[Ohlostme]

Just trying to figure out what to live for. Other people may live for their family or their jobs/businesses or because they're having fun (what's that like?). Or maybe for what they think the future is going to be like for them. Or for some, religious reasons (thinking it's wrong to end it). I have none of the above. I'm just going through the motions...or should I say dragging through the motions? Emotionally exhausted, hopeless, chronically depressed. Not exactly a day at Disneyland. Certainly not incentive to get up every morning.

Years ago I never could have imagined that I'd be this low for this much of my life. Is this all there'll be? Am I staying alive just because I haven't suffered enough? THAT masochistic I'm not! Gawd...

[Bethsway]

Oh lost me...I am sorry you are feeling so down...there must be some good reasons to be here...maybe smelling flowers? drinking good cup of coffee? baking a cake? doing the crossword puzzle in the Sunday paper? Crunching the leaves beneath your feet on a auntumn day? building a snowman? singing in the shower? just pick one good thing to do every day for yourself...see what happens? I am caring about you...and so are so many here at PC...Hope tomorrow is better for you!!!

[dcs_no1_fan]

Well said Bethsway

there are a lot of people on here that do care as bethsway said try doing somthing small everyday & see how you go T.C

[FaithisAlive]

Or maybe.. watching the sun rise and set.. listening to the sweet music of the birds... and watching the squirrels play..feeling the breeze upon your face....

Hang in there...you will see it one day for yourself... your purpose...

if you dont mind me asking, how old are you Ohlostme?

we all go through this stage in depression, it swallows us up and we lose sight of daylight and happiness. it will return one day, honest. we all have a purpose in life, and although we may not know it most times, there is reason.

i am sorry you are feeling this way, i know just how ugly it can be. i use to stay indoors and never leave my house or speak to anyone, i hid from the world and couldnt face it. everyday i questioned my existence and i never knew why i was on this earth. then one day i saw the way out of depression, and ever since ive been gradually healing. it does take a long time, thats for sure, and it takes so much hard work. probably the hardest work you will ever have to do in life.

i know you are a benefit to us here at PC, so if anything, that is your purpose at the moment. you are a credit to me and others here, so just remember you are not useless like you think you are.

i wish you all the best Ohlostme in this, for i certainly know how hard it can be. please be aware that i amongst others am here for you when you need us.

take care and speak soon.

simon

[Frozen_Heart]

Ohlostme, your post actually reminded me of the book, 7 habits of highly effective people. One chapter focuses on what our main focus in life is (individually). I found that interesting because my life used to marriage based. Meaning, the marriage was my focus. Not our feelings about each other but, rather, I lived for the purpose of the marriage and what my vision of marriage was. When my marriage was lost, I was left with the question, 'WHAT NOW?'
What I found personally, is that I need to live to support myself and be kind to myself and take care of myself. If I'm not ok, then I can't be ok for anyone else.

Just food for thought. If you do get a chance, I would reccommend that book to anyone, I found a lot of useful 'tools' by reading it.

[Ohlostme]

"if you dont mind me asking, how old are you Ohlostme?"

56.

Thanks, folks. It's nice to know so many of you care.

I wish I could get a kick out of looking at sunsets or drinking a cup of coffee, but I feel dead inside. Numb (except for the pain), The little things just aren't enough right now. Nice sunsets aren't much compensation when you're full of hurt and feeling lost, scared (about the future) and like a failure. Yes, I'd feel WONDERFUL if I could walk through Autumn leaves or make a snowman -- I LOVE Autumn and Winter -- but I'm stuck in Southern California, where such things don't exist. That's part of why I'm so depressed...I want to go back east and live where the seasons change again. But out-of-state moves cost money and I never seem to be able to get ahead, financially. Even if I did get a lump sum of money and was able to move, I still wouldn't know what to do with myself once I got there. I've been struggling with this for a long time.

I moved back east ten years ago - for the weather and the scenery - and was shocked to find that the weather and the scenery weren't enough. It was beautiful, and exactly what I went there for. But I was totally isolated, no friends, no family, no job (I had money for a while so I didn't need to work). I felt so empty - no one to share the beauty with. I ate a lot (food is my drug of choice) and gained weight.

I've been looking for my purpose in life for SOOOOOOO long. Hence the name...