[TheRealFDeal]

Last nite I posted on another forum about being terrified because my last session with my T was today. I explicitly asked for support and... 24 hours later, not a single response.

So, I'm coming to you guys, who know my story. I was terrified of facing tonite alone, with nothing but the thought that I would never see my T again. The T who terminated ME, who called the police on me five days before Christmas resulting in a 72-hr stint in the looney bin. Resulting in a $2500 attorney bill to defend against a restraining order by my ex, getting it down from 5 years to 1. I feel really sad, but strangely calm. I thought I would be hysterical tonite.

I hope I'm not being whiny. I'm just trying to work things out in my head. Why did I not want to terminate HIM? I can only think it has something to do with my attachment to him and my giant fear of abandonment. Not wanting my only relationship to be severed. OK, writing this out is upsetting me, so I'll stop here.

[GreyThinker]

It's ok, I'm not getting 'whiny' from you . I guess if I were in your place I would be feeling sad, too... something you valued is coming to an end. I think your calmness is because, inside, you have accepted this and are prepared to move on, just your emotions have not caught up yet. It seems to me you are handling this in as healthy a way as you can, and once you are through this grieving period, it is quite possible you might be able to see this as another step in becoming your own person. I am not a T ... but I am told that everything can be viewed as a helpful experience eventually. Hang in there... I am sorry that first forum did not at least offer you a hug. Here is one from me (((((TheRealFDeal)))))

["Tilly may"]

Hey , i think its normal to get attached to your T. Im only 4 weeks in and im attached. But they are T and we are clients. I think we all struggle with this somehow. We want to believe that the T is our friend. I would feel upset too if my therapy sessions ended. No you are not whiny. You have been through some hell. Im sorry that nobody responded to your plea. Its ok to feel how you do and i think it is normal. Hang in there
hugs
Cyn

[gelfling]

Having been "terminated" by my last T over the phone, I feel your anxiety for the seperation and hope you will seek support in the form of friends, family and another T who will be more in tune with you. I know from experience that it is hard, especially when you need that individual to use as a sounding post and to have a connection to something while the world around you is spinning a bit out of control.

Please be good to yourself - the psycho therapy people should have agreed to be pocket riders for you today -- I don't know you, but know we are with you at this hard time. Sounding boards for you. And please, if that relationship helped you, I would try and find a different T who could be a better fit for you.

Thanks for reaching out

It is ok to be attached to your T, I had become attached to mine, I also leave my T tomorrow, I have just started with another one today.

[tigerlily84]

Just wanted to offer my support to you. Like you, I have a giant fear of abandoment as well. You're definitely not being whiney. You will get through this. And you will be able to find a new T that will listen and truly be there for you. In the meantime, we're here for you too.

[RJ78]

Thanks for sharing, how was you day today?

RJ

[TheRealFDeal]

Thank you, all. It's really hard for me to view bad things happening as growth experiences -- I resent them so much!

I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one that gets attached to T. This T - I guess he's my xT now, kept trying to convince me that I don't need to like a T nor do they need to like me in order to successfully treat me. I just can't see it. Out of the 2 referrals that I've seen, both were really cold and one seemed downright *****y to me. xT seemed to try to convince me that they could help me anyway. Aaagh! That just made me feel invalidated, like I couldn't trust my feelings or intuition. So, that said, I am shopping for another T, but I'm discouraged because the first 2 didn't work out.

I felt extremely sad today and had some trouble concentrating at work. I'm T-less! I'm a T orphan! And I decided not to go to my web class tonight because I was just too depressed. I know I should "do the opposite" of how I feel, but I just CAN'T when I'm in the throes. How do you make yourself do something when with every fiber of your being you feel like crap?

[montanan4ever]

Hmmm. I don't know about that "liking" or "not liking" thing for therapy to work. I think it kind of depends on what you mean by "liking" the t or the t "liking" you. When I think of my therapy relationship, after all these years I'm well aware that there are things about me that aggravate the hell out of my therapist and the feeling is mutual. We have an amazing, tight, powerful bond which we both hold in high honor. But I don't know if that's "like." It's by no means friendship or love, of that I am certain. It's something different.

Sometimes you have to do what you don't feel, definitely.....Actually, a LOT of the time we have to do what we don't feel. Fortunately, feelings sometimes catch up with the doing, but just as often they don't. We just have to "do." That's life, to a degree. But there are times when it's too much and that's okay.

Would you expect someone whose loved one just died to perform their usual, normal tasks? How about someone whose significant other just left? How about someone who just got handed some kind of terrible, lifechanging news? I know I wouldn't expect them to do the regular, normal schedule of events. So I think it's okay to give yourself some slack.

What's not okay is to hurt yourself or mistreat yourself as an expression of your pain.

It's going to take time to get better. This stuff goes very deep and you've had a rough time of it. But you have survived it already, and that is a HUGE accomplishment.