I NEED HELP!!!

Hi some of u might remeber me from the username i used to have (homedawg).But anyway thats besides the point.Things have been getting worse ever since my parents got out of jail for abusing me and i had to move back in with them.They havent hurt me so far but,they fight all the time and recently they separated.I think they're about to divorce.And i used to cut myself and ive had severe depression for over a year,and i tried to kill myself alot and hear voices inside my head.I had gotten better for awile,but,its starting back and its worse this time.I cant stop myself from thinking every minute of the day of how i can kill myself,i started cutting again,the voices inside my head arelouder and stronger practically everyday,i can't concentrate on anything,and i tried to kill myself the other day.I dont know who to talk to.My parents stopped taking me to my psychiatrist,and they dont care what goes on with me.I just dont know what to do anymore.I dont know know how to get ahold to anyone because my parents dont trust me to use the phone,so im not allowed to.I keep thinking that life isnt worth living anymore,but,im trying to hold on a little longer everyday,but,i dont know how much longer i can hold on.Everything was going great for awile then i had to move back with my parents and it all just got worse from there.Its even worse this time than last time.I just dont know what to do.Can anyone help me?please?

Hi girl,

I understand how painful your life is.
I don't know how old you are, but I guess you are young.
It is your parents that should take the responsibility for your painful life, while not you.
My suggestion from my own "death" experience to you is that you'd better leave away from the hell. You'd better live on yourself. It will help you to live with those people respecting each other and being fair to each other. Personal freedom is necessary too.

Please note another fact of mind, it will take you years to recover from the depression, then you can be a new person to live in a new world. Please be patient enough.

Nate

Depressedgirl,

I'm so sorry that it's been so difficult there. You need help. Please speak to your school counselor. Also, from school you could make calls to your psychiatrist, caseworker that helped take care of you while they were in jail, anyone you think will hear you. Also, while online search for the departments of the people who helped when they were in jail, and email them. Possibly you could email your psychiatrist as well?

If need be you could use the phone at school to call family services for help?

I'm just making suggestions so that possibly you will feel that there are a few options maybe.

I wish you more than well, and hope that you will reach out to someone close to you and keep reaching out.

We're always here as well.

KD

Thanks for ur advice.Do u really think they'll let me use the phone at school?Im on fall break right now,so if i use the phone at school i have to wait a whole week.I dont have a psychiatrist anymore because noone will take me to my appointments.Its just so hard to keep going on,when u just wanna die and get away from all the pain.Well i guess i better go.bye.

can you email? It looks like you have access to the interent. So maybe you can look up a social worker online and email her. Ask her to be an intermediary with your parents.

wat does intermediary mean?

intermediary is like a go-between or a mediator, basically someone who can communicate between both sides.

sorry i just meant the social worker could keep your best interest in mind and present you. That way. you have someone on your side. Thats the idea anyway.

depressedgirl - schools are required to help you can get the help you need there thats why they are there

It seems that you are having depression with psychotic features. I get that sometimes... however, i don't hallucinate. I get delusions that I will go mad and crazy or paranoid. I started to feel out of control. But... you need to remember that it is temporary and will pass. Believe me... it won't rain all the time and everyone feels pain in their heart. You are not alone.

It is obvious that you are desperate for help. Right now you may be feeling that you are repressed and are under duress because your parents are practically imprisoning you. The worst thing is... you don't have anyone to talk to. But you can always find chat rooms where you can get involved in socializing.

Perhaps you can try outletting or re-focusing yourself onto something more creative, ie. hobby or studying or exercising. I know that it is hard and perhaps impossible to do but force yourself.

When you become suicidal... start thinking of the positive you've done or seen in the past 6 months. List all of your accomplishments, successes and goals. Find a role model (even if s/he imaginary or dead person) - and think of all the good things that you can be. List of all the things you loved and missed. If you miss it enough... you'll do anything to get it again.

You can try an evaluate why are you suicidal and yet seeking help? other than the external factors (parents). Internally - are you seeking for attention from them? Or are you feeling apprehension from getting separated from your psychiatrist?

Someone said to me that facing the fear of death is the easy part. Facing the fear of life is what's hard. Don't quit. Don't ever quit!

Hi,I dont know if this will pass or not.Its been going on for so long,i dont think it ever will.maybe ur right about me seeking affection from my parents.

You need to believe that it will pass. Don't give in to the illness.

The great thing about mental illness is that it's not like any other physical illness. In physical illness - you have to depend on science to get better.

Mental illness takes a strong mind to get better. It takes a strong mind to deal with all the stressors, symptoms, and wanting to get better. It takes a strong mind to want to seek help or taking your medications.

You seek help - that tells me that you want to get better and you've come this far - so that tells me that you have a strong mind. You've also admitted that you want to attempt suicide because of attention - that tells me you have a really really strong mind. Admission is the first step in fixing every problem that there is something to fix.

Trying to get attention is normal, esp. in your situation. But it also means that you can control your urges.

If you attempt suicide - I can tell you from a personal experience that recovering from a failed one is far worse than the actual attempt. And I've attempted numerous times until I decided that it wasn't worthed anymore. Luckily, I came out physically okay each time. But think if you didn't or if you fall into a vegetative state. You'll be in worse off situation than you are now.

So... please hang in there. Talk to us. Read others' complaints and provide support. It'll help knowing that you're not alone in this. Think positive for others so you can think positive for yourself. Okay?

WOW! Your parents do not sound very much like parents, I hope you get plenty of support. I know how that feels being no longer taken to a shrink, sometimes hopeless. IN JAIL AND NOW YOU HAVE TO LIVE WITH THEM! Wow! do you have a counselor at school?, if things get crazy call the abuse hotline ASAP! I wanted to kill myself before. Try writing in a journal, I hear voices but I'm not depressed. God bless you!

Do email or call your shrink, if you cannot find their email I can help you, sometimes shrinks even have websites. There are some online advice and sites where you can have your symptoms checked by a professional within 2-3 weeks. This does not sound to great because if they do start you will need help. Even know your family may not be very nice to you I think you have a family of hopeful & supportive friends at PC!

Hi,everyone thanks for all the support and advice.I do have a school counsellor,but,im scared to talk to her.Most of the teachers are already scared of me beacause of all the crazy things i did at school last year before i got my bi-polar under control.I dont know if she'll talk to me now.

<font color="blue"> Of course she will talk with you! AND, I think that once the teachers know she is helping you, they will reach out to you more too. We all do things we think were crazy at some point in our lives (yes, read that both ways.)

Learning from our errors or our misgivings is an important part of growing up, another is being able to discuss (minimally at times) about our growth.

Please reach out. You see many ppl here at PC who didn't have anyone to talk with when they were your age. Maybe if they had, they wouldn't still be suffering. (((hugs)))

depressedgirl don't be scared i know easier said than done but talk to her she is suppose to help and be totally honest and just spit out what you need to don't go in a round about way either cause when you do that they may just call your parents so be as straight forward as you can and teachers are clueless....... so i wouldn't go to them although there is usually one in the bunch that may be able to help

Hi...I just read your post...You have gotten some very good advice from several people....Hope you have gone to a teacher or counselor and let them help you...and also hope you are feeling better today!!

"D" Girl - (sorry refused to call you depressed cuz that's what you have and not who you are)

There's a psychologist or social worker in every school. If you talk to a school counselor and s/he is not able to help you then s/he will refer you to a school psychologist or social worker.

I know it can be intimidating but... people didn't become a school counselor to intimidate students. They are genuinely care about their students and are willing to help.

Hi everyone,sorry i havent replied back in a few days,its just everything is getting worse and im kinda frieked out and messed up.I had to get picked up from school early yesterday cause i was too depressed to stay and i couldnt stop crying and my head was KILLING ME.I didnt even go to school today cause i was too depressed to go.Im just soooo messed up and i dont know what to do.

you need to get out of that situation youre in now i dont want to tell you to run away b/c that will bring a whole lot of probably worse problems but as others have said you need to find a social worker or police or school,antbody who can get you help because this can clearly not go on.i hope you find it soon and remember theres people here who love you and feel your pain you are not alone.

I know what you're talking about when u say that recovering from a failed attempt of suicide is worse than the attempt,
i tried to kill myself a few days ago and i kept thinking that if i had just tried a little harder,i would've succeeded.But,im trying not to keep attempting suicide or cutting myself but,its not working for me.I just dont understand how i got over all of this stuff last yearbut,as soon as they made me live with my parents again,everything started going wrong again.When I had to stay in Juvenile Hall when my parents were in jail and then when they let me live with my sister,they all made sure i was on my meds and everything,but,now that im back with my parents again,its very seldom that they even think about me,so i cant get my meds anymore cause they keep "forgetting" to buy them.I just dont get it how they could "forget" to buy something that
basically keeps me alive everyday (or at least feeling alive)
but,they can go out to the bars and everything.