[Turtleboy]

been awful the past while but im optimistic today things seem a bit brighter

Good wishes for everyone hurting, prayers for those who want them.

I don't really like to be negative, but I am sooooo sick.

[tigersassy]

Feeling low. I don't like this feeling using music to focus but could get in trouble for that at work. Need the extra noise. Otherwise I might snap and I don't wanna do that. Wanna stay safe and sane. Could be tough today.

[IcryWhoAmI]

Just been feeling really tired as I always do, and just really hopeless.

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by will19

I spent part of the day with a friend of mine with a walk and lunch. It was nice to be together. But I felt very depressed after that. I felt very alone and depressed about being unattached. It seems like I live in a coupled world. And I've felt like an outcast about this all of my life.

Hi will19....Just wanted to mention that I relate very much to what you're saying here about the feelings that come from being unattached, etc. Me too, for sure. Aside from the fact that I don't have a husband, boyfriend, SI, etc., and the only person I'd really call a friend (who's not online only)....is very busy and lives 4 hours away....I live in a small town where most of the people I meet have been here pretty much forever, and even though I feel like there are people out there who may like me, no one has any time or even "openings" for new friends. I've lived here for almost sixteen years, and the only two people I've met that I actually socialized with both moved away within a few months of each other. Of course I'm still open to meeting people, but it's been pretty discouraging. I just thank God for the Redwood trees, the amazing wildlife and my four cats Wishing you happier times in the future ~whimsy

[tigerlily84]

Feeling ok today. Things are coming together with the new job. Sort of.

I hope everyone has a good day today.

[lindammarie]

Originally Posted by Bark

New thread, everybody!

I'd like to start this thread with an up: four months of mental torment is finally over! I finally submitted the paper and wrote the exam for a class I had last semester. And I passed! Woohoo!

Wonderful, wonderful news!!

[lindammarie]

Originally Posted by tigerlily84

Thanks for the new thread Bark!!

So, I feel better. Well I'll amend that. I still feel a bit disconnected. Like all my emotions are just beneath the surface. But I'm surviving. I am here.

Last night I got together with some friends and actually had fun. I didn't stay for long but I'm glad that I went. I think I may have been overly sentimental but I realized that I do have friends that care about me. My therapist called me to check in with me, and I felt like she cared too. And my mom wrote me a note to call her if I needed to. And all of you guys here on PC help me so much. And I even wrote a few anonymous emails to the Samaritans and some of their volunteers have been emailing me back.

I am humbled that anyone would care about me at all. And it's making me think twice about wanting to end my life. So thank you, I really and truly mean that.

It's hard to believe anyone cares about us when we seem so unlikable to ourselves... But I really do care. Just seeing your name here makes me feel better...

[lindammarie]

Originally Posted by herethennow

i'm reaching burnout soon. caring for another depressed friend, and a friend who has mental health issues, and another who is bullied... and i can't take care of myself. i'm scared this will lead me to where i think it will: hospitalisation.

i'm tired.

Of course you're tired. I hope you are able to find a way to put yourself first and get the rest you need.

[Bark]

Moved out to stay with my dad. Didn't get those papers done... I e-mailed my instructor to see if there's anything I can do about it.

On the plus side, my stable mood is still around, thank goodness. It feels so great to finally get a break. Saw my psychiatrist today, no changes, and saw my psychologist, who had an opening today. I think we're going to get along well. She pointed out how I use humour and sarcasm to distance myself from things, and I agree. She also mentioned how I was pretty emotionally detached about what I was saying. After I left, I couldn't help but laugh to myself. Not sure why, to be honest. Maybe partly because I see myself as wearing my emotions on my sleeves. Yeah, we have a lot to work on.

[lindammarie]

Originally Posted by gracez

can it get any worse? just got back to where i live with a room-mate, who's away. i was away dog-sitting also since fri. back window is off, there's been a break-in and some of my stuff, most precious to me, is stolen.

So, so sorry. Saying a prayer for you. I know you must feel sort of violated...

[lindammarie]

Originally Posted by tigerlily84

Update on me: I called a suicide hotline on Saturday because my suicidal thoughts were overwhelming. I spoke to a very nice woman who really helped me. And that evening my brother drove out to see me and I told him how I was feeling. He was very kind and supportive, as he has been there himself. I stayed at my dad's Saturday and all day today. I had a good time, it was good to see him. So I'm hanging in there. I feel a bit disconnected today though.

I am so glad you knew where to call -- and that you spent time with your dad. You are a good role model for me to take care of myself.

[lindammarie]

Originally Posted by whimsygirl

Aside from the fact that I don't have a husband, boyfriend, SI, etc., and the only person I'd really call a friend (who's not online only)....is very busy and lives 4 hours away....I live in a small town where most of the people I meet have been here pretty much forever, and even though I feel like there are people out there who may like me, no one has any time or even "openings" for new friends. I've lived here for almost sixteen years, and the only two people I've met that I actually socialized with both moved away within a few months of each other. Of course I'm still open to meeting people, but it's been pretty discouraging. I just thank God for the Redwood trees, the amazing wildlife and my four cats Wishing you happier times in the future ~whimsy

I don't know why it's so hard to make friends. I am married, but even so, I mostly feel very alone.

[lindammarie]

Originally Posted by Bark

Moved out to stay with my dad. Didn't get those papers done... I e-mailed my instructor to see if there's anything I can do about it.

On the plus side, my stable mood is still around, thank goodness. It feels so great to finally get a break. Saw my psychiatrist today, no changes, and saw my psychologist, who had an opening today. I think we're going to get along well. She pointed out how I use humour and sarcasm to distance myself from things, and I agree. She also mentioned how I was pretty emotionally detached about what I was saying. After I left, I couldn't help but laugh to myself. Not sure why, to be honest. Maybe partly because I see myself as wearing my emotions on my sleeves. Yeah, we have a lot to work on.

I hope your time with your dad is good for you -- and that your work with your counselor continues to go well.

[Nammu]

Around my right eye my face has swollen up so much my eye is shut. At first I thought it was allergies but as the day went on it got worse & I called the doc, have an appointment tomorrow. Because I took an allergy pill not sure I'll sleep, theres all kinds of pills that cause me to become hyper or insomnic. Just want to scream......my face is so sterched out its painful. It's 68 degrees but I'm so hot.

With only one eye it's hard to read so I apologize to everyone if I missed your postings today.

[Ganymede00]

I've been doing alright, I guess. Can't concentrate very easily and I feel overwhelmed at times, though. Now that my art classes are over, I've got nothing to do and sometimes the bad thoughts creep up on me. I've been somewhat successful at keeping them at bay. I've also started therapy recently. I'm gonna try to gather enough strength to actually start looking for a "real" job soon so I guess I'll have that to preoccupy my mind with. I just wanna get better :/

Originally Posted by whimsygirl

Hi will19....Just wanted to mention that I relate very much to what you're saying here about the feelings that come from being unattached, etc. Me too, for sure. Aside from the fact that I don't have a husband, boyfriend, SI, etc., and the only person I'd really call a friend (who's not online only)....is very busy and lives 4 hours away....I live in a small town where most of the people I meet have been here pretty much forever, and even though I feel like there are people out there who may like me, no one has any time or even "openings" for new friends. I've lived here for almost sixteen years, and the only two people I've met that I actually socialized with both moved away within a few months of each other. Of course I'm still open to meeting people, but it's been pretty discouraging. I just thank God for the Redwood trees, the amazing wildlife and my four cats Wishing you happier times in the future ~whimsy

Thanks so much, Whimseygirl. I've traveled through Willits a couple of times and it's a beautiful little town. At least that's what I think of it. It's on Route 101.

Funny thing is that nice beautiful little towns tend to be the most lonely places for single people. I know because I came from a beautiful small place. One of the most prettiest places anywhere and yet I was painfully lonely when I lived there. I feel like I'm doing a little bit better where I am now, but I feel the place I'm at is not so beautiful anymore. It's getting too crowded and built up now. Still there are some nice places to go, but it's not as nice as it used to be.

[tigerlily84]

Just had the BEST session with my therapist!

I talked to her about everything and I feel so relieved. I still have a long way to go, but I see some light at the end of the tunnel at least. I'm still feeling emotional, but it's a good thing. Now I'm just tired! I got work tomorrow, blah!

Doing a little better. I'm still nauseated. I ate something several days ago that I was allergic to, and my metabolism is so slow it's taken this long to get it out of my system.

[tigerlily84]

Originally Posted by lindammarie

It's hard to believe anyone cares about us when we seem so unlikable to ourselves... But I really do care. Just seeing your name here makes me feel better...

Ohmygosh, Lindamarie I'm so glad that you here! Thank you so much for saying that you care. I'm still feeling emotional from my therapist appointment... I dunno, I started crying when I read this. Thank you. Listen, if you need someone to talk to, please PM me. I mean that.

Regarding your other post: I don't know that I'm a role model. Right now I feel like I went 6 rounds with Mike Tyson, lol. But if there's one thing I've learned, it's to reach out if you need help. My offer stands if you need to talk! Or I can at least point you towards people who can help you more than I ever could.

[tigerlily84]

Originally Posted by Bark

Moved out to stay with my dad. Didn't get those papers done... I e-mailed my instructor to see if there's anything I can do about it.

On the plus side, my stable mood is still around, thank goodness. It feels so great to finally get a break. Saw my psychiatrist today, no changes, and saw my psychologist, who had an opening today. I think we're going to get along well. She pointed out how I use humour and sarcasm to distance myself from things, and I agree. She also mentioned how I was pretty emotionally detached about what I was saying. After I left, I couldn't help but laugh to myself. Not sure why, to be honest. Maybe partly because I see myself as wearing my emotions on my sleeves. Yeah, we have a lot to work on.

We're all works in progress. Don't worry about emotionally detaching during therapy. I do the same thing.

I'm glad the move went well!

[Shadow-world]

After months of being in general better, i had a meltdown since Monday night.
Once again about this man I can't let go of in my heart. Now he's left the town in which I live in the UK and moved to Montreal, Canada with his family (that's the absolute confirmation that he has family) and I will never see him again in my life.
I'm so distraught. I've invested so much emotionally in him. I haven't protected myself enough.
I need to be guarded more, not open my heart like this so much and then have nothing left when nothing comes of my longings.

I'm off work now (and am still on probation there!), as I am just a crying wreck without enough sleep.
I'll try to go in tomorrow, as I'm currently doing the destructive thing and go through everything that hurts me so much in my head again and again.

I better sleep or try to distract myself now.

I think I'll never ever have a relationship with a man or be really loved by someone. It was hard enough to give up on the wish for a biological child, but now I think I should just also give up to ever really be with someone. I'm not feeling loveable or worthy and get into this way of thinking that having hardly had a relationship at my age means that something is wrong with me. And being on my own (in the flat) I'm trying hard not to get into this spiral of thinking that it wouldn't matter really to anyone if I just wasn't here any longer. No dependants, nobody to leave behind... I shouldn't even go there.

[tigerlily84]

I have to take a test for my department in order to take calls at work. Ack, test anxiety is the WORST!

I just have to keep telling myself that I don't need a perfect score, just an 85%. Plus, I can always take it again if I need to.

[IcryWhoAmI]

Somedays, even though I may feel fine, I still get some sort of sinking feeling in my chest that never goes away.

[phaset]

Hi everyone...

I saw my new therapist on Monday. I think I like her a lot. She's very different than my last one. It'll be a couple weeks until I can get back in but I have a few appointments booked after that. She seemed to agree with my Dr's opinion about my current anxiety level being related to the sudden increase of blood pressure. It's still very much there after increasing my medication for that, but maybe it's just mangifying what I'd be feeling anyway right now with all that's going on.

I found out yesterday that a friends baby is in the hospital (it's serious) so this is going to be a rough week. He's supposed to be moving this weekend so I'm going to help out.