No one ever said it would be this hard...

I didn't fully realise it until tonight ... but now is the first time that i've actually 100% been alone. Last year i had so many people that i was close to ... so many people that i trusted ... so many people that i loved. but now they're all gone. I'm here, and their there. Tonight i went out to dinner with some people on my floor, and we went to this pub/restaurant overlooking the arena ... i literally felt sick to my stomach being there. I kept having like flashbacks to when i was there for hockey, to when i was there with my second family pretty much .... and all of my decisions about not playing varsity hockey this year were thrown back in my face. I chose not to play this year .. i thought it would be good to take time off and step back and re-evaluate my life .... maybe it was just the depression thinking though. My roomate is gone for the night ... i spent a good time contemplating if i should take some pills and just sleep .... i'm just not thinking clearly anymore. I'm not motivated to do anything ... all i want to do is sleep and cry ... but even that is too much effort. I dont know what to do ...

Dear Jacq10,

I am sorry you are feeling so alone right now. I myself am new to the site, and just recently (couple of hours) felt that extreme feeling. Even though my kids are here, I still felt "alone". Just wanted to let you know that I am usually up late (too late) and if you want to chat, just pm me.

Let me know if you need me.

)))hugs((((

It sounds like you are just dealing with a bit of lonliness and maybe uncertainty about whats next. You will soon find yourself surrounded by new people to care for you.. hang tight... just a bit of adjusting to be done is all...almost like redefining yourself and your life...

And sometimes when we change the path our lives have been on, it leaves us questioning ourselves and our futures.... when you have been going in the same direction for a good while.. it can be a bit unsettling to find you are facing the road unknown... but it can be exciting too..

Fill that time you would have been playing hockey in.. with something else that sparks your interest..hang in there.. and rest your spirit.. crying is cleansing. so maybe you should let the tears flow.. and sleep.. let your body rest.. the depression will lift... every tomorrow is a new day...

Faithisalive...that was great advice...yes try to take it one day at a time and fill your life with new experiences...you will find a new niche...new friends and not feel so all alone!!! hugs to you!!

((((((((((Jacqueline))))))))))

I'm so sorry. If its any consolation - you're not completely alone because you have all of us here - and we care a lot about you.

If varsity hockey is something you feel really passionate about - is there any way you can get back into it now? Or another hockey related team/event/social activity?

Try to talk to someone IRL about this - they can help. I don't know what to say to help - but I understand the lack of motivation to do anything, I really do.

Take care of yourself and PM me if you ever need to chat. *hugs*

Thanks guys, that really means alot to me. Last night I was not in a good spot, but thanks to your comments, and a good nights sleep I am feeling a little bit better.

((((((((jacq10))))))))