need advice/insight please

last night was rough!

Yaya has her next appointment with her psychiatrist today at 1:00 and when I got home from work I found out that she and her dad had decided to cancel it. He said that after she left her therapist, she told him that she didn't like her psychiatrist and didn't want to go today so he let her cancel. I argued that he (the psychiatrist) was the only one who could adjust her meds so that she should keep her appointment while I found someone else who would take her insurance. I won't bore you with all the details but the end result was that Yaya ended up in tears in her dad's arms and wanted nothing to do with me. I tried to explain that I loved her and just wanted to do what was best for her, but to no avail...she just doesn't want to go back and I've been calling around all morning and the only doctor who will take her can't fit her in until April. She and my hubby really believe that they can keep her on the same levels of Lexapro and Zyprexa forever although she does admit that although she feels better than she did in January, she still feels really bad.

I really need
a) some advice from you guys and
b) some insight into what could be going through my daughter's mind right now so that I can figure out the best thing to do.

Thanks

Paige

...you are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars
you have a right to be here...

Paige,
This is a tough one. As a whole I really disliked most of the psychiatrists that I have ever seen so I can understand what she means. They typically are not like psychologists at all. They do not care how you feel or what is going on with you. Basically they do not even want to talk to you about your problems. They want to know how the medication is making you feel and if you are hearing voices. Some people are really taken aback by their attitudes. Apparentely your daughter is one of them.
You cannot force her to go someone she does not want to see. However, I can totally sense your feeling of helplessness in just wanting to help her and having to wait so long but you cannot make her see or understand. Most of the time it is just about feeling.
The best thing you can do is explain to your husband and daughter that the reality is she will not be on meds like that forever. She has to realize that so she continues to seek help and does not just think the meds will do.
I hope this helps.

Stay strong,
Jessica

can you talk to your husband and make sure you are on the same page, especially for future incidents, so you are not in conflict with one another (no good guy/bad guy... you both have your daughter's best interests in the end after all)?

Maybe the therapist can recommend another pdoc, one that might be more in tune with your daughter's needs?

Talk to husband and to Yaya... keeping current with the meds is going to be crucial and necessary while she is not feeling well. see if you can both convince her how important this is and maybe see the original doc again while still looking for a new one.

Make sure both of them know that med adjustments are a part of dealing with this. Sometimes people can go on perfectly fine for years on the same meds and then suddenly the body becomes "immune" to one of them. It no longer helps and the dose must be changed or a new med prescribed. Since she is not feeling well now I would think that is a very important consideration to look into. Or it could just be a change in circumstances that requires a change. The therapist might be able to help with advice on that.

You daughter is probably scared and maybe doesn't want to deal with this. She found some comfort with her dad, but if this is a trend and helps her avoid treatment it won't help her. I doubt that she's really angry with you as much as seeking solace in the comfort of dad who is right now letting her sit back and do nothing.

It shouldn't have to be an "and/or" situation, there should be a way of getting her back to the doc while still providing the comfort she needs... accompany her to the doc if that's ok with her, talk to her about it, work on finding a new doc in the meantime, etc. It is not that you don't care it is just that the "easy" solutions aren't really solutions.

Good luck.


-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

Dexter
Thanks for the insight and words of wisdom. I will try to make sure that her dad and I present a united front in the future. He and I spoke at length a few hours ago and we're going to try to make sure we don't add to her anxiety by arguing and that the best way to avoid that is by talking to each other first before making a decision. He adores his daughter too and says that he just can't stand to see her suffer and caves when she starts crying. He also get just a widdle bit defensive when i ask him to talk to me first because he thinks I am saying that he doesn't know what he's doing ... I guess I feel that we really DON'T know what we are doing (hence my relief in finding this forum) We are both learning about this as we go along and all we can hope to do is to be good students and not screw up too badly.

...you are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars
you have a right to be here...

Jessica
Your insight is invaluable. Her dad and I were just talking a little while ago about what it was that she didn't like in her psychiatrist...I mean he is kind of a cold fish, but she was so visibly upset about going back to him that it suddenly occured to us that he may have mentioned electroshock therapy to her.

Her dad and I visited with him separately after her last visit and he told us that if she didn't show marked improvement on the increased dosage of lexapro, he may have to recommend another drug or somehing like EST to "jolt" her out of the depression. We both reacted negatively and he dropped the idea, but it had never occured to us then that he may have said that to HER! Should we ask her about that? Or maybe we should call tomorrow and ask him?

paige

...you are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars
you have a right to be here...

I think it would be a good idea to ask... if you can pinpoint a specific reason as to why she is reluctant to go back then you can work on it or keep it in mind when looking for someone new.

ECT has been recommended to me too, not by therapist or doctor but as a recommendation from my insurance company! That put the bejeezus out of me. Neither doc nor therapist thought it was time to be considering that... but the insurance company wanted quick results.

At the same time neither doc nor therapist poo-pooed the idea for something in the future. At the time this came up for me I was still on my first medication and just beginning intensive therapy so it wasn't time to consider such alternatives. I haven't thought about whether I would do that if the time came but I do know that lots of experts and patients agree that it can help. It is not like it used to be... people think of horror shows from the past, it is much more controlled now. Honestly the only thing that I worry about with regard to it is there is a possiblity of some memory loss. For most people the loss is temporary. The idea that it might not be scares me. I have a way to go before looking into this yet.

My point is that at sometime you may want to consider ECT as an option, and by "consider" I don't mean "do it" but just to do some research on it and see if she thinks it might help. But the thing to keep in mind is that no one is going to FORCE her to do it. Even if a doc recommends it she always has the final choice. Unless the doc gets persistant about it and refuses other treatment because he thinks it is "the only way to go" it is not necessarly bad for him to recommend it. If it ever gets to that point where he becomes insistant you and she can consider if he may be right or take the time to find another doc. In any case it would be wise at that point to seek a second opinion anyway just as you would if a doctor recommended surgery or something.

That's all in the future though, right now deal with her fear and see if you can find out if that is indeed what is going on.

Good luck.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

Paige,
What a jerk! That is what I mean about cold psychiatrists. Anyone in their write mind would know that just mentioning EST out of the blue in a noncomforting way is just lousy.
You might want to ask her about it if you do no think it will upset her too much. But I would want to know why she was uncomfortable. Just reassure her that you would never make her go through any therapy that she was uncomfortable with and she should not be scared of you making her.
You can call the jerk if you want to but you probably will not get far. He had every right to mention something to her. Just because he should not have does not mean he did anything wrong. Sucks huh?

Stay strong,
Jessica

You are in this snowglobe. It is encovered in glass and secure. But one day someone comes and shakes the globe and the pieces go flying everywhere. Now they will eventually settle but they won't be the way they were before and they can never be that way again.