[shortandcute]

For me, it's:
1. feeling like I need to put "put on a happy face," so that other people, don't get worried, stressed, judgemental, etc.

2. getting things done

3. other people denying or not understanding (or believing) what I'm going thru

4. soliciting help from others

The way it evolves to counter my tactics.
The way it influences my view of the past as well as the present and future.
Its sheer stamina.

[Hellion]

Not having motivation or energy for anything including things I enjoy and want to do...though I guess its not just the depression that does that sometimes I get worn out from anxiety so I am simply too tired, or I am not getting enough sleep.

[f.reliant]

It greatly impacts my sense of self worth. I feel like something is wrong with me because I am not able to "fix" myself. And when I am hiding my level of depression to seem like my "normal" likeable self to others I feel deceitful and then ashamed.

I feel tired and sometimes defeated because coming back from a major episode is hard, constant work. Work only I can do...which is a little lonely.

On the upside, I do know my depression well enough to know what things work and what things don’t. A good support system also helps.

The hardest thing for me is having anxiety and that causes my depression, I guess. I could be out having a great time with others and then dreadful thoughts come to mind, and it ruins the good time.

Also it's the things that I did that was good for me and now I feel like I've lost interest in doing those things. I feel like it's hurting me, but at the same time, I feel like I don't miss the things I used to do.

[adam_k]

1. For me it is the darkness that clouds my perceptions. Depression changes how I view things, and I don't think about the positive and focus on all the negatives.
2.Anhedonia (inability to feel pleasure) is a huge psychological mind f***. To do something you know you enjoy and not feel any satisfaction from it.
3. To tell yourself that you are feeling depressed now, and that this won't last forever. Even though when I get depressed I feel utterly hopeless.
4. The lack of motivation to do anything. Fighting through the fatigue to get things done. Trying to think and focus when my mind wants to shut down.
5. My inability to be able to make people understand what I'm going through that have never suffered from depression. To get it through people that it is not just a feeling of sadness, but a real medical condition, that impairs me. For the most part I act like everything is fine, because it is easier to deal with most people that way.
6. The toll it takes on my self esteem. To do work and try to build my self-esteem up, then only to start going down, and feel like a totally useless thing.

[bos314489]

lack of energy and enthusiam for life

[allimsaying]

Attacking/criticizing myself.

Putting on the happy face. Got so bad I became physically ill.

Asking for help from others is definately in there.

Feeling misunderstood but not understanding myself either.

Feelings of shame that I was 'broken'.

Losing my sense of humor.

Being unable to think clearly.

Waiting for it to change/get better.

Loneliness.

Being perfectly fine with the idea of my life ending in a flash.

[GreyThinker]

Sigh...all of the above. I suppose the hardest thing is the dragging myself out of bed in the morning and pulling myself through the day and knowing - even though I do all I can to find strategies and reasons to do what I do - that it is going to be the same tomorrow..and the next day...and the next...the seeming endlessness of it all...

[NoCake]

Bad things affect you a lot more than good ones.

[RJ78]

1. Thinking I'm worthless.
2. Feeling hopeless.
3. Relationships that fall apart.
4. Feeling so lonely, like nobody could ever understand.

RJ

[0w6c379]

1) I feel like I'm being punished, for what I don't know? I tried to be a good person in this life but it doesn't seem to matter.

2) Losing all hope.

1) People saying they understand what you're going through when they don't
2) People saying that they're there for you but when you need them they're nowhere to be found
3) People around you at work/school making jokes about suicide and self-harm
4) Those days when you wake up and just feel awful
5) The pain and loneliness you feel.

[helplesshopeless8]

The hardest thing about depression is no one caring.

for me one of the hardest thing is how out of place i feel in my surroundings. sometimes i feel like i was left behind in a place i dont belong..

feeling like the world is leaving you behind

[Rachel.i]

Lack of motivation to do even the most basic things.

The world starts seeming like a surreal, malevolent place.

Isolating myself to the point of painful loneliness.

Not tending to relationships or having depressive symptoms cause problems, thus increasing my isolation.

Hopelessness.

Watching a great deal of time go by that I can't get back.

Feeling of just existing and not really living.

My mind is sludgy and I can't think well.

Feeling like a klutz at communicating.

Sense of humor goes.

Sleep is hard to come by and lack of it adds to my fatigue and slowed thinking.

Can't enjoy things I love.

Unrealistic guilt and self-flagellation.

Realistic guilt at not getting things done, but still putting them off.

Feeling/being irritable.

Frustration with all of the above and at not being able to make the depression go away.

[Permanent Pajamas]

1. The only time I leave the house is when I need groceries, about once a week.

2. I don't shower for days because I don't want to deal with it.

3. I sleep all the time and get nothing done except to keep meticulous track of my dreams and nightmares.

I would say feeling outside of myself. I want my old self back!

So far I agree with what everyone has said.

[frownupsidedown]

Thanks for writing this--it's so similar to how I feel with my depression....

Originally Posted by f.reliant

It greatly impacts my sense of self worth. I feel like something is wrong with me because I am not able to "fix" myself. And when I am hiding my level of depression to seem like my "normal" likeable self to others I feel deceitful and then ashamed.

I feel tired and sometimes defeated because coming back from a major episode is hard, constant work. Work only I can do...which is a little lonely.

On the upside, I do know my depression well enough to know what things work and what things don’t. A good support system also helps.

[frownupsidedown]

Constantly battling my self-induced judgment

Emotional isolation

Bouncing from wishing I was who I once was to fearing that I'll always be depressed in the future and never being content with now

Regret for all the years laid to waste by depression

Anger at why I am this way and that no matter what I do, it doesn't seem to change things

Loneliness, Isolation, Not understood

Driven away friends and family

My 7 year old nephew doesn't understand why I don't have much expression in my face and don't laugh very often--this is the hardest

[Ladyzero]

All of the above too, for me. But take it from one who knows, staying in bed really screws up the body, physically. I spent a whole year literally in bed, getting up only for the bathroom and to quickly fix something to eat. Washing my long hair became (is) a chore, and I did that as little as possible. I lost my pride, I'd eat in bed and leave the plates in my room for days, my bed was my retreat. My birthday, Christmas day even, spent in bed. Not dressing once, showering infrequently, doing basic hygiene but nothing else. I have grown physically weak. Going downstairs made me breathless. I feel so weak, a recent walk to the Doc's with a friend's help, exhausted me. My out of shape body frightened me. Not just out of shape, but fragile, body. I walked like an old lady, and had to stop many times.
I am now on day 6 of my meds so they won't kick in for a while. However, I am forcing progress, doing gentle things indoors again, and have since managed the trip to the shop alone.
I cannot stress enough how inactivity corrodes the body. Yesterday, I managed to hoover just 4 rooms, it nearly killed me physically. I had to sit down in between, rest, and carry on. It was scary.
Taking baby steps every day, is all I can do. I need to build up my strength both mentally and physically.
Another result of inactivity is my weight gain. I am naturally a petite uk size 8. The jeans I put on were size 10 and tight. They used to fall of me.
I'm trying not to think too far ahead. Tomorrow, endless lonliness, the next day, and the next, next week etc. No job, no money, it's all too overwhelming. Today's project is I am having my hair done, thankfully at home. A much needed colour and cut. My hair is now down my back !
I've even started to put make up on again. Showering most days feels good again.
It's going to be a long long haul, to become the woman I was.
The physical change in me, my weakness, and weight gain will all take time to correct and change.
Taking baby steps is all we can do. Don't stay in bed, don't leave getting help, take it from me. I hit rock bottom. I don't ever want to go there again.

[Secretum]

Hmm...hardest things about depression...everything?

The way it erodes at my self-esteem is definitely a major part.

How it isolates me from my friends and family, cutting me off from social support when I need it the most.

Cognitive problems (can't remember anything when depressed)

Feeling like I'm dead

And how, even now when I haven't been depressed in months, it still haunts me, and I live in fear of the next episode.

[NoCake]

I find speaking difficult now. I can barely speak any more than two or three words before I just shut down. I want to speak but I simply can't. And other people see this as a lack of interest and simply don't bother to speak to me much anymore. What a curse...

Originally Posted by bos314489

lack of energy and enthusiam for life

Exactly how I am feeling today...but a bit better since a friend called me on the phone. Otherwise staying in bed seemed like the best option.