[sammi]

Why does it always have to feel like everyday is a battle? A fight to wake up in the morning and get myself out of bed. It gets harder and harder to keep on a mask of happiness on my face. Yet easier and easier to pull away from the ones who care the most about me.

I feel like everybody expects me to be better. That pills just work over night, and everythings better. Idk though its probably my fault for letting them think that. I haven't really been open with anybody lately.

Its just like today i couldn't pretend everything was ok. I was bitter, bluntly honest and rude. I'm never like that. Yet today it was like i couldn't shut myself up. I don't wanna hide this anymore. Its to hard to do. I'm tired of lying to friends when they ask how i am. I'm just...... tired.

I'm not as low as i was before but i'm not as high either. I don't want to shut people out. But it almost seems easier to. Its like facing them means facing myself.

[sammi]

Ok adding on. Its hard for me to open up about my depression. But sometimes i just wanna scream at people i'm not all the way better yet and i'm sorry you just have to accept that. This is me, its who i am. I'm trying i really am. And the other thing is i don't really know what to say to them either. Oh sorry my depression is acting up again just seems a little off. I don't know anymore, i just don't. You know what i just wish some how i could make them understand. That its not them. Its not them at all.

[phillygirl]

((((((((( Sammi))))))))))))) I don't think it's going to help you to know I know just exactly how you feel. Those are the days when I just really want to climb back in bed. And for all these years, I have done that.

Do you have something you can do to distract yourself a bit? I think it's great you have told people you have depression issues in the first place. It's not easy to do that but you did What happens if you tell your friends how you are when they ask? It sounds like you have people who care about you, that counts for a lot. Feel better!

listen, sammi... you dont have to explain yourself to anyone in this world, ok. you have to deal with whatever you are feeling, depression or not. and if people give you a hard time over it, well thats their problem. you most certainly dont have to prove anything to anyone or to explain yourself.

concentrate on yourself, dont hide how you feel. just be true to yourself, whatever mood you may be in that day. be true to yourself and you will find things a little easier. dont ever try to be someone you think you should be, or that others want you to be because it is this that will be the life long battle that, trust me, you will not win. if people genuinely care for you they wont mind you being abit different for a while, they will know and understand that you have depression, and they will understand the moods that come with it. if they fail to see and understand it, they are to blame...not you.

keep fighting the depression, you will win over it, i assure you. just keep going. we are all here ready for you to open up to anytime you need to ok, expressing yourself is always the best key to unlocking the door that is holding you back. i promise things will get easier soon

simon

[FaithisAlive]

Sammi, write them a letter... a real heartfelt letter.. and if you choose to give it to them then fine and if not.. that's okay too.

This way you can at least get it out of your head and heart and you can be free of the thought of their expectations.

The people who love you will thank you for being honest with them and they will do what they can to help you with this.The medication isn't working... maybe you need to try something else...

it is exhausting to have to walk through life day after day being something other than authentic. its okay that you are not better yet.... it takes time to find your way out of the dark...

Hang in there sweetie...let go.. cry... talk.... whatever you need... we are here...

Love, Faith

[Boopers]

Hi Sammi,

I'm sorry you are so depressed. I've been there many times. You'd rather be alone and not even have to talk to anyone. You want to just close the curtains and lock the door and ignore the world. God, I've been there more times than I can count and I have done these things and more.
I wish there was a magical saying that would help you feel better, but there isn't. Just know that there are alof of us who know where you're coming from and understand.
If you feel you can't talk to your friends or family, just come on here and talk to us. I'll listen.
Linda