can you describe your lowest low?

I'm at my lowest low, stuck in bed, mom yelled at me for not doing dishes but I'm afriad of what would happen handling sharp utensils. I'm depressed off my rocker.

my NP called me yesterday to see how I'm doing and out of programmed reflex I said I was "fine" when I wasn't really.(I can read her notes online)

can you all describe your severe depression for me(symptoms, how you feel, etc)?

highest gaf I've had this year was a 50.

Sure can...it fluctuates from anxiety to depression in rapid succession, and I have the feeling that there is no way out...it is as if I have all of these things to do, but I have one foot nailed to the floor...it's the cold, gray hand of death on my shoulder at all times. I'm not sleeping, not eating, not caring...my body's tired, but my mind won't quit. I hope that you can find some relief...

I think my lowest point was when my family and I were visiting friends. And even though I had been looking forward to the visit, I spent the entire weekend miserable. Between faking it all day and a complete inability to sleep all night because I was so depressed it was the worst time of my life. I spent the entire 6 hour car ride home in tears.

Mine feels like I can't move, like there is a weight on me. My mind feels dull and empty. I don't want to talk. I don't want to eat. I prefer to lay in bed and be left alone wishing I would disappear. And generally try to plan my death.

This

I feel almost sick from the emptiness in my gut, and dizzy from the emptyness in my head.
end up stuck in bed paralysed with it.

For me I ended up sleeping 21 hours a day and barely ate, didn't leave my room, didn't shower, for the few hours I was awake I was on my laptop but whenever it came to anything important that I had to do I couldn't do it. I couldn't cry, couldn't laugh. My feelings were so muted I felt like I had earplugs in or something and wished I was asleep because at least I wouldn't be thinking. Pretty much an empty husk. It wasn't really a fun time.

I feel I don't exist, and like me nothing is real. I can't focus in absolutly nothing on the outside world. Nothing is there. People start talking and I can't hear. I feel very tired and it is like my mind stopped, it almost stop thinking and I try to think and the same though come over and over, headaches starts and I just wish I could be sleeping even I feel like I am in a dream. Sometimes the meaning of everything in the world just vanish from my head, looking to my family and talking to them is he same as talking with a stranger I will never meet again. My body gets frozen and totaly distant from my mindand the only moves I can't make are the involuntary ones. Once I felt so bad that I wanted to drink a tea and I couldn't move the glass, I move it a litle and then I forgoten that I had it in my hands or in my mouth, I couldn't even swallow it. Just make involuntary moves. I think in what I have to do and it seems like a dream, it's like I forget that I have a body which can do that, but it almost never feel like doing nothing. I forget about the past and the future and I stay frozen in the moment gazing into the vacuum. And of course are that times when I just hate myself, regret been born, feel ashamed of who I am and what I have said to other people.

I'll try and describe it without being too graphic. It's the feeling that I don't belong here, I'm not welcome here, I can't stay alive here, if I don't end it all right away I'll be tortured for being the useless piece of junk that I am.

The pain and the pressure from the real people who are okay and who are alowed to keep living is intense. I need darkness. I need to stop breathing because I'm not allowed to use the oxygen. Oxygen is only for the ones who belong, who are welcome.

Hi, I'm still new to PC and I'm new to the depression forums.

I can identify with what everyone has said. Especially about being empty, feeling like I don't belong and having so much to do but not being able to begin.

It's almost like I feel as though I'm a robot... just moving from here to there without any real purpose of my own, empty. Like at work, I just want to go, do what I "have" to do and go back home where it's safe, so I can "turn off". I block out everything that's happening around me... nothing matters.

I isolate myself, I don't want to talk to anyone because I either have to lie about how I'm feeling or I have to talk about it. It's exhausting. And while people mean well, what they say will often irritate the f*** out of me or make me feel worse.

I don't take care of myself: don't shower, wear the same dirty clothes every day. I eat but not for nutrition, it's for comfort so I eat junk food. I lay in bed all day watching TV and when I have to go out somewhere, I playback the made up life I created as a child over and over again in my head while I avoid eye contact and conversation with people.

And once I'm depressed... once I'm in that dark place, I'm almost always afraid to leave. It's like I don't want to confront all that has been neglected... like it's too much work to put my life back together again.

lets just put it this way, when I am at my lowest low....I just want it to end now!, through any means. But yeah it comes with complete inability to really function, I don't eat enough, sleep enough...except when I sleep extra long from being exausted from not sleeping enough, showering is a chore I am even slower at doing things than usual. ect.

Lowest low? Waking up every day wanting to die, feeling entirely unmotivated and useless, until I couldn't take it anymore and went to hospital, and where the first few days were hell because all I could think about was finding sharp objects and whether I could fit through the windows.

Although it wasn't that bad... I still talked to people and got up and... maybe I'm exaggerating a bit... maybe I'll just stop now....

the lowest of the low??????

that would be a tie between my face & my personality.

no energy, no hope, no will to live, the kind of emotional pain that went beyond the charts into a sort of tuned out ache. also lots of depersonalization and derealization.