Major Depression

The last three weeks have been the most difficult time in my life. I am on medication. Been evaluated. Major Depression with Extreme Anger and Anxiety. Seeing a therapist. (only been there once) I can't seem to get past this. I feel empty, lost, unwanted, rejected, lonely, I ca't sleep, or eat, I have lost 9 pounds. The worst part is it is my fault. I can forgive what I have done. But I can't forgive what I lost.I know I can get back on my feet again. I just don't want to. My whole life I have had this sort of emptiness and never quite reached happy. And was never sure what I wanted from this life. About a year and a half ago I found it. the empty feeling was gone. I was happy. And for the first time I knew what it was I wanted. I had a goal. 3 weeks ago. It was gone. I have not been able to get back on my feet. I know I can. But I don't see the point. I don't know what is worse having the empty feeling my whole life or having go away, then return. It feels like I have no goal. I am right back where I started. I had it. But I lost it. And I am afraid I won't be able to find it again. Along with the overwhelming sadness. I have been angry. Not just angry but furious. I am worried I am going to loose it and I don't know what will happen. I have been treated in a manner that I have felt abandoned, unworthy, ignored, blown off. And less of a person. I have never experienced anythig like this before. I have to talk to another doc tomorrow the med I am on my therapist says they may not be strong enough. Maybe talk to her. My next appt is in two weeks. But what do I do in the mean time? I about lost it today. I seriously thought about checking myself in somewhere.

I know how you feel I seem to get to certain point where I think that I finally might have reached a happy point in my life and Im moving on, then all of a sudden I seem to hit rock bottom. Its like I get scared when Im benefitting from life and I can't allow myself to be happy. I wish I could remember what it felt like to be happy. I don't want to make it sound like its all gloom and doom but if other people can be happy then the question we should be asking ourselves is why can't we allow ourselves to have some of that happiness and keep hold of it?

((((((( HUGS )))))))) ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS )))))))

Please realize that recovery (healing from past wounds) takes time.... and at this moment in you life TIME is your BEST- FRIEND..... most medicines need about 4 weeks before you will really start to notice a difference in the way you are feeling inside and out.

Hang in there........... I fell apart about 10 years ago and I am looking good today!!!


LoVe,
Rhapsody -