I'm an empty shell of my former self

There was a time in my life, not so long ago, when I was passionate about music, movies and all my other interests.

Now, my heart says 'go watch that movie', but my mind says 'what's the point?', My enthusiasm for things I love is being sucked out of me by some kind of 'leech'. Deep down inside, I know I love doing something, but something stops me. I have a guitar, I spent every day and night, jamming on it, it was my favorite thing to do. I refuse to even look at it, now, it's just sitting there, all alone. It's broken.

All I really do these days, is curl up in my bed, sleep and hope time passes. The longer I sleep, the better. "Wow I slept for 4 hours, so I guess that means there's 4 less hours to deal with". I get up off my bed, and I think 'I'm still a little sleepy, maybe I can knock off another 2 hours of my day if I go back to bed again', and I do. That's it.

I hate mornings, I wake up everyday, and wonder 'where's my life going?', and there's a voice in my head that answers my own question 'It doesn't really matter, nothing matters'.

I eat my breakfast, my lunch and my dinner, because I guess I can't live without them, and I go to sleep. I don't even eat the food I want to eat. My ambitions, my passions, my hope, they've all gone. Vanished. I'm on autopilot.

oh look, another month is coming to an end. Wow, can't wait for next month to end too, and the one after that...

motto of my life is 'whatever'.

I know that feeling, depression is awful. Are you getting any treatment?

tapatalk post.

I hear you. I'm in the same place.

Nope.

Did you overcome this feeling? or do you fight it often?

It's a really bad place, isn't it?

Sounds exactly like me when I am in a deep depression.

Are you willing to get treatment?

Probably, sooner or later, I can't keep going like this.

My friends and family don't understand, they tell me to 'keep my chin up' or 'everybody has problems', I think it makes it worse.

Oh it definitely makes it worse. It makes you feel ashamed of being the way you are when you can't help it. Depression is a very serious disease and it needs treatment. I would encourage you to seek out treatment. I know it is really hard to do on your own. Is there anyone that can help with that. Like drive you to an appointment or something. That has really helped me in the past to have someone kind of hold my hand and bring me to an appointment.

Unfortunately some people don't take depression seriously. My family included.

I'm trying to assess if I have anyone who can take me there, I'll try. thanks.

seems the bad side seems the worst side seems nobody sees the bad side...

I see everthing

Yes. The system is so broken where I live that I've given up on getting help.

It's an ongoing battle, up and down. I feel like I'm in a constant fight against anger and lethargy. But despite that depression is the best thing that ever happened to me. It led me to seek professional help and I was not the type. I hate drugs. I mocked therapy. But when I was on the brink of completely losing it, someone actually showed me kindness. And that I don't have to be a victim of the people who use me as a doormat.

tapatalk post.

I would strongly encourage you to seek out treatment. It can get better. there is hope.

I hear you. I've been waking up with this empty feeling daily. Some days I can keep myself busy enough to sort of ignore it, but as soon as I leave my internship and am driving home it creeps in again. I start to get anxious about being home, and don't know what to do with my time. Usually I just eat and watch TV to drown out the bad feelings... But then I hate myself for overeating or being lazy. Sleep and TV have pretty much become my hobbies because they allow me to just to feel like a zombie and not think.
I realize I get really irritable when I'm around other people. I hide it pretty well...But inside I'm really agitated. I think it's partly because I'm jealous...I don't know how they're able to feel happy or laugh about everyday things. I hate myself for this.

I've been where you are and was there for about a year. I spent three years in jobs I hated and stated drinking myself to death. I felt the wife and kids just kept taking and taking from me. After getting laid off i feel into a deep depression and all I wanted to do is sleep the rest of my life away.

After three months of that I started counseling and got another job. I was still way out of it but have slowly climbed back into a shell of my former self. Now I just let the days pass another day above ground is my motto. Not another great day but just a day. Part of me just feels dead inside. I feel physically and mentally tired and just long for it to just be all over with.

Stuck in a dead end job and barely speaking with my wife for three plus years now.

Found this web site and hoping to find others like me who have found a reason to keep going.

I know how you feel.

Welcome, there's of great people here on PC.

I know what you're feeling.
I know that I miss the former "me".
I trying some "baby" steps on my own. I have to. I waiver between giving this ALL up and struggling on how to stay.
I'm now trying #100HappyDays for me, it's like a gratitude journal and hope it's a behavior that I can latch on too.
My head is always numb these days, my heart broken and shattered.
I know I need to reconnect them.
I hope you can too.

Thank you.

I hope to find answers on this sit to help me. It's kind of hard to navigate through but I'll figure it out soon I hope.

I hope for you the wellness that all of us are craving.

do you have any family supports. That' s the one thing that has kept me going

Not really Jblue, they don't think much of it when I let them know.