[tigerlily84]

My stomach hurts and I also have a headache. I guess it's good I'm doing paperwork today. I'm not really in the mood to talk to anyone.

[Nammu]

eh.......

[Edda]

It is especially hard tonight. I'm lost in pain. I really think it will never end. That I have already had my share of joy in life, I fulfilled my purpose and what lies ahead is beyond bleak.

I'm not even sure why I post. I guess it is better to ramble on here than to shut up and act on how I feel.

[Edda]

It is almost ironic how such posts go completely unnoticed.

I guess it is only right this way.

I guess people do make a noise for a while and then just go quiet realizing that there is no point after all, there never was and they fade, unnoticed, undignified.

Like a deer under a bush.

[Ganymede00]

I had my intake appointment with a psychologist today. It went...meh and now I'm even more confused than before. I'm not sure where to go from here or if I should bother trying anymore

[gracez]

Hi, Edda,

just wanted to say you've been read I haven't been posting much recently, but I think of everyone here and check the posts - I go thru periods where I'm just too nonverbal to get up the energy to go verbal.

Depression stinks, really does, but we're gonna stick it thru somehow. I also every day feel hopeless or think there's no point, but some other thing tells me to keep existing.

Sending hugs

Gracez

[themonster7]

I know better by now than too say I can keep an up mood a permanent up, but I can honestly say tonight I'm up and I'm happy for it and savoring it.

[Iamwho]

Originally Posted by Edda

It is especially hard tonight. I'm lost in pain. I really think it will never end. That I have already had my share of joy in life, I fulfilled my purpose and what lies ahead is beyond bleak.

I'm not even sure why I post. I guess it is better to ramble on here than to shut up and act on how I feel.

I feel you. My mental pain and stress is .... and don't know what....
I have thought for years that I am done. Nothing but more suffering and stress to come.
I am still here and finally trying to rejoin the world.
Dr. put me on Prozac and I'm losing my mind.

[Iamwho]

Originally Posted by Edda

It is almost ironic how such posts go completely unnoticed.

I guess it is only right this way.

I guess people do make a noise for a while and then just go quiet realizing that there is no point after all, there never was and they fade, unnoticed, undignified.

Like a deer under a bush.

Exactly, but seems like someone eventually responds.
Yes, some of us do seem to fade away.
I did. But 'm back, so there must have been some point to it.

Ops, don't know what I did. I have thumb and wrist brace on and hit something.

[Iamwho]

Yeah! I look forward to those periods of time. I've had them before.

The downs are just that now.
The deep seated sad, numbing depression seems to have been handled nicely by the effexor.
And I am now free to live my life, no longer strapped to a past trying to make amends where no amends are desired.

[jegsu01]

Hope everyones day is going well.

My day started early and is still going. So far I am feeling up to thetaskof the day, I am just hoping it stays that way.

enjoy your day.

[1948kate]

Better today, gone from severly depressed to melencoly. At least I can feel something. No longer Spock.

[lindammarie]

Originally Posted by 1948kate

Doing a little better today. My awesome therapist got me to laugh at myself yesterday, and then informed me I could distract myself from th depression by trying to find the humor in life, even if it is a stretch. Also my psych service dog-in-training went for a walk in our small town downtown. He was great, did exactly what he was suppose to do. Everyone smiled at us, that certainly made me feel less isolated. I think Bear (see picture above) and I are going to make it, together, through the present dark tunnel

I am so glad you have Bear. (I have cats, but they're just not the same as a pup!)

[lindammarie]

Sonogram found nothing. Went for a lung scan. Nothing.

Maybe it's all in my head... like my negativity and depression.

How do I climb out of this hole?

When will I be as OK as I pretend in front of others?

I am down cause I miss my daughter.
Too bad me and her mama couldnt work some things out.
But that is done now.
Time to move on.

[Bark]

Looks like the travelling and skewed sleep was affecting my mood, because I've been feeling better. But the tiredness, laziness, and memory problems are still there.

Saw my counsellor the other day. It was nice talking to him, even though there were plenty of interruptions (but at least I had time to talk). I did talk a bit about the medications, and I guess because I'm stable moodwise, my doctor won't want to touch them, not to mention it's a bad idea at the beginning of the semester.

Speaking of semesters, I still haven't gotten all my courses, and I'm still not sure if I'm going to take a part-time load (I have to petition for that). I need humanities electives, but I'm worried about the reading and writing component. I'm not sure how much I can handle. Hopefully getting into a routine will help my tiredness and motivation. Otherwise... well, at least my mood is stable (barring those fun dips into self-loathing and negativity and more triggering ideas). I have that. It's something I didn't have in the spring.

I'm going to petition. If I'm having this many doubts I don't think I want to try 12 credits. Sure, everyone will wonder why I'm not taking a full load and I'll feel like I'm pretending I have problems when I don't and I should be able to handle more and if I can't I'm just plain stupid and...

I hope everyone has a good day. And for those who are finding it really rough, hang in there! If I was a millionaire I'd visit all you folks.

[Grey Matter]

I had a... good day. I took a nap (which was needed) and read + did homework and socialized with my family. I really can't complain about today.

[tigersassy]

Ok. That's all.

[herethennow]

Sometimes I don't like telling myself that I'm unwell. My pdoc loves to say that to me. Somehow I reserve this word for physical things only. I don't know.

I am a little bit better today, but I don't think this will last long as I'm already harbouring intense sui thoughts. *sigh*

[1948kate]

PTSD relapse big time last night. Crying and shaking since 4:30 this morning. Does it ever go away? I think I have it under control, then something as simple as a stuck door can put me over the edge. Took the dog for a walk at 6:00 that seemed to diminish the suicidal ideation. Thanks, Bear.

[bluedolphin92]

New school year is going pretty good so far. Still haven't really made any friends on campus aside from my roommates but I'm still confident that I'll get there in time. I'm glad I transferred. There's an arts festival thing going on downtown that I went to for a bit yesterday by myself, and am probably going to go to again today with one of my roommates and some of her friends. Should be pretty fun.

Skyped my parents on Friday during which time my dad said "You just don't smile that much anymore." I had actually been in a pretty good mood up until then but now I've been a bit down and just can't stop thinking about that. Thanks, dad -__-

[Bark]

Nighttime depression again. How can I handle my courses? Work? I haven't even finished unpacking; I found it difficult enough to pack. When I see so much stuff, I get anxious and freeze. Doesn't help that I hoard stuff too.

I haven't written the petition yet. I have so many things to do tomorrow. I'm half wondering if this new job is going to be too tough for me. Yeah, filing and entering stuff on a computer and handing out papers is tough. But it's not like shift-work. And my old boss knew about my problems. Can I do this?

I think I should sleep soon. I'm only going to feel worse. But so much clutter... so many things to unpack... and I really need a shower... but it's all too much.

[tigerlily84]

((Bark)) it's okay not to have it all figured out. One thing at a time.

I am having problems with eating. T agrees that it's not a full on disorder, but when I am depressed I don't eat and if I do it's very irregular. It's gotten to the point that I have to buy new clothes. I was pretty small to begin with, and now I have people telling me to eat and that I'm too skinny. Thanks for your opinion that I didn't ask for. Eh. I'm in a weird mood, sorry everyone. I'm just irritated I guess.

[don964964]

bad week very depressed an lost ,, today blank ,, lonely ,, tired of no one around .. for the past 36 plus years I have raised my kids , my step kids and my grandchildren...
not all 23 grandkids only 4 of them.... Tuesday marked one year my wife passed ,,
I don't know if my dog or me is more depressed and lonely hummmm