losing my mind

At least thats how it feels.

My husband calls me last night from work, our car is over heating, etc..He lets it cool down checks and there is plenty of fluid in the radiator. So starts car again and sure enough goes into the red after a few mins. This is after midnight. Its 17 degrees outside and he is freezing. So he calls his mother to come get him. He gets home. We decide it is probably nothing we will no more in the morning.

Well morning came. We had to wait for someone to become available to take my husband to see about our car. Gets to car and can't even start it because, everything is frozen solid. He works for a security company and the place is being nice and letting us leave the car there a few days. There is really nothing we can do about the car till the weather warms up enough for it to thaw so we can see what is wrong with it. Doesn't matter though, we have no money to fix what ever might be wrong with it. And now with no car, he can't get back and forth to work. ( thank god his finals are over so we don't have to worry about him getting back and forth to college.) I can't get to my T's appt. I need to buy groceries in the morning. We are literally out of food I fixed scrambled eggs for dinner, thank god for WIC. And guess what every member of his family is busy. Oh but, his 18 year old sister says she can take me in the morning but, I will have to be quick because, she doesn't do mornings.

Even when the car thaws out we can't afford to get it towed and even if we could get it towed we have no where to tow it to. As part of our lease agreement we are not allowed to have any non-running vehicles in our parking spot.

So in all likelihood he will lose his job. He is gonna start walking around to the business here close by and pick up applications. See if he can get something within walking distance. The soonest we would be able to afford to get the car running would be 27th / 28th of Dec. thats when we get the left over money from his student loan after paying for his next quarter. It will have to be used to either get us another car or try to get the one we have running if we can find someone to let us store it on their property ( if not we will just have to sell it to a junk yard.) The money that we are getting on the 27th / 28th was gonna be used to give our kids a christmas because, we can't afford one on what he makes normally from his current job ( its just enough to pay the bills barely.) That will make this the 3rd year in row that we have not been able to give our kids a christmas because, the past two years my husband has been recovering from surgery and treatment after a cancerous tumor was found in his left femur.

Please someone tell me its gonna get better because, from where I am sitting I can't see the sunlight from all the darkness.

i am gonna shut up for now sorry this post is so long.

i guess i'm just being a baby. as always, i will get over it and pretend everything is fine.

((((((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))))))))
Yes, sometimes it feels like the light at the end of the tunnel is a train!

You aren't being a baby, those things are stressful! I hope the two of you can continue to ask ppl for help and allowances through this tough time, rather than just take what comes. I also hope that the two of you will draw closer to each other, as love can win out over anything.

Oh, Honey, you aren't being a baby at all. You are enduring alot more than some people could handle and you seem to be handling pretty darn well.
I am just so sorry that things are so bad for you and your husband right now.
Do you guys have any food banks around where you live? They are a great resource for people who don't have enough money to buy groceries. Also, do you think you could contact a church or some organization and let them know of what you are facing and maybe they could help in some way, even maybe give your children presents for Christmas.
I do hope your life will be brighter and easier in the near future.
Take care and let us know what happens.
I care,
Linda

Well, sister inlaw came over and took me grocery shopping, we have a food card and it was charged up today so have plenty of food in the house.

The people where my husband works told him when he comes into work Thursday ( his mom is gonna let us use her car to get him to work that day ) that if he can push it into one of the heated garages and see if that will help it to thaw. Another friend of ours said if we could get into town he would let us put it in his garage and we could use space heaters to thaw the motor. Once it's thawed we will be able to see what the damage is and get an idea of what it will take to fix it.

Sister inlaw took me up to the welfare offices today and I filled out a BOOST application. If we qualify ( and we should ) they will provide the money needed to make the repairs on the car.

And tomorrow, I have my assesment (sp) appt. with the counseling center and will meet my T. While I am doing that hubby is gonna take his books from last quarter back up to the college and see if they will buy them back as well as register for next quarter. He is working hard at finishing up his degree which should be in March 08'. And then finally with time we can be out of the system and able to support our family completely.

Now if we can just keep finding rides for hubby back and forth to work and to our appt.s one of our twin daughters has an appt. next Tues. 12th for an barrium xray test on her esophagus, she has trouble with choking when she lays down flat on her back or even reclines she has to sleep sitting up right now which keeps us up most of the night to keep an eye on her so that she doesn't lay down flat and start choking.. As well as she is scheduled for a hearing test on the 13th between us, the school and her Dr. They are sure she has some sort of hearing impairment.

I won't lie, I am very nervous about tomorrow it will be the first time that I have been to a T. I fear that maybe, I am not ready to confront my past. But, I can't keep going at this rate. I don't even wanna get out of bed mosts days and don't even wanna do anything. Its getting harder and harder to make myself even cook meals. I stay so exhausted and I can't quit crying or going off angry. I have started having really odd dreams and even a few nightmares about my past.

Thank you all for being here and not telling me to shut up. I know that what I am dealing with going thru is not half of what some of you have had to deal with and pray every night for god to watch over all us, protect us and guide us as we struggle thru our days.

i believe in you