[sunsetsunrise]

been grieving all day. Depression and grieving. Not the ideal combination. I just want him back. But that cannot happen. I cannot accept that he has died. He was the best. And he died. My heart has a hard time with it all

[seeminglyreal]

It's so stupid how I expect things to get better once I achieve something. "Oh, I'll feel better when I lose weight/get in college/learn to drive/whatever". Well, I did achieve most of these things and I still hate myself, maybe even more than I did before. I should just accept that this **** will never end and learn how to live with it.

Barely got any sleep last night. I can already sense how terrible this day is going to be.

[StarStrike]

I didn't get any sleep last night. I was trapped in my own thoughts. And they didn't feel like they were mine anymore. They wanted me to end it. But I'm still here in protest. My life is hell... But taking the easy way out is selfish... I can't leave behind my grandad who has cancer. Or my grandma who has carers coming to visit her. I can't leave behind my boyfriend who I've only just managed to convince that he is loveable. I can't leave behind my rabbit breeder friend. Not after all she did to help me get through college.

I went to the dentist for a check up today. Apparently now that my wisdom teeth have come through, everything is perfect and I have nice clean teeth. My teeth are the only part of my body I take good care of and that's because I don't like dentists. I still have to have my dad in the room with me when I go because I feel so uncomfortable in that chair. It's invasion of my personal space on the extreme level. I've also been given a medical form to fill out for the dentist because of moving and all. So they want to update my file. But that's not hard to do.

I also feel like crying. But I can't cry. It's really bugging me.

[herethennow]

reaching burnout. sometimes i feel like letting go of all my responsibilities and just sui. sigh.

i am feeling pretty average today.

yay... better than feeling lowest of the low

[Viuam]

Parents woke me up today. Made me have a pancake. It tasted alright, but I wasn't really hungry and don't know if I will be for the rest of the day.

Protests and police repression in Venezuela during the whole week, including yesterday, so valentines day wasn't much of a holiday for anyone. It sounds sick, but that actually made me feel relieved.

A few people have died and there are tons of people behind bars for protesting. The media here is being censored, but you can get the real story on the web and international news outlets. People here are sick of the terrible economic policies of the government, the dangerous security situation we face nationwide, institutional corruption, and extensive food shortages. I don't know what will happen today, but I'm so angry that college kids, babies in my eyes, have died, and there are still people in this country who blindly spout the government rhetoric. They sound like a looped tape, no thinking involved, just government propaganda. I don't even think they understand what they're saying.

Yesterday on cnn en espanol, I was watching a show called conclusiones. They were interviewing the diplomatic chancellor (Secretary of State? I don't know what you would call it in English) of Venezuela, and while he absolutely denied that police repression was going on during he protests, they had some gruesome tapes and photos looping on the split screen. His answer to that was that he did not know the origin of that media, and that he had no evidence that those scenes actually took place. It was disgusting to watch him lie like that. Rihanna and ****ing Jared Leto (check their twitter accounts) know that something is happening, but a high ranking Venezuelan official does not. Give me a break.

Anyway, this probably isn't the right forum for political topics, but it pisses me off so there it is :P going back to topic, today I'm going to start my 15mg of lexapro, and I'm going to keep reading the book I have been mentioning. I hope that today's protests are peaceful!

[newlifeyeah]

depression makes me not do anything, no energy, I am super cynical, nothing interests me. I am basically a piece of sh. I mean really. no friends. just at home all day every day. no energy to walk. when I try to I get worn out in 2 minutes. i play online poker, cause it keeps me busy, but I cant do anything else. total rubbish. I mean really why on earth is this happening to me? what is up?

Feeling really crappy today. I'm starting to abhor weekends. Feel useless and bored, with no motivation to change it. My depression is bad. And now my pdoc wants me to stop latuda if I need to stay on saphris for sleep! The whole purpose of the latuda, which I JUST started, was to help my bipolar depression. Saphris won't do that for me. I need to stay on the latuda and get the ***** out of this depression and take something else for sleep. At least that's what I think.

[Pikku Myy]

Taking up space

[Bark]

Mood-wise, doing okay. But I find it hard to stay focused on studying; I read slowly and still have to re-read because things don't sink in. Now I've spent over an hour looking up information online then looking at apps then reading reviews then....

It's funny, I started off looking up information about ADHD and reading because even if I don't have ADHD, the tips are helpful. I was about to put down my phone, too, but then I looked at apps....

[tigerlily84]

I am at work and our verification systems are down so we basically can't assist any customers. I just feel panicky and light headed. I feel like sprinting out of here an hiding.

[Sadman]

Hi...new guy here. Just feeling more depressed with time. At a very difficult place in my life now. I feel useless with no direction. Get mad and very frustrated easily these days...

[mulan]

In the morning I felt blank. Then I got irritated and my thoughts frozen and dry. I wish I had more time I want so much to procrastinate.

[mulan]

And yes, I will give it all for a energy refilling(???). My head is just saying me, that's enough, I'm done, please stop. And I have so much to do.

[Hellion]

Fairly alright, eating some lentil soup that I added a bunch of spices to. Such as garlic, ginger, fennel seed and cayenne pepper. It should help with my cold induced stuffy nose and hopefully loosen up the gross mucus stuff I haven't been able to cough up.

[nakitakunai]

At this rate it's looking like I'll never be able to break my binge eating habit, which contributes even more to my depression because I have tried so many times to get this weight off and I only end up right back where I started every time, and my self esteem gets lower and lower every single time I fail. I'm so sick of being fat, ugly, and severely depressed... and I just want to hide from the world forever because of it.

Dropped my ice cream cone today ): I was on the phone with my mom and boom. Well. There goes my sugar high. Feeling particularly empty today after a day of not doing anything except sit in front of my computer. People are loud and partying and I am sitting and munching. Erughaglkajdlka. someone needs to come play video games with meeeeee.

[healingme4me]

((((nikitakunai))))

____________

Wish I could get my hair to do this, everytime i put it up like this. Good hair day, even if I had zero minutes to brush it

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

[tigerlily84]

Well. Yesterday was a bit of an adventure. (I use the word "adventure" sarcastically.)

While I was at work yesterday, I started feeling very strange: nausea, vertigo, numbness and a "tingly" feeling in my face and arms, rapid breathing and heart rate increase. I thought I was having a panic attack, but they have never been like that before. It was bad. I went home and called my doctor's after hours nurse line. They told me to go to the emergency room, so I did. Turns out that the increase of lexapro this week was a bad idea. All of those symptoms were a result of the lexapro. They gave me benadryl to combat the muscle spasms it gave me and zofran for the nausea, but they gave it to me via IV. wow.... it really kicked in fast. I was very drugged out. I think I called the nurse cute, lol. Anyway, that was my day yesterday. Crazy.

[Viuam]

Was rudely woken up this morning by my mom. I did not want to wake up at all. The minute my eyes opened all the anger from yesterday came rushing back. I just wanted to be left alone. Dad yelled at me this morning for "doing nothing". Said that I had a year left to be in the house and then I had to be gone. I am about to explode, I cant take the pressure from everyone. I cant do things, thats just the way it is. The roof of my apartment building is looking very good right now.

[IcryWhoAmI]

Doctors tomorrow morning. I'm so scared. I get nauseous just thinking about it.

[StarStrike]

I woke up this morning feeling really numb. I could hardly tell that I was alive. I SI'd in the shower just to see that I'm still living. I definitely am. After lunch I took the dog out because she was bouncing off the walls (not literally - she was just hyper). A simple walk turned into a two and a half hour walk. We ended up seeing some breathtaking sights and for a little while I forgot everything bad in my life. I even smiled. But then on my way back home, I was snapped back into reality. Now I'm just tired and full of self hate.

[Hellion]

I feel somewhat stimulated...not sure if its anxiety of some sort, or the celexa I started it can't be the couple sips of coffee I drank as I am exactly 'that' sensitive to caffeine. Come to think of it though I don't really feel any emotions either good or bad at the moment.

[mulan]

Well, here I am sitting in front of the computer, doing nothing when I have so much to do. Probably at this time I would be in a rush and freaking out...now it's just, let it be. I can't focus for many long and there is so much to memorize, I'm not even worried about failing this study object or even failing the year. The thing that probably will anoy me the most, if I can't do it well is thinking that other people will talk about me in the back...because to little worry about me to ask if I'm doing good.
I just miss one exam, not a big deal, but if I coulnd't make this one they certenly will start to notice that something is not wright. That brings a lot of new scenarios, don't no what's the worst...
I realy never talk about what I would want to be in the future, I just am studying this I don't no very well why, it just seems like I ended up here. I look at my degree: a professional life of unstop study, unstop deal with people. I just get tired while playing stupid games in which I don't have to think. How I am suppose to survive to a professional career. My sister wants to be a psychiatrisc, in theory it looks like a good think to pick comparing with other careers. But it made me thought about many things...

[seeminglyreal]

Feeling rather good! I was feeling very rubbish last night and this morning because my boss asked me if I could work today. I didn't want to but I suck at saying no to people, so... Worked turned out okay and I found out that I don't feel so bad when my mind and body are busy. I have enough energy now, so I'm tidying up my room a bit.