I think I'm losing my mind

My Dad died a little over a year ago of cancer. He had me late in life so I'm still pretty young. I took care of him in my home. I didn't react when it happened. Now I believe I'm losing my mind. I've even begun to question my belief in heaven. What now? I'm having nightmares, I want to scream to somebody its not fair. Sometimes I talk myself into believing he's not really dead, that he'll be back, even though he died right in front of me. I'm also bipolar, on meds, but I don't think its enough. What now? All this is just the tip of the iceburg.

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS )))))))

What YOU are feeling and going through is normal for any one that has lost a loved one..... I know for I lost my only daughter nine years ago (and) with that I can tell you that every ones grieving process is different..... but all in all once you start to grieve you should be able to resume a fairly normal life with six months to a year - if you cannot then you will need to seek professional help in getting over this difficult hump in your life.

BTW - it took my entire family four complete years to learn to fully live once more..... now we are enjoying again and happiness is ours.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

I've been blocking for so long now, my mind won't allow me too anymore. I can't even control my tears in front of my kids.

grief counseling helps also!

Then don't - it helped my kids to heal some more when they saw that mommy needed to cry as well.


LoVe,
Rhapsody - (((( hugs ))))

P.S.
Read my QUOTE at the bottom...... YOU need that too.

I agree.. never hide emotions good or bad. that also helps kids know parents are human.

I have always believed that everyone grieves. Maybe not as the person passes, or right after, or even at the funeral...but eventually. Whether it's been a long time or not, grieving is normal. I think that because it is near the anniversary of his death, that you are finally grieving... allow this. Tell your children that it's normal... and you are alright (no, you aren't losing your mind ) ((((hugs))))

Remember, even though it's been a while, you will still go through the stages of grieving...you might feel anger even at times. It's still ok.

I'm scared to let it out even a little, because I think I'll totally go crazy and die, or never be right again. I know this sounds dramatic, but these are the things that go through my mind that I can't seem to explain to my husband or anybody else. Does any of this make sense?

I felt just like that when I lost my granddaughter! my whole world was gone. It took a very long time to finally accept she was gone. I think what you are going thru is very normal. you are not losing your mind!

And yes, I'm extremly angry a lot of the time

I've never been a hatefull person, but I hate my "family" for being nowhere in sight while Dad was dying. They didn't even bother to help pay for his cremation, they didn't go to the wake, nothing. Thank goodness for my inlaws. I know I need professional help, I can't seem to bring myself to go, cause I don't want to cry in front of anybody. I'm afraid it will unleash a tidal wave that I just don't know if I can handle.

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sublime71137 said:
I'm scared to let it out even a little, because I think I'll totally go crazy and die, or never be right again. I know this sounds dramatic, but these are the things that go through my mind that I can't seem to explain to my husband or anybody else. Does any of this make sense?

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Oh boy does it ever make sense..... I have been there done that and I still do at times, like I said YOU are normal, but please know that keeping it all inside will destroy you for sure - letting it out, while painful for a short time, will release YOU from it grasp and hell.


LoVe,
Rhapsody - (((( hugs ))))

holding emotions in because they feel HUGE and like if you start feeling you will never stop.... to me is a trap. In my experience, it only feels so HUGE because you are holding it all in. Once you start sobbing it takes some of the pressure off and things can start to move and heal. Kids who see their parents stuff their emotions learn that stuffing emotions is the way to deal with them. Be your whole self with them is my 2 cents.

The stages of grief come and go in no predictable order. We have free grief counceling at our local hospital. best to you.

please do seek help. it will help you to talk to someone who is objective and will listen to you. then you can get some of it out.

and it's okay to cry and let your kids and husband see you grieve. holding it in will only cause you to feel worse later.

sometimes our families really do let us down.and our hurt can come out as anger. that's normal. try to let that go and work on taking care of yourself and your family. the others will either be there or not. you can't change them. that is a given. we can't change another, but we can change how we respond to their actions. good luck, xoxoxo pat

You sound quite normal to me It is all part and parcel of facing the truth.. people die, and people respond differently at different times. Don't overthink this... go with what you need to do. Don't worry about crying forever... but you might want to find a place to release where you can do so without questions or responsibilities. I know most ppl go the gravesite to do this, but even if you can't... any grave yard allows the same expression... but anyplace you can be alone... it doesn't last forever... but it IS a process.

I've been through it many, many times.... it changes a bit, but it's never easy.

Hello Sublime,

I'm so sorry you're goin through this. Have you talked to a therapist about this? You need someone that can help you go through this grieving process.

My very best to you,

January