Was Everything I've Ever Done A Mistake?

Hi everyone, I'm feeling really down right now. I'm resentful of my situation, and everything that has led to it, I feel like I'm in a black pit of no return. As such, all m further interactions have become sloppy, and hollow, and I fear my negative attitude will only reap further sorrow, and not bring about positive change and solutions.

Believe it or not, my biggest regret by far is a girl, which I guess isn't really that big of a deal, but it's bothering me endlessly every day. I loved her with all my heart, and now I'm not quite sure how I feel about her, after a year has passed since I even saw her. I just feel this ongoing sense of pure emptiness, what I had loved with every fiber of my being was just a time based illusion, and I'm left with my crushing thoughts of whether what I know is even real anymore.

Worse is not the fact that I lost her and have to cope but the idea that I might have been able to have done things differently. If I didn't stand her up like a complete idiot this one time, when I was young and naive...maybe I could have done things differently while the feelings were fresh, before she moved on with her life and got a new boyfriend. It makes me think I passed up on the love opportunity of a lifetime.

The only reassuring thing is that this was fated to happen, I was fated to be naive.....I no longer believe in free will, because if I had the power to have known this would happen....I would change everything.

Not a single other aspect in my life is good either. I'm alone, and unemployed, with no sense of purpose- I picked the wrong college major, which I realized I was suckered into, instead of following either a passion or a practical path. I'm an artist, and I have no sense of how to profit from that. Some girls might love you for your money....but I'm just alone in every sense of the word- and because of that I struggle to open up my once warm heart. I fear the worst is yet to come if I don't snap out of this- but I feel worthless :/.

I'm swimming in a sea of regret right now, and this just keeps snowballing and is making everything in my life worse.

Hello Kabuto,
Some of the things that you have done were certainly mistakes, which is absolutely OK! Everything? No, not everything was a mistake.
It is often best to see the grey in between the painful black and the blinding white. Although a bit boring, that grey is a comfortable, safe place to be at times.
I trust that at least some better will yet come!

For one thing you are in the process of greiving. You have to give yourself permission to grieve. It is a process and you jump back and forth through various stages of grief finally getting to acceptance. There is no time limit on grief.

I was once in a six month relationship after I got divorced. I thought it was the real thing. I was madly in love. When she broke up with me I was devastated. It took me a year to get over it. I became obsessed with getting back with her. I realize now it was just a rebound relationship, a bandaid.

Also I realize now that when she broke up with me it brought up alot of abandoment issues from my past that I didn't even know I had. Thats why it took me so long to get over it. At some point during that year I realized that it really was not about her breaking up with me but that I had to really look at my baggage from the past.

The next relationship lasted two and a half years and when we broke up it only took six months to get over it. I had to grieve the loss and sense of rejection but it wasn't near as bad. Maybe the end of this relationship is a big trigger for you for past events.

I guess the fact that being with this girl was even possible if I wasn't such an idiot is enough to make me extremely depressed. And I feel like the peak good points of my life have ended. And as we know with depression, it only makes things worse.... It's so hard to want to be with anyone else, if I even had the opportunity- it would be, like the last poster said, a rebound. I truly appreciate everyone's support!

I know we have to appreciate ourselves in life, but I've run out of time....

Oh wow, the "what ifs" can drive a person crazy. If you can't get them out of your head, maybe you could try writing them down to purge them. Theraputic writing helps some people to stop obsessing.

But I think you are right. Certain things are fated. In fact, certain "mistakes" need to happen. It's only in retrospect that you can see them as the lessons that they were meant to be all along.

While you regret losing this girl... the next love interest will benefit! I highly doubt you will ever stand up a date again.... and maybe, next time, it will COUNT in your favor.

As for picking the wrong major in college, I can really relate. I have 2 degrees that I have yet to use. While you can't see how to profit off your art, it doesn't mean that the avenue isn't there. I have several friends that went into graphic design... making logos for different businesses, advertising, even made to order t-shirts. I guess, it depends on your medium though.

At this point with your depression, I think it would be important to explore and follow your bliss. My depression comes with a strong sense of apathey. I have always just wanted to be happy, but can't see what would make me happy. I try different things looking for a passion in life that just doesn't "do it" for me.... I will always want to want something.

If your art is what makes you happy, revel in it. When your heart and mind are a little clearer, I'm sure the money will follow.

I feel that so much I have done over the years for myself has been a lot of mistakes. I feel like I have been punished in life because I made some wrong choices. I felt like I was doing the right things such as getting a job, the area I live at, and the condo that I had purchased. Yet I felt like I was being punished for doing things like drugs, heavy drinking, and being abusive to women - to which I have not done those things.

Oh yes, many years ago I met a girl that I was in love with and she felt the same way about me. That was when I was in my teens. She had to leave the area after a few months we were going together. After that it was not the same and we went our separate ways. We got together and it was off-and-on. And then one time she proposed to me. I turned her down because I felt like I was too young. Plus I felt like she was not dependable. Some years later, I ended up regretting it. I tried to look her up but never found her.

And now I feel like I want to sell the condo that I live at and move out. The reason is that the people that I am surrounded by are not friendly. It seemed like lately the place had changed. For a number of years from when I first moved into my place, I met some nice people. But now it's changed. It seems like now the people are just coming and going. So that makes it hard to get to know people.

I hope this had answered your question.

It would seem I am not alone. It doesn't make the pain any more bearable. I miss this girl so much, and when I think about all the time I've spent since seeing her, it seems like my life has been worthless without her- empty, devoid, and unaccomplished.

It's pathetic to say but I love her and miss her so much that it's agonizing- she is the primary source of all my regrets. :/ The time factor makes things worse- she has probably moved on to all these great things in the last year while I've stagnated.

I feel like I've been divorced, and I'm only 23 ffs.

Why don't you reach out to her? She may see you.
If she does, she may have changed and not be that person any more....Or you may find that, in the past year, you have made more of her than she actually was.
Or something new will happen.

Or simply email a "hi how are you doing" kind of note and see if you get a response...if not, then let it go.

At least you will get some closure

She lives far away from me, so seeing her is hardly an option. Even on the off chance she did wish to see me, it would be hard to justify making a trip. But I would still see her anyway.

I may get a reply, though I'm not sure how encouraging it would be. To be honest, I'm very hesitant to open up the flood gates with her, though I'll do it eventually. If I weren't to end up in a relationship with her, or at least come close to it, it's probably best for me to filter her out of my life. But it's a hard realization to bear, and an even harder one to live through.

After all this time, I wonder if she's the reason I feel so empty in my life right now or if there's something else going on. She's definitely a huge part of it, but maybe, I've spent so much time focusing on her I'm not even sure where else to go?

EXACTLY! Let's say you get some closure from this.....then you will know the role she's playing/played/is NOT playing in your depression.......perhaps she is a reason you're sad, but not depressed....
I don't make myself understood very well, so I hope I'm doing so now.....

I just really feel that you have to put some stuff to bed before you can move forward.

Hugs.

I appreciate the support! It's so hard to remember someone from a year ago, and time is what might be the most painful thing- all I know with certainty is that I lost a little bundle of joy.

I'm going to talk to my therapist before messaging her, it's just- it's so hard to message her in a positive way without sounding negative- and it's also difficult to message her without sounding like I want her back.

Oh heck I'll write it for you....

(said in a completely non-serious, tongue in cheek manner)

But really, good for you for talking to your therapist first.....

And yes, you would have to write it in a casual "hey-just-wondering-how-you-are/what's going-on-with-your-life/I-was-thinking-about-you/what's-up/I-have-a-great-life-but-occasionally-think-of-you" kind of way.

Plus, don't forget that your memory may be holding on ONLY to the good parts....

Good luck and keep us updated.....