[shelleygone]

Don't care anymore. Done believing in the inevitable.

[allimsaying]

It sounds like you're done believing in false hope. Ive been there. Its a pretty hopeless feeling when nothing around you seems real, or if it is, its someone elses party and you werent invited.

Its a hard place to be but it can also be a turning point for you. So you've had it with the false beliefs and empty promises and you dont believe anyone anymore and you might not even be sure if you should be believing yourself?

Its hard and exhausting. Each day you wake up its the same anyway so why bother?

I suppose, for me, I bothered because giving up meant all my beliefs about nothing being worth it would then become true. Id have no one but myself to blame.

Its hard putting one foot in front of the other. If everything is a lie except the one thing youre telling yourself (that its all a lie) then you do have one belief. You believe everything is a lie.

How true is that, really?

[gracez]

Hi Shelleygone,

I don't know exactly what's going on for you today, but you sound pretty low. Did something change? I wish I could help.

Is there anything that you are caring about, believing in or hoping for? What gets you thru?

I don't know what I'd say if asked those questions. Nothing gets me thru, I don't hang onto anything, and I never feel like I get thru. Most days I don't see the point of putting one foot in front of the other as it hasn't gotten me anywhere.

How can I help? I can always listen.

Sending hugs

Grace

[shelleygone]

You're right, I've just about had with pretty much everything. I am done believing things can change, I will change, life will change, all of it. I am done believing I deserve to fight for a life I want. I'm done believing that I am important or that I matter. It's not true.

You're also right about me not wanting to bother with anything anymore. Yes, I do have myself to blame for the outcome of my life, but I can accept this. I know what I'm going through right now is real, it's hard, and it's something that I am not good at dealing with. I have no way out, otherwise I'd have taken advantage of it years ago. I wouldn't have gone this long in the same condition, day in and day out, if I could have done something about it. So, I just accept that I am the blame and that's that.

You've got a great attitude and sound determined to pull through. That's good! I wish that were me, but I've lost hope and I just don't think I'll get any back. It's too late for me.

Thanks for your positive response and the hug. I appreciate it.

Originally Posted by allimsaying

It sounds like you're done believing in false hope. Ive been there. Its a pretty hopeless feeling when nothing around you seems real, or if it is, its someone elses party and you werent invited.

Its a hard place to be but it can also be a turning point for you. So you've had it with the false beliefs and empty promises and you dont believe anyone anymore and you might not even be sure if you should be believing yourself?

Its hard and exhausting. Each day you wake up its the same anyway so why bother?

I suppose, for me, I bothered because giving up meant all my beliefs about nothing being worth it would then become true. Id have no one but myself to blame.

Its hard putting one foot in front of the other. If everything is a lie except the one thing youre telling yourself (that its all a lie) then you do have one belief. You believe everything is a lie.

How true is that, really?

[shelleygone]

Yes, I'm having a bad day. I feel defeated and I'm just giving up on everything. I can't turn thins around and because so much time has passed, I don't even want to anymore. I'm basically just waiting to die. I don't want life anymore. I don't want any part of it.

I really don't know what's gotten me through. I guess maybe the reason I' still here has nothing to do with me. It's probably because I know there re few people who love and care for me and I'm not sure if they would understand if I were to die. I think they want me here, but I can't understand why. They see me, see how I am, see how difficult it is to be round me, see how miserable I am and how I don't care about anything anymore, so why would they even want me here? I know for sure they don't need me, but still I feel guilty for not wanting to live.

I feel like you do...why bother putting one foot in front of the other when it doesn't get you any closer to the finish line, or if not the finish line, at least in a better position?

You've already helped. You read my post and replied. You shared with me your feelings and this helps a great deal, as I get to see that there is someone out there who understands and can relate to what I'm going through. Thanks for being kind.

I hope things get better for you soon. ((hugs))

Originally Posted by gracez

Hi Shelleygone,

I don't know exactly what's going on for you today, but you sound pretty low. Did something change? I wish I could help.

Is there anything that you are caring about, believing in or hoping for? What gets you thru?

I don't know what I'd say if asked those questions. Nothing gets me thru, I don't hang onto anything, and I never feel like I get thru. Most days I don't see the point of putting one foot in front of the other as it hasn't gotten me anywhere.

How can I help? I can always listen.

Sending hugs

Grace

[Fuzzybear]

[allimsaying]

When I said I would only have myself to blame, thats what I meant, I would only have myself to blame. I didnt mean that you should blame yourself.

Blame is a messy thing, along with its cousins, guilt and credit. For me, I try to have none of it but if you can give yourself credit when things go right and somehow escape guilt when things go wrong, I recommend it.

If its true you are to blame, how about a little self forgiveness?

Originally Posted by shelleygone

You're right, I've just about had with pretty much everything. I am done believing things can change, I will change, life will change, all of it. I am done believing I deserve to fight for a life I want. I'm done believing that I am important or that I matter. It's not true.

You're also right about me not wanting to bother with anything anymore. Yes, I do have myself to blame for the outcome of my life, but I can accept this. I know what I'm going through right now is real, it's hard, and it's something that I am not good at dealing with. I have no way out, otherwise I'd have taken advantage of it years ago. I wouldn't have gone this long in the same condition, day in and day out, if I could have done something about it. So, I just accept that I am the blame and that's that.

You've got a great attitude and sound determined to pull through. That's good! I wish that were me, but I've lost hope and I just don't think I'll get any back. It's too late for me.

Thanks for your positive response and the hug. I appreciate it.

[0w6c379]

I understand how it feels after years and years of hoping, believing, life will get better, only to be disappointed in the end. It is just not fair. Why did life turn out so bad for some of us? What did we do? I'm sure we are good people. Are we just the token few in the world who serve as a gauge on the measuring stick of life? We are here to boost the lives of others and that's it? No joy for us, no love for us, no nothing. I'm sorry you are in similar pain. I was hoping to reach a better stage in life, in my future, but my future is now and now s____s. I don't know how to deal with it all either, except I just keep going through the motions of living. I have no motivation anymore. It is so hard to come to this realization. No hope .

I don't want to leave you on that note. I want to say something positive. I feel for you because I know. The only good thing I can say is that I can still appreciate the beauty of nature. The flowers blooming, the rivers flowing, the trees standing tall, the blue sky above, the warmth of the sun and the light of the moon and the stars at night. I can see them, the gift of sight allows me to appreciate something. That's about it.

[wadingthruemotions]

I can so relate to you Michelle25. I am there, have been there for a while now and am just not 100% understanding what that truly means for me.

I say this shelleygone to let you know that I too understand. I don't want to just add to the downer of that but only to relay if you need someone to talk to, I'm all for it. It truly sucks to feel like there is no one in your life that gets this to talk to. It is sad.

I still get up though and trudge along. I try to appreciate any 'good' time that comes and that is usually by pure force on part to get out of the house and make an effort but that is dwindling as well. I realize I am doing that for the others and not for myself soooo...anyhoos.

If there is anything in your life, small as it may be, that you could focus on that is not negative I would try that. That is about all I can offer other than the ear if you need it.

Major hugs to you.

[beautifulfreak]

Hi there…I feel same as you do Shelley…stagnant and no way out. I can't put a positive spin on my feelings but what I can offer is knowing you not alone in feeling this.

[Fuzzybear]