I have, of late, lost all of my mirth.

Alcoholic, jobless, and responding to divorce papers. I was clean for five months, the re-lapsed on the anniversary of my father's suicide. I went to detox, only to come home and find my wife and two kids missing, then got served a few days later. since then I have been back to detox twice, because i just can't seem to be motivated to take care of myself. any advice, fellow sufferers?

Hello & Welcome, Hope Hubris!
A terrible loss in the midst of terrible losses...

I really don't know how to advise you. As far as you are able, allow yourself to receive all the help available. I gather from your posts that depression is the base problem, yes?

yes, and thank you for your response.

I'm a recovering alcoholic, and also suffer from depression and I can tell you that drinking is only making your depression WORSE. Alcohol is a depressant. So you're just going to wallow in your self-pity when you drink. Believe me, I know all about that. We get disgustingly sorry for ourselves when we're drinking/drunk. All we do is think about OURSELVES when we drink. We never think of anyone else. It's all about US. We don't care about anybody. Only about US and how we're going to get the next drink. We are HORRIBLE to live with.

That's probably why your wife left. Because she's been down this road too many times. Right? Are you a MEAN drunk or a HAPPY drunk? Chances are you're a mean drunk and she doesn't want to put the kids thru this anymore. I don't blame her cause the kids cannot be exposed to this kind of environment -- she's got to protect them. If they grow up like this, chances are one or all of them will turn out just like YOU. Am I being HARSH?? YES I AM. Because everyone was harsh with me and that's what got me sober!!! No one sugar=coated it for me. No one patted me on the back and said "There, There, it will be okay." Because it WON'T be okay unless you quit drinkiing!!!

Pour the booze out, and call someone from AA --- tell them you need help. It's too late for a meetiing right now so you can't go to one. But someone cal talk to you on the phone. Call the AA number in your phone book -- call the LOCAL number and talk to someone. DO IT NOW but after your POUR OUT THE BOOZE.

You've got to get sober before you end up like my son -- he had TOTAL LIVER FAILURE. He's home now after coming within hours of dying. His liver is shot -- if he drinks again, he'll die. His liver is only working at about 30%. I dont' know how long he will live. Do you want to end up like this? My son is 42.

DON'T DIE PLEASE. DON'T LEAVE YOUR KIDS FATHERLESS. Hugs, Lee

Thank you, Leed. everything you said was healthy and logical. I am trying to taper down, but every three hours or so i start going into bad withdrawals. I have been told that going cold turkey will likely send me into seizures and kill me. do you know anything about that? I would love some good advice about cleaning up safely without spending another three grand and nine days in a facility. I really appreciate your words, thank you for your frankness.

Hope hubris, i have no advice what so ever. i can only sympathize with you for all of your recent loss. i understand why the pull towards alcohol is so strong. i also agree with Leed that alcohol is making your depression worse. i do not know if AA counselors are also therapists if so please contact your sponsor or find a counselor.
Do you have anyone who could tolerate being with you as you withdraw from the alcohol so that if you do seize someone will be there to help and call an ambulance if necessary?
Thinking of you and hoping you are able to follow much of what Leed posted.

Hi hope hubris. I don't have any further advice other than what the others have suggested. I can't imagine the pain that you are going through, so I can only hope and pray for you. I'm sure that if you go to AA they can have someone be with you while you go through withdrawal. It's worth a try. You are worth the effort. Your kids are worth the effort. Remember that. Take care of yourself, and let us know how you get on.

thank you all. I am still in therapy (weekly) and starting to attend a depression group this tuesday. I'm trying, but it's hard to get out of the fog of depression and alcoholism when there is nothing to motivate you. this is probably stating the obvious, but even if i get sober, my life is still seriously damaged, and even if the best outcome is achieved, it still is really bad. how do we find motivation in this senseless and punitive world?