[woods]

shouldn't i be happy? im getting what i want for christmas and more. i mean shouldn't I have this huge smile on my face. But somehow nothing makes anything better. i mean i have more than most people in the world and none of it makes me happy. none of it matters.

i just cant find a reason to be happy.....i cant find anything to make me happy.

what do people do to get happy.....because everything that once made me happy, now doesn't.

[Anony]

Hi woods,
I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Depression has it's way of taking the joy out of everything we once enjoyed. I think everyone has their own different way of getting happy, so I don't know if I can offer much help there. For me, happiness is seeing my family happy, healthy and safe. If everyone got along on top of that, I couldn't ask for anything more, but that rarely happens. I'm glad you are getting everything you want for Christmas (and more) and I wish you all the luck in finding that inner happiness.

[wanting]

Woods..... oh i wish i could come and bive you a big hug,i dont know the answers your looking for unfortunatley otherwise i would be happy myself.
I am hanging on by a thread literally,but i am trying to be strong but it is so difficult.I am gald you getting what you want for christmas,you are lucky,im the eldest of a big family so i got little from 16 onwards lol but i never minded too much i knew it was a struggle for my mother.
Hope you can find some good happiness out of this christmas x

[woods]

thank you wanting. i havent had a meaningful hug in a long time. im listening to "train"...calling all angels. it makes me feel better. have you heard of them?
its just that in the end its all stuff. you know? its nothing to me...just things. i mean im happy when i get things but it doesn't make me happy.

thanx for your kind words....im sending you a hug, and a thicker rope.

anony- thank you, i guess were all on the road to happiness, it just takes a long time. i hope you have a good christmas too.

[woods]

sry i have to finish this part.

so you dont have to stand on a thread im sending you a fatty rope.
it didn't make sense to me when i read it before in my other comment.

anyways i hope you feel better

[wanting]

it did make sense to me woods,

[woods]

well im glad it did. i just wanted to make sure that it came across clear.

i hope you feel better soon.

[abilifyguy]

Yes you should be happy. Everyone deserves to be happy. I had a lifelong battle with depression until I found the right pdoc. Now I'm basically happy.

But you are right, in the end it is all just stuff. Seeing it that way is depressing, though. It's hard to live in the moment when you are depressed. If you are on the right meds, they take the pain away, but if they are not the right dose, they don't bring you all the way. Also, they take a long time to really work. The other thing you have to do to make it all the way to happy is to learn how to live in the moment, take joy in the simple things in life. It's hard to do. It takes practice. And it probably won't succeed without the proper medication to support you.

Depression struck me down so hard that I had to be hospitalized. At that time in my life, I had everything that I wanted and more. I could find no external reason for my depression and anxiety. I had the perfect life, and it was filled with pain and fear. With the right medications and a little retraining of my thinking, over a period of a couple of years I've overcome it.

You can be happy Woods! It's out there for you. Talk to your pdoc or therapist about your melancholy. It's not a life sentence.

Good luck! We're cheering for you!

woods, I agree with abilifyguy (I was going to put my name as abilified one!)--you have to get the right meds before you can even think rationally & not be sad all the time & ruminate on all the past hurts. At least that was the way it was for me. I was in despair all the time (had the typical crappy childhood, suicide attempts, low self-esteem, abused alchohol--I'm a walking cliche) & I kept ruminating on all the negative stuff. Once I got the proper meds I could start to focus on my life now & how I wanted to live it & have some control over it (quit smoking--a major control over me; stopped abusing alcohol; started to to learn how to live a quality life & reduce my symptoms through daily self-care). There is a hopeful & happy life out there for you!--Suzy

[woods]

thank you both for replying. i dont really have a T right now. i mean i cant see one for another month. in the mean time im just here. im glad both of you are better now. i dont know what to do though. i mean im terrible at opening up to adults..face to face. its as if theres a huge wall and i cant get over it.

what should i do? ive been to a T once and that didn't work because i didn't say anything i wanted to. and when i said it he thought it meant nothing to me...because i just cant tell people how i feel.

how am i supose to fight to be happy if half of me doesn't want it. does anyone ever feel like this? like theres two sides. good and bad. and your split right down the middle??