[survival101]

How do you go on when everything you are, I mean the person you have become is not enough. You know, I always said that if I die now and there is some survey or even if someone just asks me what my thoughts are about life , this "gift" everyone is referring too? I would not hesitate to answer " I expected more". I mean the whole setup is just crazy. look at what is happening to people. for me all the bubbles are bursting. All the things you once thought as real is all a hoax.People don't care, nobody does. An I find myself thinking about getting out. I mean those people in burning buildings jump because they'd rather fall to their deaths than burn to death. I would never try to commit suicide again but I would really really love to get the hell out of here, I don't even care what comes next or not. I cannot do this anymore, the wonder the worry the why? i'm everything I shouldn't be. Life does not make sense, everyone else is just missing it for some reason. i'm not enough, and I think if i could meet myself now, i wouldn't like me. i also firmly believe everybody in my life will be better off without me. I hate life, i think it's cruel and unfair and i don't want anything to do with it anymore. I can't see any reason for staying, so I'm pretty sure Karma or Fate or God will make sure I will be suffering through this for a very long time. I must be worst than i thought I was to deserve all this.I mean i must be some sort of bad evil. i really really just want to go now, seriously, enough already. I feel so lonely, it's like screaming for help through a ten foot glass panel. scream all you want, they can't hear you, and even if they could. they wouldn't help. they have their own lives. the whole true love, happily ever after and best friends things are myths born of songs and movies. everyone wants it, but its just a man mad story, nothing about it is real. with all my heart i actually really hope nobody understands a word i just said, it would break my heart to think someone else out there feels the same. i would wish this on no-one. you guys are all i have, thanks for reading

[pegasus]

Hello survival101, is there anything in your life that you can change now that would make it better? I'm saying this because sometimes in the depths of despair we can come up with an answer to that suffering. Just a little something that could spark a change towards feeling better.

[survival101]

I know what you mean, i would put my hand on open electric circuitry to spark something, anything to change. I am so bored with everything in life. i just want to know i'm making a change, a difference in anyone's life. and i wish i can be less sensitive - i don't want to feel anymore. i mean i can't even kill a spider or other insect, i'm too pathetic, i feel bad for taking their lives, i need to find a way to get harder, so feel less. i mean i see a dead kitten by the side of the road and I cry. who does that? that's not normal and no way to survive life. how can i get less sensitive? how can i feel less? because if it overloads i just feel nothing, which is better but also not good cause i make bad decisions then. i just don't get how we ended up here? what is the meaning of all this? or are we just in a simms game? no reason, just next crisis.
i appreciate your response, change is good, i'm working on that

[allme]

Originally Posted by survival101

I know what you mean, i would put my hand on open electric circuitry to spark something, anything to change. I am so bored with everything in life. i just want to know i'm making a change, a difference in anyone's life. and i wish i can be less sensitive - i don't want to feel anymore. i mean i can't even kill a spider or other insect, i'm too pathetic, i feel bad for taking their lives, i need to find a way to get harder, so feel less. i mean i see a dead kitten by the side of the road and I cry. who does that? that's not normal and no way to survive life. how can i get less sensitive? how can i feel less? because if it overloads i just feel nothing, which is better but also not good cause i make bad decisions then. i just don't get how we ended up here? what is the meaning of all this? or are we just in a simms game? no reason, just next crisis.
i appreciate your response, change is good, i'm working on that

I relate sooo much to what you wrote here I came to the conclusion I was expecting too much out of life. I don't believe there's an actual meaning to life (sorry!) other than to survive. I believe we were a magnificent accident.

I also feel too much....waaaay too much~! Sometimes taking a step back and gaining perspective on the situation helps.

Are you in therapy? If not, maybe it would be a good idea for you. Having someone to share your thoughts with and bounce off of really helps

[allme]

Sorry when I said about expecting too much from life, I wasn't at all saying that was your case also! That was just my personal experience! When I came to expect less, I worried less. To appreciate what you have rather than wishing you had more or different really helps...or it did me anyway. There is nothing wrong in wanting more, but to also look at what you do have, I think helps. Hope I am making sense!

[survival101]

You are making sense, thanks, it helps to have some confirmation that i'm not a total lunatic thinking up crazy stuff. I've always felt I expect too much of life, which is why i'm always disappointed - things never turn out the way they're supposed to. There is no happily ever after and there is no true friend and anything else that you may find in books or movies or ads. or maybe, just maybe those things are just not meant for me but exists for other/better people who deserve it. I might be just on of the unknown extras in this move called life.

[allme]

Originally Posted by survival101

You are making sense, thanks, it helps to have some confirmation that i'm not a total lunatic thinking up crazy stuff. I've always felt I expect too much of life, which is why i'm always disappointed - things never turn out the way they're supposed to. There is no happily ever after and there is no true friend and anything else that you may find in books or movies or ads. or maybe, just maybe those things are just not meant for me but exists for other/better people who deserve it. I might be just on of the unknown extras in this move called life.

I don't believe you don't have those things because you don't deserve them. I think you'll find we're all searching for, basically, the same things and generally feel the disappointment you feel. Life is tough, there is no getting around that. Try and see it's not just you Trust me, we're all searching for that happily ever after!

When you look at people around you, they may seem to have it all worked out but believe me, they don't!

Sending you hugs

Originally Posted by survival101

How do you go on when everything you are, I mean the person you have become is not enough. You know, I always said that if I die now and there is some survey or even if someone just asks me what my thoughts are about life , this "gift" everyone is referring too? I would not hesitate to answer " I expected more". I mean the whole setup is just crazy. look at what is happening to people. for me all the bubbles are bursting. All the things you once thought as real is all a hoax.People don't care, nobody does. An I find myself thinking about getting out. I mean those people in burning buildings jump because they'd rather fall to their deaths than burn to death. I would never try to commit suicide again but I would really really love to get the hell out of here, I don't even care what comes next or not. I cannot do this anymore, the wonder the worry the why? i'm everything I shouldn't be. Life does not make sense, everyone else is just missing it for some reason. i'm not enough, and I think if i could meet myself now, i wouldn't like me. i also firmly believe everybody in my life will be better off without me. I hate life, i think it's cruel and unfair and i don't want anything to do with it anymore. I can't see any reason for staying, so I'm pretty sure Karma or Fate or God will make sure I will be suffering through this for a very long time. I must be worst than i thought I was to deserve all this.I mean i must be some sort of bad evil. i really really just want to go now, seriously, enough already. I feel so lonely, it's like screaming for help through a ten foot glass panel. scream all you want, they can't hear you, and even if they could. they wouldn't help. they have their own lives. the whole true love, happily ever after and best friends things are myths born of songs and movies. everyone wants it, but its just a man mad story, nothing about it is real. with all my heart i actually really hope nobody understands a word i just said, it would break my heart to think someone else out there feels the same. i would wish this on no-one. you guys are all i have, thanks for reading

This was EXACTLY me when I was at the bottom of the metaphorical well, silently screaming my head off.

It takes a huge amount of courage and patience to get through it.....But I vividly remember it...in fact, I want to remember it well.
Things WILL get better. Do whatever you can to get through each day....

Is there a therapist? Meds?

[Clara22]

You are not stupid, or crazy. To me, the world is full of numb people that do not want to think about the non-sense of life. They give themselves cars, they watch tv, they buy into the mundane objectives and goals somebody else has set up, who knows where and when, so things keep rolling. You are not a fool because you think it is not enough, there is depression and there is society pressure, but also there is the legitimate awareness about wtf is this all about. I think you are more alive than many people i know, i think at the end of the day it is better but for sure it hurts a lot

[Clara22]

This song is old in a newer version expressing something related to what i was talking about above, sorry my mistakes

[marmaduke]

survival101, I know exactly what you mean. People are so disappointing and vacuous .

i don't want to feel anymore. i mean i can't even kill a spider or other insect, i'm too pathetic, i feel bad for taking their lives, i need to find a way to get harder, so feel less. i mean i see a dead kitten by the side of the road and I cry. who does that? that's not normal and no way to survive life. how can i get less sensitive?

I feel the same, I feel waaayyy too much. Hypersensitive I suppose, too much empathy.
I've had to 'switch off' now I make a point of avoiding things that will upset me as far as I possibly can.
I also take a SSRI which I find numbing. I need that numbing though.