Fitting in

I have a hard time feeling like I fit in with anyone. I feel like I dont even fit in with the other 'mis-fits' at times. Anyone else feel that way?

Well, my welcome mat disowned me and moved two doors down.

Yes. At some point in the past years I realized that my set of problems/challenges unsuited me for regular society. I'm rather detached now and have grown used to it. I hope others - as few as possible - not follow similar paths.

((allimsaying)))))))))))))))))))
At times I've felt that way. ppl tell me at times Im in my own little world lol
One I think maybe keeps me safe.
You dont have to fit in. Just be you. Sometimes fitting in may be the wrong ppl to hang with .
I know everyone wants to fit or be liked. You are liked here. Know that. I enjoy your music.
In the world pick ppl you like and you will fit.
Old saying from here. I remember . " you matter" " we all do"

I dont really want to be a misfit but Ive made myself that way. Im not a snob but I act like one. I push people away when I want to be close to them. Well, I dont want to be close to everyone, just some people. I border on anti social sometimes but I dont want to be that way. Im not dangerous. I only hurt myself with my thoughts. Sometimes I get really angry and I hit things, never people, well, so far. I was roadraged three times recently. I pulled over and stopped and one guy stopped beside me.He made faces and said something, I couldnt hear him and I stared back at him waiting for him to get out of the car but he turned around and drove away. I just didnt see him, he came out of nowhere. Im letting it make me feel like he's right, I suck, Im stupid, I dont deserve to be alive.

Oh yeah, we were talking about misfits.

Sorry Rohaq and Dante's that you feel like misfits too. Rohaq, I get what you mean. Years ago when starting this path I didnt know it was going to be so lonely. Someone told me a long time ago, dont follow the crowd. So I havent. I still wont. I'll walk away if something feels wrong and Im off alone somewhere again, wondering where everyone is at, and not wanting to be where they are. I do ok with the loneliness most of the time but at times, I wonder if this path is worth it.

Playing songs with you is a lot of fun justmemaybe. I need the diversion. You said some misfits arent the kind to hang out with anyway. I know thats whats happened to me. Ive hung out with all kinds of misfits. Some were pretty scary. Now I do try to keep a distance. You make me feel safe tho.

you said " I couldnt hear him and I stared back at him waiting for him to get out of the car but he turned around and drove away. I just didnt see him, he came out of nowhere. Im letting it make me feel like he's right, I suck, Im stupid, I dont deserve to be alive."

That maybe true thats how he made you feel. BUT it is not true. You do not suck, you are worth it. Everyone is.
Its too bad ppl get so upset driving. We all make mistakes. Im glad you didnt get out of your car.
Im very happy you feel safe. Music is a wonderful thing

Well, I get upset with how people drive too. I hate that my job is so stressful and I cant be more patient with others. I miss my sense of humor, it would help so much in times like that. Its true we all make mistakes and Im pretty forgiving as long as the other person isnt a huge jerk. I waited for him to get out of his car. I didnt want to escalate things by getting out first, but if he had gotten out, I would have too. I think he was expecting me to be a kid or a woman. He didnt stick around when he saw I was a man. Typical bully.

Got roadraged by another one today. This time I know I did nothing wrong. I changed lanes ahead of someone else. I had the right of way. He was honking at me and flipping me off. I decided to just ignore him and he drove away.

I was tired when I posted last night. Depression and being tired is a bad mix for me. Im not going to let this stuff keep me down. I let him get to me but I didnt have to. Just a lot of things going on right now and its wearing me down.

I feel like that all the time. Hugs to you.

RJ

(allimsaying)))))))))))))))))) Having a sense of humor helps alot. Im very glad neither one of you got out of the car. Not a good idea in anycase too.
I have a friend , she has told me on many a time " Life is too short"
I hope you can get some rest. Sort out whats going on. Take some time for you.
Please remember you do fit in here. In the real world you will make your own path that fits for you.

Thanks RJ, always good to hear a few kind words.

Terrible idea to get out of the car, thats why I didnt. But I dont like being abused any more than the next guy and roadrage is simple bullying imo. Stupid thing to die for but I just cant stand bullies. Ive got a lot of tolerance for peoples issues but harming other people really ticks me off. People with that attitude annoy me to no end. Stupid thing to risk it all on I guess but something in it just makes me lose all reason. Im trying to learn to be the bigger person by having compassion but my natural instincts to protect just take over. I would feel this way about anyone being bullied, not just myself.

Your sweet to say I fit in here but Im not really feeling it. Its my own fault like I said. Your kind to say so. Its kind of you to play music with me. That feels good.

(allimsaying))))))))))))))))))))))))) In my world here you fit in. Its not like I talk alot here. Mostly play music as you know.
I think cause Ive spent so many hours alone in my life . I never want anyone to feel alone.
When I was with my ex. I really wasnt able to go anywheres. So i never felt like i fit.
Now i am able too. I still thou look over my shoulder.
I hope you get some rest. I wont be back till after the weekend is over. take care of you.

Wouldnt it be nice to turn back time? I know your ex had a bad effect on you, the same as many choices Ive made in life had bad effects on me. Even with the best intentions and hearts of hope we made mistakes in judgment. There are some things we just cant know til we've done them and then we pay the price. I wish it wasnt that way.

In honesty, I would love to be popular and have lots of loving friends around and joy in my life from those friendships. I had that before depression hit. Even in this thread it hurts that just 4 people felt like replying. Dont get me wrong, Im grateful for all four of you. I just wonder what those who didnt reply but read must be thinking of me. I must seem awful to them.

Worrying about it only brings me down. All I can do, and I know you'd agree, is hold my head up and try to be the best I can be.

I feel this way almost all of the time. I'm an attractive, smart, and successful student. I'm very involved in several organizations including a writing community. I'm everything that society says I should aim for, and I feel the same way as you.

i feel like it a lot as well.

like i'm not even human sometimes

Hi AIM,

When I go to a thread and read it and don't reply it's usually because I don't have time to reply, or the story is not something I can really relate to so I figure it's best that other people reply, or because something on it is triggering me so I avoid it. It never has anything to do with the other person and what they say, since I do sometimes reply to threads that are difficult to read. I'm replying to yours because you're my friend.

I have all the things you listed (I'm popular, have lots of loving friends and family, very successful at my job) but I still get very depressed. There's no formula. But longing for something else, to be out of our body, to be anywhere-but-here is a symptom for me that comes and goes.

Take good care

RJ

Thanks you all, Im feeling much better, amazing what hearing you're not alone can do for someone.

RJ, I appreciate that you took time to say hi and all that you said. I didnt mean to make anyone feel self conscious about not replying to me, I guess I was just feeling lonely and not understood.

Im sorry you feel like that too shattered. No one should ever feel like their not even human. You're human to me.

henrydavid, it sucks that you've worked hard to become the best you can be and you still feel like this too. If society wants us to be become all these things I think it darn well ought to support us and not leave us standing here choking on the accomplishments it wanted us to achieve. We need more than material success imo. We're human. We need love, acceptance, support. We're only halfway there by gaining material success and no material things can replace the need we have to feel connected to other people. You can have a million dollars and all the phony attachments that go with a successful life but without love, and someone to share it with, what good is any of it? Im not saying I would rather be penniless, that is almost certain depression, but having followed the plan and gotten to the place we're told is 'success' and being alone regardless, just isnt how it should be imho. I hope we all find our way to the good life we're told we can have someday.

Hi Allimsaying,

I have not been reading anything on the forum for the last 2 weeks because I've been ill. Doing a bit better today, your thread on fitting in caught my eye. I've never felt like I fit in all my life. I've always been different. I never liked being different and have strived very hard to "fit in". I have always had friends all my life. Some just temporary but a few I've been blessed to have for many years. They were people who didn't fit into the mold either so we had that in common. I would give anything to fit into "normal" society but it will never happen. There were some moments in life here and there where I felt like I fit in and I thought it was the greatest thing (finding love was one of them). But I always knew I was different and society made sure I'd never forget it. I'm not strong enough to say the heck with what society thinks, I'll just live my life and be happy. That would be nice but is not realistic for me. I need acceptance, as you say, I need love.

I see you've switched gears here to "road rage" another great topic I have tremendous trouble with. I think of myself as a good person, all in all, BUT behind the wheel of the car....don't do me wrong on a bad day because I will go for the jugular. Payback is a ______. Lucky I don't own a gun and also lucky that I am a "weak" woman like the kind your bully driver was hoping to intimidate. Yeah. I can unfortunately be pushed around but I have a few maneuvers of my own that give me a small sense of payback. I just have to be careful who I'm dealing with. This horrible sense of madness is what I would call "learned" and forced upon people. Never in my life have I felt the rage that I feel driving at times these last few years. I sometimes feel like I've been forced to be a monster literally. I hate the feeling but I also hate being taken advantage of. Don't know where the middle ground is on this subject but "road rage" is dangerous and feels awful long after the actual incident is over. Good subject matter to raise in the forum I think Allimsaying. Maybe deserves it's own thread. Thanks for that.

HI Michelle,

Im glad you're feeling well enough to post in the forums again. Ive missed your keen observations here and the way you can get right to the heart of matters. Im sorry you've felt like a misfit too. God bless those few people who stay in our lives when it feels like no one will. My mom and dad were two and Ive managed to keep a few friendships I had from childhhood, but I still feel the pain of the many who walked away after the depression started and the countless many that 'the old me' would have easily befriended if not for my depression. No matter how hard I try I cant hide from feeling the need of being accepted and loved. Whichever way I try to look at it, I am still disappointed that things arent the way they used to be. On my better days I appreciate that because of depression I have increased empathy for others. I may never have developed that another way.

Roadrage and fitting in seem far removed from each other as topics but I know how I got here. While explaining how I interact socially I admitted that at times I feel antisocial and then my mind jumped to my behavior when angry and road rage is one of those times my anger gets loose from my control. Searching for love and acceptance and behaving antisocially simultaneously doesnt seem rational but I guess thats what anger is, irrational. I know where it stems from. Being abused by my step mother I was unable to defend myself or stop her and thats why, when I see someone else being abused now, it triggers those feelings and I fight back against it, powered by all the years of feeling helpless.

Maybe its similar for you?