can't forgive myself

I cannot forgive myself for the things that I have done in the past, to others and to myself. I am not perfect. I am not ready to move on. I am just probably going to wallow in despair some more, not letting the past go and things like that. I really want to though but the fact that I cannot forget it overnight just makes it worse.

If you can forgive yourself, it makes it easier to forgive others. If you've hurt others, then ask yourself, was it intentional? If it wasnt, forgive yourself. We cant always know the best way to respond to lifes situations. Sometimes we need to make mistakes to learn.

If it was intentional, make a choice about that being the way you want to live your life. If it isnt, and you are breathing, you have time to change your thoughts. There is time to change the way you interact with others. You'll need to learn a whole new set of coping skills, but knowing you are making changes and believing you will become a better person, even if the world is against you, is something you can lean on to help get through hard times.

Forgiveness is a step to getting better. Lay the past down. You cannot change it. What's done is done but you can control what happens today and tomorrow.

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You'll never forget the things you have done that you regret. Everyone makes mistakes, sometimes we do what we felt was good for us or right for us even at the expense of others. It sounds like you are feeling some guilt for some things you have done. Guilt can be a positive emmotiin. It keeps us in check with our conscious. Most people do something wrong and they feel bad about it. It is a normal feeling. Don't let your guilt consume you. Because you did something wrong doesn't make you a bad person. It just means you made a mistake and wanted things to go differently.

Try to come to terms with what ever it was you did. Was it accidental, on purpose or even malicous? What was the consequences of it? Did someone's feelings get hurt, did someone physically get hurt or die? The only thing you can do at this point is try to worm on yourself and not make the same decision. Going to the people that you have wronged and making ammends can be a way to release some of the guilt you are feeling. Don't be too hard on yourself.

One perspective on Forgiveness (self or others; discard this perspective if not useful): Forgiveness is like a fruit. It has to ripen in its own time. Trying to force it by mental gymnastics too often results in weak, artificial self-delusion.

You are the victim of your inability to forgive. Forgiveness does more for oneself than
it does for anyone else. Pray about it if you are a believer in a faith of some type.
Often, it seems to me it's the result of having too much conscience or too much guilt
handed to us when we were knee-high.

Now that you're an adult, take yourself in hand and tell yourself that you're only hurting yourself by not forgiving. Letting go of past hurts frees yourself. If you really want
to be free, then forgive and move on.

There's an interesting little paperback called "Forgiving and Moving On". I re-read parts
of it at times when I need a little lesson that day in forgiving. Frankly, I can't imagine
not forgiving. Can you imagine what kind of paralysis would result in us if we carried
all ours and others' mistakes in our hearts indefinitely? I don't even like to think about it.

most of the time in life, it has been unintentional but mother nature won't allow it. she says I have to be good. sometimes when i do somethign bad, it comes back to haunt me. Others may take a bit while. Maybe they're much more praised. sometimes doing the nice thing or asking a thoughtful conversation can result in others getting mad at you. Why? they're already in a bad mood but since they don't tell you, how do you know? If they had told me, I would have been more empathetic.

Its good you feel like you have to be good. Its hard to always be good, at least it has been for me, but Im working on it. Its hard to be 'good' in a society that appears to reward 'bad'. You might feel like you're the only one who's ever felt this way but you arent. You're experiencing it now like others before you and you're pretty vocal about it. I see that as being better than doing something rebellious. I think you need to take a long look at who it is you're trying so hard to fit in with. Ive been around, I know the influences out there. It seems to me you've chosen the local 'pack' as someone to fit in with. They might seem like they're popular, they might seem like they have all the friends, they might seem like they're doing stuff all the time, and you dont want to be left out. You want them to accept you cause they're the 'cool' crowd. Am I way off track here?

No, you're not. You're right on track.

Ok. Youve said you're different. Thats not a bad thing. Some people need to separate themselves from the pack for various reasons. People call us loners. I bet half of PC are loners. Are we all bad? NO way. There are some of the greatest people on Earth here. I think its healthy for a person to choose solitude on occasion.

It hurts when its thrust on us but it builds strength in the independence of character. It hurts like heck and it beats a lot of people.

You could be a pack of one to yourself but that gets lonely. There are others like you but you'll have to find them. I know you're skeptical about spiritual things but I believe God always knows what we need. It may not be given in the time we think it should but God knows and if we're watchful, we'll see where we need to go next. Sometimes its alone, sometimes its with others.

Solitude is better on some occasions, but prolonged solitude kills me.

Have you read the other thread? i was wondering where you have been.

You move pretty fast lol. Im trying to keep up.

You're funny.

HaHa thanks. I was a lot funnier before depression. Depression turned me pretty serious for a lot of years. Its good to feel laughter again