[lala-land123]

I suffer from OCD, anxiety, and depression. Lately, I've been struggling with a major relapse where I can't quite get out of my head. I have intrusive thoughts, fears of the future, and worries that are driving me nuts.

One of those is s****dal thoughts, but I don't want to do that so I freak out. My counselor said it's just a thought and it's not like I would do that, which is true, but I don't understand why I have these thoughts during relapses.

Next week my kids are going to their g-ma`s house for Easter weekend and I'm getting nervous "what if" I do something stupid... I wouldn't but I don't want to spend that whole weekend worrying.

Help?

[stea1th71]

What is your current lifestyle? Are you exercising and eating healthy - or, maybe, getting enough sunlight? This helps alleviate depression, trust me! It seems as though that your problems are all internal. You haven't listed any serious external problems, so this is why I believe that your current mental state is the effect of some bad habits.

[TheOriginalMe]

The way I cope with those kind of thoughts is to envisage how my loved ones would react and to hold on to the thought that if I did succeed in that act all I would achieve is pass on my pain and misery to the ones I hold most dear. I can't bear the thought of them knowing or having to endure that kind of suffering and that gives me strength to carry on.

Keeping busy and having a bit of company (if you can) should help you too, or even just doing all those annoying little jobs that you are normally too busy to do.

Remember, there are plenty of people here who know what it is like to have those types of thoughts and we're always ready to listen.

[lala-land123]

Originally Posted by stea1th71

What is your current lifestyle? Are you exercising and eating healthy - or, maybe, getting enough sunlight? This helps alleviate depression, trust me! It seems as though that your problems are all internal. You haven't listed any serious external problems, so this is why I believe that your current mental state is the effect of some bad habits.

I've been losing weight, actually, because I stopped eating all sweets and started eating better since this relapse started. But I still don't exercise much and I am overweight. I do try to get outside as much as possible even if it's just for 15 min intervals throughout the day to smoke.

I had blood tests done last week and haven't heard anything so I assume everything is okay. I just really hate these obsessive thoughts. They seem to change constantly, too.

OriginalMe, I've done that envisioning and it makes me more fearful.

[Avatar10]

Hi lala-land123, I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult time. I suffer from depression and anxiety, and lately, with my current job position, my anxiety skyrocketed and the intrusive thoughts are killing me. What helps me is when I take care of myself and let others take care of me by listening to me, or hanging out with me. I am trying to accept the fact that my depression will always be there, so I need to find ways to cope with it more healthily. It's so hard sometimes! But now I'm trying to take one day at the time and do what I can. Feel better

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[Altered Moment]

I think it is pretty common for us to have suicidal thoughts when in a deep depression. Even comforting as sick as that is. pdocs always ask if you are having any thoughts and then they ask if you have a plan. if you are honest and have a plan they get worried. whenever I have a plan I too think about the aftermath and how my parents would find me and all everyone would have to go through.

[lala-land123]

I think a lot of it is my pure o OCD. I don't have a plan, an idea for a letter, or anything like that. It's really the anxious thought of what ifs messing with me. Another thing it could be is ptsd from seeing my mother try to kill herself when I was 8. I never understood what she was attempting until I was a teenager when I had my first depressive episode.

The ocd is really tough. I remember my ex-T once told me not to live my illness. I really need to follow that advice again.

[TheOriginalMe]

You sound pretty clued up on how to manage, maybe all you need is a bit more faith in yourself. You've overcome a lot to get this far and you're obviously very strong. sometimes I think it is easy to lose sight of how much strength we have when we're dealing with our illnesses. If it helps to post here, then I'm sure someone will be around to respond or you can send me a pm if you think that could help. I hope you enjoy the break while your kids are away. Try and make some plans about how you will spend your time, even if it is just one accomplishment a day.

[lala-land123]

Yeah, I do know how to cope since I relapse every 3-4 years. It's very hard and I know I don't give myself credit for all the things I do already.

I got a few hour reprieve from kids tonight and after a short anxious period, I managed to focus on other things. Thanks for chatting with me about this.

[Nammu]

Sometimes dealing with this issue can make you feel as if you've haven't accomplished anything in between the hard parts. But there is progress if you can see it. I'm not invalidating your feeling or how hard it is to deal with the intrusive nature of those thoughts, because it is hard.