[Ganymede00]

The therapist I wanna see emailed me back and we are trying to set up an appointment by phone. I hate talking on the phone so we'll see if he accepts to see me in person instead. I'm nervous about seeing yet another therapist but I've come to learn that in therapy (and life), I have to take what works for me and leave what doesn't.

[angryworld]

Don't like the heat. Had some very bleak thoughts about my dead end job, I have no idea where the money's going to come from when I get really sick. But here I am at the end of the day feeling ok. I think that should count for something.

[tigersassy]

So tired. Was up too late. Going to sleep after work.

[tokiwartooth]

I broke down on Sunday after church. I just couldn't hold it all in. Then I had a headache for the rest of the day because of that. But he gave me a nice big hug, twice, and it just felt so good to hold him, and it helped me a little bit.

[herethennow]

Went out with a friend.. caught a movie, accompanied her shopping. All the while inside, I feel like this is my last day with her and that I should go soon....

[themonster7]

I'm sick of being like this. The only thing that can change me is me, and I've proven to myself time and time again I have to strength to do something about it, so now I will.

I'm really tired of feeling so anxious and depressed, I've made a mess of my whole life

[Grey Matter]

Downs; Hospital visit (where my doctor is) for more tests etc etc. I am terrified I am going to break down in tears.

[tokiwartooth]

I can say one thing, since I started Nutrisystem, I'm not as tired as I was when I was eating badly. I'm tired, yes, but it is so much better than before. I guess it's getting my blood sugar regulated and that's helping a lot. I've lost 7 pounds so far, 93 to go.

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by tokiwartooth

I've lost 7 pounds so far, 93 to go.

Congrats....And good luck going forward!

Had to stay over and get an hour of OT because of some troubles overnight. I am so tired now.
Nap.

[1948kate]

On my way to my podcast. Hopefully she'll have some ideas to get me out of this hopeless hell. I don't think I can stand this depression much longer. Where are tou normal or even hypo mania, you're lots more fun!

[Nammu]

The teeter-totter is in a hole with me dangling off the edge and theres no one on the other end.

I'm trapped in the monkey bars.

The merry-go-round is spinning out of control.

The parachute wont deploy.

[jegsu01]

Today went good. I drove up to see my therapist and had a really good session. The ride home was pleasant. Plus, my nephew found out he did not have to have surgery on a broken hand.

[lindammarie]

Originally Posted by whimsygirl

I know things would be different if I was able to believe that some day I could have "real" friends"....the kind that care about me enough to think I'm worth working things out with if there's a problem, the kind that are able to accept that the depression I suffer from is not scary, but rather just something going haywire with the chemicals in my brain (plus other mysterious factors)....or that it's like when they were grieving over the loss of their loved one, but just without a specific reason. But so far I haven't found those people ....and I don't have much hope that I ever will. The last person who was a big part of my life, and who was supposedly my bff, couldn't understand....but what's worse she couldn't even respect me enough to admit that, despite the fact that it was so obvious. So in the end she just threw me out of her life like a piece of trash and has completely "shunned" me for a year and a half now. Screening my calls, not responding to the long letter I wrote her, and ignoring it every time I told her how painful it was not to have any idea what had happened. I stopped trying to communicate with her a long time ago now. Bottom line....The Prayer of Serenity is the guiding force in my life, but I am stuck at "God give me the serenity to accept the things I can not change". Yes I have to accept the fact that I can't make people care about me....or to love me....but I also don't know how long I can go on feeling so alone. To anyone who made it through this....thank you ~whimsy

It's hard finding the "lovers" out there, isn't it? (And I don't mean that word in a sexual way.) I'm looking for a "soul friend", too -- one who isn't simply online or all the way across the country...

Sigh...

Until we find them, we must nurture ourselves, I'm afraid...

(((((Whimsy)))))

[lindammarie]

Weird day. I took a step toward being part of something other than my church group. But I opened my big fat mouth and sent my dil an email regarding something that was obviously none of my business. And I am sure it didn't feel good to her when she read it. Then there's the worry about the swelling in my feet/ankles. Hope the doctor's office calls tomorrow to tell me we can move my appointment up...

[tigerlily84]

Originally Posted by whimsygirl

Sorry about this tigerlily It appears that they don't deserve you. If you're looking for other employment, wishing you the best of luck with that

So sorry for the late response on this. Thank you for your kind words, Whimsy! I was very depressed over the weekend as a result of not getting the job. Tomorrow I have a meeting with my boss and some other higher ups... about what, I have no idea. One of my friends suggested that I talk to her, but I'm terrible with confrontations. I've decided that I'm going to just do what I can, because that's the only thing I have control over. And I'll need all the luck I can get in my job search, so thanks for that too!

Regarding your friend, I wish I could give you a hug right now! IMO, you're better off without someone like her in your life. Why? Because you deserve to be treated better. You really do.

[herethennow]

i don't want to see pdoc. no i don't. i don't want to tell him about failed sui attempt. i wanted that info for T only.. but i didn't get a chance to tell her. T doesn't want to continue on with me anyway. so what for continue on with her?

yup this sums up how i'm feeling now.

[Bark]

Didn't sleep properly because I travelled halfway across the world. Taking my meds was skewed too. Probably is affecting my mood. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow.

But now I don't feel like doing anything, it feels like there's a weight on my chest, I've realized just how bad my memory is (I accidentally deleted nearly all the photos from my trip and only realized that after I arrived back home, among other things), and I think the meds don't work anymore. I don't know. And things back home are still the same, still stressful, and now I have classes to worry about....

I feel like such a jerk for not going back and reading the posts I missed or replying to any.

I think I'll see if I can move my appointment with my psychiatrist closer. Maybe I'll talk to one of the nurses and see. I've been so lazy and unmotivated I haven't been tracking my mood and sleep, so I don't even know how they've been.

Everyone says I should focus on myself and succeeding in school. Meh. I'm not worth anything. I want to curl up in a corner and not feel anything.

Eh, ignore this. I'm rambling on and on almost begging for pity. It's pitiful all right.

[herethennow]

Originally Posted by Bark

Didn't sleep properly because I travelled halfway across the world. Taking my meds was skewed too. Probably is affecting my mood. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow.

But now I don't feel like doing anything, it feels like there's a weight on my chest, I've realized just how bad my memory is (I accidentally deleted nearly all the photos from my trip and only realized that after I arrived back home, among other things), and I think the meds don't work anymore. I don't know. And things back home are still the same, still stressful, and now I have classes to worry about....

I feel like such a jerk for not going back and reading the posts I missed or replying to any.

I think I'll see if I can move my appointment with my psychiatrist closer. Maybe I'll talk to one of the nurses and see. I've been so lazy and unmotivated I haven't been tracking my mood and sleep, so I don't even know how they've been.

Everyone says I should focus on myself and succeeding in school. Meh. I'm not worth anything. I want to curl up in a corner and not feel anything.

Eh, ignore this. I'm rambling on and on almost begging for pity. It's pitiful all right.

Bark, don't feel bad for rambling. If you feel bad I feel bad too... you're not a jerk, really.

Anyway, came clean with pdoc about failed sui attempt. :/ despite me insisting on no hospitalisation, I'm here... again... in the same psychiatric ward. Gonna try my best to be on PC these days because it's gonna be hell here. *sigh* I feel like I've just disappointed my family....

[tokiwartooth]

Didn't sleep well last night because the cat kept waking me up. I never sleep soundly or fully through the night with my cat. I love him but he is crazy.

My ex is at it again...no telling if she really is imploding or just likes it when she makes me think she is.
Either way that is exhaustig and my daughter needs so much stuff. Ugh.

[1948kate]

Still depressed pod said the Viibryd should kick in in a couple weeks. Hope she's right. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired

[themonster7]

Yesterday I made a list of all my triggers and a list of all the things that I know help to ease the pain during my downs. I've made my goal for the day to write out my short term and long term goals, and I'll push myself to complete two each month. Restarting my old workout regime so I can gain back the weight I lost from shingles, and as of August 28th my full smile is back and I can almost close my eye again. I'm determined to make this one a permanent up.

[shortandcute]

still not sure what to do about my meds................................