[herethennow]

Glad to hear you're doing okay Bark! Hope you're not forgetting your meds

Had a bad monday. Not really in the best place now. To be honest, on the way home I was in a crisis. I was so near to the hospital where my T and pdoc works at that time.. I felt like going there so as to keep myself safe. I didn't. I felt so determined for the negative things and unmotivated for the positive things..

Really frustrated with self because now I realise some small event that happens would set me off crying. I've been forcing myself to eat for the whole year now (even putting on weight) and now my appetite is just gone. And I don't want to bother for now. I really don't. What's the point of trying and trying when I just fail?

I'm making sui plans subconsciously and T appt is somewhere this week. Supposed to do my T assignment but I feel so unmotivated to do so. I don't feel like going even. I just want to give up

For the first time since I started my AD on 8/6, I was able to change my mood in the upper right corner to happy! Yesterday I worked very hard at preparing for a family BBQ, and it was so heartwarming to see the people who love me the most in the world. Plus, because of it all, my sleep was SO much better last night. And in spite of all the stress and physical acctivity, I'm not in a fibromyalgia flare today.

I have learned that while my depression may be biochemical, that's only part of it. Taking action and feeling I've done my best, plus keeping in touch with loved ones IN PERSON can help so much when I have depressive issues. It leads me to believe a lot of my depression is circumstantial, and there are some things I have to wait for right now.

No downs at all today. I skype with my T at 9:00 and have a board meeting at noon.

[tigersassy]

Feeling good. Even with crap last night. Finding motivation to follow homework. Yay!!!!!

[oliamble]

Doing ok, having a light headache but anything else I'm fine had a great lunch of Mexican tacos and ready to get back to work. Killed half a day at work ready. Yesterday I took my kid biking a couple of hours around town, today I don't know if I'll have energy for him again after school...we'll see.

[tigerlily84]

Today is my day off. I paid some bills, and I'm feeling pretty accomplished.

[lindammarie]

Got back home & checked in at the office. Back to normal.

My trip revealed some things about myself. I'm not sure what I'll do with the thoughts. When I get home this evening, I'm going to take a bath and try not to be negative with the thoughts that come.

I want to be of value in this world -- and I know all of us are. I just want to sort of have an idea of what difference I make...

[themonster7]

Driving home from school I just keep thinking about how easy it would be to swerve into a rail at 80mph and maybe die, but that could harm the people around me. Crazy how I go from that mindset to thinking I can conquer the world in less than a minute, then right back again. I have issues.

[gracez]

there were times today when the thought " i wish i didn't exist / could stay unconscious" wasn't in my mind at all.

i ate a meal today

[Rayvon]

Feeling very lost today and I can't sleep. I feel like I may be in a crisis soon but I am scared to go to the hospital because I am afraid of people I don't know.

[online user]

Do you have a doctor or therapist who are treating you? That would be a good place to start.

[Rayvon]

I do and I have an appt with my T later in the week. I am just unsure how to talk to her about it.

[online user]

Originally Posted by Rayvon

I do and I have an appt with my T later in the week. I am just unsure how to talk to her about it.

If you are worried you won't know how to bring it us (what's bothering you and causing you to feel this way), why don't you write it out ahead of time and give it to her to read to get you started?

[lindammarie]

I talked to my son last night. I am worried about him. He has "inherited" my mental illness... He is depressed and I am worried. I hate this illness.

[Grey Matter]

Down. I have no energy today and have so much to do and the thought of it alone is making it all worse.

[tigerlily84]

I had such a hard time going to sleep so I am exhausted today at work. I feel so out so it. Blah

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by lindammarie

I talked to my son last night. I am worried about him. He has "inherited" my mental illness... He is depressed and I am worried. I hate this illness.

And hugs to your son too.... Sending warm thoughts his way, and yours.

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by newgal2

I have learned that while my depression may be biochemical, that's only part of it. Taking action and feeling I've done my best, plus keeping in touch with loved ones IN PERSON can help so much when I have depressive issues. It leads me to believe a lot of my depression is circumstantial, and there are some things I have to wait for right now.

Hi newgal2....Happy to hear that there's some positive stuff going on for you...yay! And as for your thoughts on depression....oh yes it's complicated indeed. So many people, myself included, suffer from "double depression"....dysthymia (a kind of all-the-time low mood), but then also with episodes of more major depression on top of that....and maybe "situational" depression brought on by life events, etc. to boot. Oh yes it's majorly complicated! Hope your better times continue ~whimsy

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by Rayvon

Feeling very lost today and I can't sleep. I feel like I may be in a crisis soon but I am scared to go to the hospital because I am afraid of people I don't know.

Hi Rayvon....If you're in a place where you're feeling really bad (for any reason) there are always wonderful, caring people to talk to at the Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Some people don't realize this, but you do not necessarily have to be suicidal to call them....you could just be very lonely, or in distress, or as you say feeling "lost". Not only are there kind, trained people to talk to, but they are also able to guide you to resources in your area if that's what you want. (No pressure.) Just a thought Hope you feel better soon ~whimsy ps....Here's the link Lifeline

[htebsiL radnalaS]

I'm getting better after the hellish weekend I put myself thru. If i had it to do over I would have remembered that i was already under a lot of stress. So when my bf got reactive I would have just breathed. Starting to wonder if a pattern is forming that when I need his support the most, I can't count on him. Time will tell. I'm feeling stronger in my adult self. We'll see how he responds to my wanting us to do some relationship work. Reminds me of the movie with Merryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones. I'm prepared to respond as she did when he seemed uninterested in doing the work. All you can do is accept that and leave. I believe in working this out. And i believe relationships take work. Th one thing that I know is that it can't continue on this path. We need to get on to the road less traveled. And all I can do is work on myself and my actions/reactions, thoughts, feelings... and refilling my life with things that bring me peace and pleasure. Tonight I'm going back to my weekly hiking.

[whimsygirl]

My doctor prescribed Wellbutrin for me when I saw him recently. To be honest I've had so little luck with all the others that I'm not very enthusiastic about trying another, but oh well, I'll try and who knows Here's hoping. Don't know what the hecks been up with my moods lately....a little of this and a little of that. Only thing I know for sure is that I am more behind than ever on all the things I need to deal with, which continue to pile up, and basically my processor is just shut down. Forget "jammed" at this point....it's just plain old broken Severely frustrated and trying desperately to come up with any kind of solution, but with no spirit at all. Ugh. Anyway, wishing everyone else all the best, with hugs! ~whimsy