[herethennow]

met T and pdoc today. first time in ages i didnt walk out of the room after pdoc's session feeling angry.

but meh. just feeling weepy and meh. just gonna float through the rest of the week wondering why am i still continuing on..

been feeling okay

[Patagonia]

The ray of light got a bit brighter today

[tigersassy]

Doing ok. Mini meltdown but ok

[bluedolphin92]

Feeling the tiniest bit better today, I suppose. Though considering where I had been the past few days, that's not saying much.

[Blue_Bird]

Feeling up and down right now, confusing mix

[Nammu]

Feeling despondent about the state of our nation and the reactionary nature of the same.

My mood is upbeat but I have a sore throat so I am dealing with that.
Mmmmm hot tea is wonderful for a sore throat.

[Patagonia]

I thought things were looking up...then last night I had a major dissociative gap in time & a flood of flashbacks. It was so scary, so sad & so emotional. I couldn't get a hold of my T & it angered me bec I was finally reaching out for help & no one was there.
Seems like 2 steps forward; 5 steps back!

[herethennow]

i'm tired. i don't want to fight this battle anymore. why can't T and pdoc understand that i'm tired? whenever i say i am.. they just go "????? i don't understand."

heres an analogy then: imagine waking up to a war that's happening and you don't want to fight it. yet, you HAVE to. every single day for years. and you wonder whether this is even going to end.

[tokiwartooth]

I've been really sad for days now. My family keeps making these remarks that they wonder if he might be gay, and they're still commenting on how that one woman hangs all over him and he doesn't try to push her away, even after I've told them I don't want to talk about it. My aunt said there's something about him that seems off. If he is gay, that will devastate me. I will still love him no matter what, but that would be devastating. Now I can't stop thinking about it.

I feel so down today that I think I'm just going to hang out in bed for now. Don't know what to do with myself and have no motivation to try anything more than I've already done today. I'm so sad. Please make this end.

The only up thing today was that my husband came home for a while and we took the dogs for a walk. I'm so tired . . .

[1948kate]

Sinus headache. Gotta love allergy season. Other than that, good day

My allergies have given me this post nasal drip sore throat that wont stop hurting.
I hate being so medicated just to make the sinuses stop dripping....then I always end up overmedicated and feeling crappy....geeze I hate fall. I should live somewhere its mostly summer all year long.
BUT I am sure that place has huge bugs and other nasties I would loathe more than fall SO I should just stay here. Ho hum.

[ToeJam]

3rd day of new dose (citalopram 40mg) and it's been pretty good... mood has felt balanced and not overly tired. Was able to energetically cycle the 6 miles from college to home and still have energy for more. Very happy compared to yesterday when I was all over the place.

Decided to stagger the tablet to mid day during lunch.

[lindammarie]

Can't stay long. My life is so filled up with stuff I'm responsible for. And death is all around me. I can't think about it...

[SilverNeurotic]

I'm doing pretty good today. I suspect that come Monday I'll have a little trouble as that's the day my brother is moving to Georgia with his wife and daughter. For now though, I'm feeling good and motivated to do things around the house this weekend. Something I have not felt up to in awhile.

[bronzeowl]

I made my appointment today. I guess I was approved for state appointed insurance. I spoke to the doctor. I answered the questions. Some were harder than others. I couldn't believe that I actually stumbled and hesitated when he asked if I had any disordered eating habits. It kind of made me wonder. I was as honest as I could be. Talked mostly about my depression and social issues. I have an appointment to see a doctor next Thursday. I... don't know exactly what for. I was too afraid to ask. He said something about medication, though. So... I'm guessing that? Then, an appointment to see him again on the 31st. Which is a long way away. But it gives me time to get my thoughts together.

I liked him alright. After I told him I had trouble with contact, he made sure to ask if a handshake was okay. I was hesitant, but accepted one. I'm sure he noticed my hesitance, though. I'm nervous, but this is a step in the right direction. At least, that's what I'm trying to tell myself. If I keep repeating it, maybe I'll believe it.

I feel miserable other than all that. I barely slept. I couldn't get to sleep last night. Tossed and turned all night. I think it was nerves. I've hardly eaten at all. That's another topic, though. (And part of the reason I hesitated answering his question, I suspect) I felt weak all day. Weak and nauseous. I've been cranky, and I feel horrible because of it. I'm, essentially, terrified.

Working a double..tired...kinda sick...need sleep.
Need my throat to stop hurting too.

[themonster7]

Going to Georgia tomorrow to spend my birthday with my twin brother. Hopefully there will be enough to do there to keep my mind busy.

[tigerlily84]

I had a bad day today. That's all it was. (Hopefully)

[don964964]

well I have a lot I want to say .. just wish I had some one to talk to .. so this may be a long babble....
it's been 56 weeks 2 days and 4 hours and a couple minutes since the love of my life passed away..... I been on her legacy site .. "it comes down on the 16th this month .. I wrote ... but I need to down load it .... I miss her so much ....

Well the summer rains have brought -a - almost second spring .. the hills are full of flowers , yellow , orange , some red ... very pretty , very uncommon for here..
getting cold now . winters acomin..

ok for weeks months a year ? I have had my termination date set.. well it is next Tuesday at around midnight so Wednesday early am . witch happens to be my birthday I was reborn to purgatory "I wont say how many years ago" so I have had every intent on that being my day to get reborn into purgatory again... dumb aye ?

I have always kept my word , it is honor it is integrity its is how I have always lived.
So do I break that ? to myself ? In ways I feel I cant .. but my girls ,,,, my son ,, whom I have never met yet just talked to a few times .

so what do I do ? I am so sick of grief .I am so sick of being depressed . I am so sick of living like this ..!!!! the pain ,, my body is shot ,, my brain is shot LOL ..

well we see .. I want to but what it would do to my girls .. they don't know how I feel so lost so lonely so scared so hurt .. my lovers dog is getting to where he can hardly walk some times ,,, he stares down the road waiting for her , them to come home .... and so do I..

ok BARK : so many happy happy memories of life n the kids
oh and the glory of a second blooming of flowers befor winter
so wonderful

[bluedolphin92]

I recently pledged Alpha Phi Omega, which is a service fraternity on campus. Been doing some volunteer work for that since I need some hours in order to become a full fledged member. Everyone seems really friendly, though I can't really say I've made any "friends" yet. I have high hopes, though. In other news, I had an abnormal psychology test today that I didn't study for at all, but still feel like I did well on

Overall I'd say my mood had another slight improvement over what it had been. Still pretty low, though.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by bronzeowl

I made my appointment today. I guess I was approved for state appointed insurance. I spoke to the doctor. I answered the questions. Some were harder than others. I couldn't believe that I actually stumbled and hesitated when he asked if I had any disordered eating habits. It kind of made me wonder. I was as honest as I could be. Talked mostly about my depression and social issues. I have an appointment to see a doctor next Thursday. I... don't know exactly what for. I was too afraid to ask. He said something about medication, though. So... I'm guessing that? Then, an appointment to see him again on the 31st. Which is a long way away. But it gives me time to get my thoughts together.

I liked him alright. After I told him I had trouble with contact, he made sure to ask if a handshake was okay. I was hesitant, but accepted one. I'm sure he noticed my hesitance, though. I'm nervous, but this is a step in the right direction. At least, that's what I'm trying to tell myself. If I keep repeating it, maybe I'll believe it.

I feel miserable other than all that. I barely slept. I couldn't get to sleep last night. Tossed and turned all night. I think it was nerves. I've hardly eaten at all. That's another topic, though. (And part of the reason I hesitated answering his question, I suspect) I felt weak all day. Weak and nauseous. I've been cranky, and I feel horrible because of it. I'm, essentially, terrified.

Thanks for this, I like hearing about docs that have a clue and know how to comport themselves, it gives me hope that I might one day stumble across one. Congratulations on finding a place and a doc. I think it is a good step.

[bronzeowl]

Thank you, Sidestepper. I hope that you stumble across one, too.

He actually asked if I wanted to wait until another one was available. But I felt comfortable with him, and that's hard for me to achieve, so I didn't want to chance trying someone else. So, for now at least, I'll be seeing him.

I'm trying to believe it is a good step. Deep down, I think I know it is. But that darn depression... sometimes it can convince you that everything is bleak.