[Idiot17]

this is a ramble.

I lost. I had a deadline at work and i failed to meet it. This discrepancy can cost us a million. I finally failed at work as well, i was wondering if it would ever happen. When. I don't know where to go from here, my co-workers are picking up on a lot suddenly. Seeing me as i am outside of the business world. I feel like such a failure, up to know l was a failure everywhere but work. Now i officially failed every area of life. I'm ready to give up.

You haven't failed. I have so much more to say but right now I can't find the words, just hang in there ok

[LaborIntensive]

Hang in there. Your not fired. If you have a good track record of employment good offers are your for the taking my friend. Be positive, the loss may or may not happen. You do not know yet, right? As far as what others think...well your not a mind reader are you?

Transform yourself into the weekend guy you need to be for now!

[Secretum]

Everyone fails, but NO ONE is a failure.

Your mistake could cost your company 1 million. That's an awful lot of money, but...it's just money! You didn't kill anyone. You didn't cause anyone harm that they will never heal from. Everyone makes mistakes. The only way to truly fail is to fail to learn from them.

[roads]

Your post takes me back to the 1970s when I made a mistake at work & knew it would cost me my job. I ran lighting for mostly singers and some comedians in Las Vegas/Reno/Tahoe. Big money, BIG responsibilities. I drank a lot in those days, but important people kept hiring me because I was so good. Really really good.

I blew a follow spot light on Tony Bennett at Harrah's Main Showroom at Lake Tahoe. I may have blacked out briefly, I never figured out what happened, but suddenly I realized my spot was on the drummer, not Bennett.

I finished the show with no mistakes but didn't even try to pick up a paycheck. I left town, took my pets and a couple suitcases of stuff. After a week or so of wandering between Arizona and California, I ended up finding an AA mtg south of San Francisco and finally admitted I was an alcoholic and asked for help. A woman there with 30+ yrs sobriety took me home with her, settled my animals in with hers, and checked me into a longterm rehab.

About 20 yrs later, after my parents died, I drank for a month--the first time after rehab--and had to go through rehab again. Last month I marked 23 yrs sober.

Whatever caused the trouble at work & in the rest of your life, you can get better. You are here because of whatever's going on--depression, is that it? If you aren't being treated successfully, you need a new psychiatrist, a new therapist ... a better support system. DON'T GIVE UP. Your company may even pay for your treatment. Harrah's would have paid my costs--they'd asked me if I had a problem--but I was too proud to admit I needed help.

[Idiot17]

laborintensive:
it's not really about being fired. i know i wouldn't be, my boss has a lot of faith in me. He is trying to ensure i don't leave on my own violation so. it's that i feel like the loser, inadequete for the job and nobody gets that. this just proved i'm not good enough for it, i tried telling my boss more then once.

Roads:
way to go guy! 23 yrs of sobriety is an awful lot. i don't see that possible for myself, be proud.
thing is, currently i'm not being treated at all, and no i don't have any form of a support system other then pc.

[Altered Moment]

i don't see that possible for myself, be proud.
thing is, currently i'm not being treated at all, and no i don't have any form of a support system other then pc.

Why is it not possible for you?
Why are you not being treated?
What would you be treated for?
Why do you not have a support system?

[Rohag]

((((((( Idiot17 )))))))

Hmmm... When someone who consistently meets deadlines suddenly misses one, it raises questions about the task and deadline themselves, too. A manager who does not seek to examine systemic issues is not much of a manager. (Unfortunately, there are plenty of those.)

[Idiot17]

Rohag:
i don't have a manager, the president is the one on top of me. I warned him multiple times that it will occur. so is this about me being selfish? i'm the only one feeling so dissapointed in myself. like a failure.

Zinco:
you ask many legit questions, yet i don't know how to answer them.
it's mostly about my parents/family. i don't have support since i don't show the need, no one to give it either way.

Thanks guys.

[Altered Moment]

Originally Posted by Idiot17

Zinco:
you ask many legit questions, yet i don't know how to answer them.
it's mostly about my parents/family. i don't have support since i don't show the need, no one to give it either way.

Thanks guys.

Well I felt bad after posting that. They are rather intrusive questions.

I don't believe you can't get sober though. And I don't believe there is no treatment for you or no support network out there for you. It may not be family or friends but it is out there.

[winter4me]

Originally Posted by Idiot17

this is a ramble.

I lost. I had a deadline at work and i failed to meet it. This discrepancy can cost us a million. I finally failed at work as well, i was wondering if it would ever happen. When. I don't know where to go from here, my co-workers are picking up on a lot suddenly. Seeing me as i am outside of the business world. I feel like such a failure, up to know l was a failure everywhere but work. Now i officially failed every area of life. I'm ready to give up.

Don't let this belief take hold, I know it too well. I was always ok at work------...then... But please remember EVERYONE misses a deadline, makes a mistake, companies are built to sustain this---you are likely projecting your feelings about yourself onto others---sure, it is lousy, it is a set-back, but it is NOT the end of the world... & you may be letting a bit more of yourself "show" ---at work---sometimes the working through things, the healing gets messy because we no longer have our neat little boxes to put things in (work is here, home is there, doing this task is over in that bin), to keep the compartmentalizing intact.
Remember that it can lead to letting some of your good business skills into other parts of your life...
Hang in there.

[Idiot17]

zinco:
i didn't find them intrusive, only perhaps inquiring to understand?
it's possible the support is there, the more fundemental question is. do i allow myself to accept it? do i take the risk of confiding in a supportive factor?

[Altered Moment]

The hardest thing I have ever done was walk away from the house leaving my beautiful little three year old daughter behind when I got divorced. I wasn't leaving her life but I was leaving the house and my little family. I have been crying like crazy thinking about it just now. And I rarely cry. This post just got me thinking about the past.

But to the point the second hardest thing I ever did was reach out for help. I was scared to death. The thing is though once I made the decision I felt a huge sense of relief. I had some hope finally.

I know how scary it is. And you do have to be careful about choosing the right supportive factor. In my experience it is worth the risk.

[Idiot17]

sorry about having your past brought back to you via the post.

Having that hope dashed...i just don't see it being worth it. i shut down long ago, it's too daunting to come out of the dark for hope itself. but then again why would i suddenly be wanting it when i didn't a year or month back. this is getting off track :\

[Clara22]

I failed several times and they would not let me go. But it is not about the job, it is about that we think as far as our job is under control, we are not that bad. I mean, our condition is not that bad.

[Jeffrey66]

When I read your post I think: It's was the one place you thought was safe from this illness.

It's amazing how depression can skew our thoughts automatically toward the most negative and self-deprecating tack. It's horrible .

Good luck, I hope you get through this.

A therapist might be a help if you don't have one.



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[Trippin2.0]

You are worth the effort, just like Roads was when she realised she had a problem, just like the hundreds of thousands of people who seek help daily... you too are worth the effort it takes to seek and accept help.

I have no job, I'm a single mother, thankfully living with my own mother. Getting help has not been easy, and not just because I lack finances and the state has been making me jump through hoops for the past 6 months. Sure it was so much easier when I had a job and health insurance, but its been hard because this time around I need therapy. Not an idea I've ever been open to in the past, not even the last 5 years when the faecal matter has really hit the ceiling oscillator...

But I've realized that I'm worth the effort of trying, I'm worth the effort of getting over my discomfort (read: aversion) and my daughter and relationship is worth it too. I deserve a better quality of life... I finally get that.

Maybe you need to realize you are worthy before you can accept help. Idk...