[whenwillitend]

i have lost that feeling of inner peace that I had after my last and most serious sui attempt on October 22nd. I was feeling so good, balanced, calm, never felt that good in my life.
And now it's gone.
And i'm scared.
i came so close this time. i'm scared of what will happen if i get to that point again.

i knew it wasn't going to last. it was just too good to be true.

i can't take going back to the way life was before. i can't handle feeling like that again.

[whenwillitend]

what, nobody cares??

[whenwillitend]

wow, now that is depressing.

Sorry! I am just coming across your post right now...I have been having a rough go of it the past couple of days...

will you call your doctor and T and let them know you are going through a very rough patch and that you are frightened? Perhaps your doctor will up your meds until you get to a better place again.

I don't know a lot about your background ... (again sorry!) Do you know what caused the "slide"? can you identify what happened right before you started to feel D again?

Please keep posting here. Let us know how you are doing. You are not alone

Originally Posted by whenwillitend

i have lost that feeling of inner peace that I had after my last and most serious sui attempt on October 22nd. I was feeling so good, balanced, calm, never felt that good in my life.
And now it's gone.
And i'm scared.
i came so close this time. i'm scared of what will happen if i get to that point again.

i knew it wasn't going to last. it was just too good to be true.

i can't take going back to the way life was before. i can't handle feeling like that again.

[Rachel.i]

Originally Posted by whenwillitend

what, nobody cares??

I care, just saw your post. I hope you will take Rose's suggestions about letting your T & dr know how you are feeling and please do keep posting. Going though a very rough time myself, but I know people do care.

[BodyMindSoul]

Please feel better. I am also depressed right now so I would love to talk with you if that will make you feel better. You have my trust and I would like to promise you that it will get better because you already have taken action. I have stopped trying to commit suicide but I often have suicidal thoughts and I realized that it is just a conscious effort to acknowledge that I will never do that to myself again. I think we all make mistakes and self-harming is just another mistake in the moment. I am new here so please forgive if I say anything callous.

[Rohag]

Whenwillitend, have you been able to talk about this loss of inner peace with anyone - doctor, therapist? Has anything changed or happened that might explain this emotional transition?

[Technical Note: This is the first I've either seen or noticed this thread, and I've visited the Depression Forum twice - I think - since the time of your original post. ???]

[whenwillitend]

thank you all. i don't know what happened. it just went away. i'm excited about moving next week, but in a good way.

i have an appt with my pdoc next week. i'm going to tell her about it. i need to make an appt with my t. i make my appts with her week to week, because i don't get my work schedule for the following week until the saturday before. i didn't make an appt this week because i don't have the money for the copay. hopefully by next week i'll hvae it. trying to sell stuff.

i don't want to go back down. i don't eve want to feel suicidal agaiun. i don't ever want to attempt again. i want to be happy again.

[scflxp]

Hang in there, whenwillitend.

I have been through that before. I wasn't taking meds, but I was going to therapy and reading self help books. And doing other things to try and get over the depression.

And one day you feel like you are healed, like you will never feel like crap again. But it can happen. Don't be discouraged though, you made a lot of progress and if you were able to feel good before this, you will again.

I know it's irritating and it seems so unfair, at least I think it's unfair. Everyone else I know just gets to live their lives carefree and only worry about what they are going to wear the next day or maybe how to pay their bills because they spent too much on parties, clothes, beer, whatever. That's the extent of most of their problems. They are never depressed, lucky them.

But it is what it is, even though it's a pain to deal with depression, anxiety, and whatever else we have to deal with, it does makes us stronger and better people, usually.

When you replied to my thread you mentioned children, I don't know if you meant you have kids or your future kids, but in any case, try to be strong for them. It will pass. Even people who are not depressed do not feel 100% happy all of the time. Even if you are 100% healed you will have bad days (maybe not as bad as this, but when you are used to being happy and not depressed, anything will seem bad).

I find that what helps me the most and what helped me overcome panic/anxiety/depression the last time I had it bad, was to keep myself busy. Or at least my mind. Even if I didn't want to see anyone, I would sometimes when I didn't feel so bad. And when I was home alone I would watch a lot of movies, and also youtube videos that I found really interesting. It took my mind off my problems for hours. I specially like watching the Shaytards, because to me, they are such a happy family, it made me happy for a few minutes to watch their videos. I watched them for hours and as silly as it may be, I think that's what helped me the most. Not saying this will work for you, but maybe try to find something that will have that effect on you.

I don't know if this will help, but I hope it does.

And if you feel like talking to someone feel free to just post here or PM and I will do my best to reply quickly. I would have replied to your thread right away, but I was giving up on this forum since I had posted something and had not replies at all for over a day. Then for some reason I decided to try again and saw your reply, and then I looked for your lasted thread.

[scflxp]

I forgot to add, if you feel like nothing you are doing is helping, then go back to your therapist and see if you need to adjust your meds or do something else different.

Hopefully this will just be a minor setback that you will overcome in time, but if you feel it's getting worse instead of better, please see a doctor!