates me, the list just keeps growing. In the end I'm going to be completely alone, instead of the mostly alone state I am in now. Woooo.

I know how u feel. But I can guarantee that not everyone hates. I dont and that matters. Stay strong

[3little.birds]

Originally Posted by justanotherday

. Dig deeper.

There has to be something stuck inside of you. Some grand thorn, that is causing you pain every time you move. What is that thorn? Tell me, when you think of a day where you're content with how things are going, what does that mean? What problems are gone? What are you doing with your time that makes you feel like you're doing what you want?

Don't be afraid to go after exactly what you want. And if you can't have it, try to get something as close to it as you can get. You'll get a lot of dead ends, but if you refuse to let anyone prevent you or sway you from getting what you want, you inevitably get it. You have to be stubborn, you have to be totally insistent on it.

I don't hate you, and I'm sure I never will. So that pokes a hole in your theory forever. I'd recommend taking an inventory of your pain points, and then get rid of them, one by one. Legally.

Dig deeper.. .. Shawn t?

I'm not sure I completely follow the next part. Can you reword what you are saying please? I kinda get it, but not fully.

And that's actually one of my biggest flaws. I'm extremely stubborn. I always get what I want. It's more I don't know what I want is my problem.

I'm looking for weed to be my temporary soultion. I want to feel good now. Because I don't. I've been a stoner. I don't want that per say. I'm a straight a student, workout aholic, and fight for what I want at all costs. Weed doesn't change that, and hasn't ever changed any of that. I know it screws with your serotonin. But right now I don't think my brains doing a good job with the serotonin honestly. Maybe it needs some help.

I appreciate the insight, and please don't ignore this. I'm a debater at heart and ultimately I have a very open mind.

I like your idea at working at my issues one by one. I'm going to write them down physically, I think that will help in trying to target and fix only specific issues instead of working at everything at once and gettin overwhelmed. An issue for me is most people look at my "issues" and reply with a, "you want to see real problems?!" ... my problems aren't legit for a person in my current situation. According to everyone else. No one would say I have it good, but everyone thinks I'm Whiney. Ive been working on my biggest problems for ages. Living at home and my bfs home is my biggest problem. I can't fix that until I am hired.

[JeremyMG2009]

Weed is not the answer. Take your meds the way your doctor tells you and stay away from things that affect them like alcohol and drugs.

[3little.birds]

I'm not on any meds. I cant even get a doctor to see me.

Originally Posted by 3little.birds

I'm not on any meds. I cant even get a doctor to see me.

Sorry. I'm not sure I understand. Why won't an MD see you? That's absurd.

You are clearly struggling.

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by 3little.birds

I'm not on any meds. I cant even get a doctor to see me.

That is simular to the situation I'm in with not being able to see a doctor about any issues I'm having except I was going to try and talk to someone but that hasn't happened yet(they are probably just a therapist though). I tend to rely on weed or alcohol and feel worse off without it. Not that I would be willing to take anything they prescribe...depends on what it is and what it does. Anyways I know the feeling except I haven't been going without it, I'll probably have to though since I kind of fail at life and having income. this probably doesn't help you any though.

[firewalker321]

I feel exactly the same to be honest

[Tonyh]

3 little birds, if I repleced your name with mine, I would think I wrote all that. Wow does it describe me. I swing up or down, except the last few days I swung down and can't seem to swing up. Been dealing with this for years. I too am at that point where I start to think that's enough, so I can understand. And yes, weed does sound mighty inviting now. I know its not a solution, but the thought of something having a calming effect is inviting. But.. since it seems you are dealing with what I deal with, then remember from last time that its how you see your day or days progressing that is keeping you in that funk. Think of the fun stuff, and make something fun happen.

[3little.birds]

All the psychologists near me are booked up not taking new patients. I keep calling and calling and calling new people, widening my radius farther and farther. I'm up to a litter over an hour away now. I haven't even found any weed to get, and applied to a bank yesterday, so no pot for me.. don't worry anyone.

I'm actually looking at more not fun about to happen. Today I go for a medical procedure that is going to leave me feeling like crap for a week or so. I had this procedure done a month ago, and have to get it redone because the thing they did moved a little. I most definitely won't get any pain meds either, seeing as I didn't get any last time. And, to top it all off, I get to go around with the extended family all day and night most likely keeling over in pain after I go get this procedure done! YAY!.

I'm going to have to try to schedule some fun for next week though. Good idea tonyh. I will try to make something happen. We will see I guess.