[sewerrats]

A depressive like me ,loses half the life to the illness because your life has it is stops dead in depression and only restarts in remission, so although in 65 I act 35 or even less . I remember nothing of those times in depression but my wife fills me in and sometimes its was pretty hairy and frightening to my family and I wouldn't have liked to be round me in them times. IM pretty sure there will be more to come but hey whatever its weird my hair has no grey, and my cloths are jeans, brown beat up biker jacket, black tee shirts , and canvas sneakers, like Bruce Springsteen 30 year ago. I like all music a still go to see bands at smaller venues .Im like a missing link in a chain , anyone the same does your life stop in the bad depressions and restart in remission.

[Morgansangel]

If it does then I'm apprehensive about it as I'll end up mentally about 12/13 but physically whatever age I'll be

i've lost over 13 years- not only from depression, but my other problems too

it's upsetting because it's not what you want- it's just how it happens

[too SHy]

I have almost the same thing! I was thrown under the bus when I was 8 yrs old, my dad committed suicide and my mother decended into even worse mental illness. I feel as if all those years never happened, like I had depersonalation. I really don't know where I am age wise or how to act or dress. I take cues from other people, but I'll never quite get it and I am 50 yrs old. Good Luck

[Sadley]

Well I am 23 years old, but I feel so old. I feel like all 23 years have been wasted so far. I don't want to remember the past, I want it to go away. Maybe I should get ECT just to erase my memory. Not looking forward to the rest of my life.

[sewerrats]

Originally Posted by Sadley

Well I am 23 years old, but I feel so old. I feel like all 23 years have been wasted so far. I don't want to remember the past, I want it to go away. Maybe I should get ECT just to erase my memory. Not looking forward to the rest of my life.

I don't want to remember my past because from what I hear it was a total f***up . my brain remembers most of the bad stuff . It just seemed to detach itself from me in embarrassment, like it said I will come back when your depression has a break ,mean while I will leave you a couple of brain cells to tick over on . I remember hospital and I am always reminded every six months on my check up. I hate going but if I quit then i get struck off the hospital list , and if I get really ill have to start the hole process from the start.

Originally Posted by Sadley

Well I am 23 years old, but I feel so old. I feel like all 23 years have been wasted so far. I don't want to remember the past, I want it to go away. Maybe I should get ECT just to erase my memory. Not looking forward to the rest of my life.

i know what you mean. i myself feel like i'm about 90, and i am only 25- it's just how life has been for me... so much of it wasted and it's unfair

i know that you are in charge of your own life, but sometimes i really wish someone could come up to me and at least give me a reason to go on.. help me see what it is i want

[Marla500]

and when you're better there's all kinds of things to catch up on. I feel like a loser because the house is never clean and the yard's overgrown (not that I get a lot of help with these things) and most months I am late on the bills.

[Maere]

This effect is there for me as well, even with seemingly milder level of depression than described by others. After 2 years from diagnosis with outpatient therapy and medication, I'm trying to decide to move on from this. When I focus on things I let go of- activities, people, hopes, dreams, it still seems overwhelming, impossible to re-engage as I used to do. The desire is there, but the confidence and energy is not. It seems like another lifetime. I feel at a loss to recapture the momentum of my life; to steer where I want to go, to reclaim my abilities and strengths. I hope this is a temporary stage.

[Nobodyandnothing]

I grieve for all I have missed. My education, my kids being born and growing up, summers, holidays, graduations. All gone. All due to depression, ECT and meds. My kids are always asking "do you remember when..." and it nearly kills me to say I don't. It makes them feel terrible too. What troubles me the most is the fear that I may pass this beast on to one or more of them. I was 23 when this started. I am 57 now and I continue to have severe memory and concentration problems. We have to play with the cards we are dealt.

[sewerrats]

I find in depression I listen to music I never think of before , once I lay on my back in a field all day listening to skylarks singing has they hovered in the sky. So somethings you discover in depression. I would not think of lying in a field al day in remission unless with RIHANNA

Originally Posted by Nobodyandnothing

I grieve for all I have missed. My education, my kids being born and growing up, summers, holidays, graduations. All gone. All due to depression, ECT and meds. My kids are always asking "do you remember when..." and it nearly kills me to say I don't. It makes them feel terrible too. What troubles me the most is the fear that I may pass this beast on to one or more of them. I was 23 when this started. I am 57 now and I continue to have severe memory and concentration problems. We have to play with the cards we are dealt.

you raise a very good point- and in my case, i don't feel i've had half of the experiences someone my age would have.. due to the mental illness mostly

for me, it's got to the stage where even if i'm not depressed and someone asks me what i want to do in my life, i really don't know... and i'm constantly playing with ideas- which leads to never settling anywhere long, going in and out of diffrent colledges, even having months of just not caring anymore.

as for the do you remember thing, i get that too- though for me, i do remember most of the time and it breaks my heart that hings can't be the way they were for 1 reason or another

[sewerrats]

IM 65 and its took me a life time to do what I do in life now, I don't do anything I don't want, I don't do holidays, i take no ****, i just cruise at my own pace . I realise you carnt do that if working or young , you just have to battle on , its not all bad, it up to you to do what suits your mood and everyone else can go F***