All my fault

Drat.

Well, tomorrow will bring better things.

What do you mean 'made fun of'? Who made fun of you? Do you need me to come up there and kick some butt? Lemme know :|

Its okay LMo.

My friends do it to me basically every day.

Most days I can deal with it - but lately my esteem and general being able to not get emotional has gone out the window...

Oh well. My fault.

wait - your FRIENDS make fun of you? Are you serious? Do they think they're being good-natured, or are they being really mean?

My offer still stands...

They do make fun of me.

Everyone does.

Its very easy to do. I do it myself sometimes.

(No, I am not a comedian).

Sometimes its goodnatured, sometimes its mean and sometimes you really can't tell.

But when I'm like this - it doesn't matter if its good-natured or not.

AH CRAP.

I've got an example of pure stupidity on my part.

I missed work.

I thought I was supposed to go in on Wednesday.

Nope.

It was supposed to be tonight.

Crap. I wanted to quit. But now they'll fire me.

This really is all my fault. I forgot. I was stupid. My exam studying made me forget. And now I'm stressed, depressed, pissed off and just generally feeling really crummy.

It is not my day/week/life.

*grumbles*

Oh dear Rhapsody,

Almost forgot to respond to your nice response.

If I'm only part of the reason that bad stuff seems to happen, I'm scared to guess who the other party might be. Everyone else seems so much nicer and better than me and couldn't do anything bad.

Sorry - I talk in circles.

Thanks ((((((Rhapsody))))))

Ps. LMo, don't worry about coming up here. I can deal with my friends - I just need to learn to take a joke better.

As for telling them it bothers me (which would be the suggestion I'd give) ... I can't. They'd exploit it.

Thanks for your nice words LMo.

Canders, the "learning to take a joke better" implies you have a problem. You don't! Not everything is equally funny to each of us and you not "liking" certain jokes (or any) is not your problem! You can state (with authority), "I didn't like that." and there's nothing anyone else can say to argue with it or take advantage of it because it's coming from you and how you feel is 100% yours. Don't do "bother" -- be more serious/"stronger" than that with "don't like" with a look on your face to match so there's no mistake that you don't like it and won't put up with it. You don't have to explain either, it's how you feel, period, end of statement!

((((((((((Perna)))))))))

Thanks for your response - and sorry I took so long to get back to you!

Awesome awesome comment - thanks!

And some finally good news before I stop updating this thread every single day (it seems like it!) ...

I'm now unemployed.

Still not sure how I feel as of yet though.

Resigned from my job, and I've got more time on my hands. But my mother hopefully won't find out about said "quitting of job" or else I will be in much trouble. Oh wells.

And in other news ...

On top of the counsellor I'm seeing infrequently (every 3-5 weeks) I may have another person as well who's going to help me. He's nice. I've been able to be honest with him two weeks in a row now and show true emotions, and for me that is an extreme oddity. So that makes me happy. He actually asked me how I was and asked me if I thought I was just stressed, or if it was SAD or if it was depression. Asked all sorts of questions and didn't pretend to know everything. There's something to be said about the new therapists, I've found that they're pretty darn good. So yes, I told him I was depressed. He's going to listen to me and help. Its a good deal.

I still feel really lousy. As in I was crying this morning, not getting enough sleep, not eating enough and my cognitive distortions have gotten much louder and won't shut up. Oh, and I'm voicing them to people. Without meaning to - oopsies! I'm pushing them away because I don't feel they should put up with me ... I just don't know what other people see in me.

I'm not important. I never will be. I'm too broken to be fixed. And perhaps its better for me to be in isolated misery than trying to get along with people and get better.

Just my opinion mind you.

I think everyone has good in them.... and a dark side or "shadow"..... It isn't all your fault

(((((((((Fuzzy))))))))))

Thank you dear friend. *hug*