[Sam2]

Usually, I come to this forum looking for ways to help other people understand their pain. Tonight, its my soul that feels ripped up. Generally, I stay away from music becuase it tends to start a cycle of bad thoughts. Instead of staying away, the other night, I looked up Eddie Money's "cant go back" and listened to it. Big mistake. I can't stop going back and listening to it.

Although there is always depression, I've learned to manage it to an extent, and I never ever should have listened. I'm not suicidal, I wouldn't put it down if I were. I know that life is a learning process, good and bad, and truth be told, the past wasn't that great, but now I'm stuck. I doubt anyone much younger than I is going to get the full effect, no offense to the younger crowd. Tonight I sit here wondering what if, what if I hadn't done this or had done that. I think people will know what I'm talking about.

The knowledge that so many things were taken for granted, that it seemed like there was always plenty of time is something that hits us all at sometime in our lives.

For people still in high school, twenties or thirties, don't take anything for granted. Once its gone, its gone. There isn't all the time in the world.

Anyway, until the cycle stops, I guess the song is going to get a lot of play. Amazing how powerful music can be.

Sam2

[Nobodyandnothing]

Sam,
I think I know exactly what you mean. I am still second and third guessing things that happened 30 years ago and I have so many regrets. And yes, certain music brings it right back.

Soon you look around and 25 or more years are gone.

[GreyThinker]

The older we get, the more opportunity we have to do things we regret . Dark melancholy evenings are dreadful for sitting and mulling over all the things we could have done better and what might have been the outcome instead. Specially if there is a glass of wine and some deep music involved! Funny thing was, when I was young I always imagined that things would get easier when I got older, and I never believed people who told me the opposite . Oh well, the only comfort is that we made the decision we thought best at the time. With hindsight and more maturity we can see that we could have done better, sure... but we have to forgive our younger selves. We might have not appreciated all we had, but we were not alone in that. There is no going back, there is only moving forward from this point. Don't beat yourself up over the past, Sam2.

[allimsaying]

I was thinking about the power of music the other day. Hope this helps Sam. No matter how powerful music is, people are even stronger. Would it help to counter combat the thoughts with more positive music? One I love is Van Morrison, Bright Side of the Road. Sometimes its good to reflect though I think. I experienced something similar not long ago and decided it was high time I got my butt in gear and started thinking about the last 25 or 30 years of my life. Things may not turn out so bad after all is how I'm feeling. I hope the best for you always.

As of now in my life, I don't feel like I have any regrets from the past. However, I wish that things can be different. Lately in the past year I have been having health anxiety everyday. Today was no exeption and I think it was a little worse today. I freaked out when I saw some things on my skin that looks suspicious. I talked to a friend at work and he said that as you get older, you will see things on your skin that will look suspicious and you will feel things also.

It wasn't long ago for me that I didn't have any health worries whatsoever. Around last May I had skin cancer and then after the removal of it, some complications came up and that messed me up. It's still has me all messed up today. I really hate it!

The biggest regret that I feel as of now from the past is that I never met the right woman to be involved with. I know that many people around my age are telling me that marriage is no big deal. So many I have spoken to are divorced. I suppose that they are right, but at least I wanted to have a chance. I let go of a possibility about 20 years ago. I never regretted not marrying her (she was in love with me and wanted to marry me. I didn't feel the same way). But I regretted with the way that relationships for me turned out after that. I didn't think it would happen that way.

[Ladyzero]

Regrets I suppose are just lessons to be learned. We must take something from them. I regret, the way my life has turned out. Depression has robbed me of my job and my soul. Where is that so called attractive, bubbly woman who had everything ? A shell is left, an empty shell existing, just existing, not living.
I sleep all day and wake up to nothing and no one. I miss a life and human contact. Today I cried, an emotion, I've not even felt like in ages. I cried out, in quiet prayer asking God to help me, to end this darkness, this solitary life. Small and pathetic.
Now, gone 1.30 am I'm awake and reaching out again on here, looking for help and company, to not feel quite so alone.
I'm not familiar with the music you mention, but know what you mean about the power that certain songs hold. They touch us when we listen closely. Some lyrics are like prayers, deep meaningful words that touch us.
I don't so much look back, as what's done is done. History. But my future, as I can see it, frightens me. I fear for what's left of my life. I can't see any hope ahead, and that's sad. Just not how I planned things. I just wonder why me, and if that sounds pitiful, so be it.

[0w6c379]

Originally Posted by Sam2

Tonight I sit here wondering what if, what if I hadn't done this or had done that. I think people will know what I'm talking about.

The knowledge that so many things were taken for granted, that it seemed like there was always plenty of time is something that hits us all at sometime in our lives.... There isn't all the time in the world.

Sam2

I understand you Sam2. I gave up on listening to music for a long time. Recently started listening again but it only brings back memories and longing for what I wish I had. I play the same songs over and over again and cry. Or, I just play them and sing my heart out wishing and praying for love. Then I come back to reality and wonder, like LadyZero, "Why me?" Why was I selected to be the loser? What did I do to deserve this life?

I have often thought back to the days when people used to tell me, "Oh your young and you have plenty of time". I believed them! What was I thinking? How could I have been so oblivious to the passing of time? Can't do anything about it now. Like you say...It's over.

[TheRealFDeal]

Sam2, I have to be very careful about what music I listen to. Music touches my soul as well. It IS amazing how powerful it is. Unfortunately, there is no music that can make me happy when I'm feeling down. And "down" for us, is WAY down there.

I, too, regret how my life turned out. I wish I had done a lot of things differently. I wish I hadn't been so scared and opted for the not acting instead of the acting.

You have provided a lot of wisdom and support here. I hope you can feel our support of you.