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  #376  
Old May 24, 2014, 11:09 AM
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RunningInTheRain RunningInTheRain is offline
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I was good for a while but the last week or so I haven't been so great. Not really bad, as I'm still keeping it together for the most part...but I'm expecting things to get really bad soon. Always happens.
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Everyone wants happiness,
No one wants pain,
But you can't have a rainbow
Without a little rain.


I am attempting recovery from depression, social anxiety, self harm, suicidal ideation, and some crappy life stuff.
The last time I self harmed: 3/17/14
In therapy since: 1/13/14


I threw my blade away on June 6, 2014.

I'm always happy to help. Please send me a message if you ever need to talk about anything.
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  #377  
Old May 24, 2014, 11:57 AM
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healingme4me healingme4me is offline
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Name one day this week where tears haven't shed....

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  #378  
Old May 24, 2014, 02:02 PM
Anonymous37807
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I an actually having an okay day so far - - and last night wasn't too bad too. I wonder if the fetizma is startng to work? No, I don't think so; I changed my mind about it working. I'm still in the crapper - - at least right now I am since it's 5:00 and I turn into a pumpkin (self-imposed)

Last edited by Anonymous37807; May 24, 2014 at 05:08 PM.
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  #379  
Old May 24, 2014, 03:02 PM
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tigerlily84 tigerlily84 is offline
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My dad's birthday is tomorrow. I have a hard time going to see him because I have to see my stepmom when I visit. I'm always afraid of what fresh horrible thing she will have to say to me when I get there. And my birthday is coming soon. I hate my birthday.
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  #380  
Old May 24, 2014, 05:57 PM
Avatar10 Avatar10 is offline
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I feel sooo depressed today. Can't get out of bed. So tired of being depressed, when will this emptiness and sadness leave me alone?? I can't deal with this anymore

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What feels like the end, is often the beginning
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  #381  
Old May 24, 2014, 06:05 PM
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TheOriginalMe TheOriginalMe is offline
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Misery and migrane.
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  #382  
Old May 24, 2014, 06:36 PM
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makayla55 makayla55 is offline
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I've been anxious all day, and couldn't focus on anything. Couldn't even enjoy my time outside. My body was out there, but I WASN'T.
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  #383  
Old May 25, 2014, 02:34 AM
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signets signets is offline
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Location: Texas
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I have been having trouble sleeping. I can't seem to get to sleep and can't seem to fall back to sleep when I do. I feel like I want to take off running 2 in the morning. Yesterday, I wen to a b-day party and didn't want to be outside with everyone. I went for my daughter's sake, but I didn't want to be there and socialize.
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I will to press on....
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  #384  
Old May 25, 2014, 03:18 AM
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lizzyjb lizzyjb is offline
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Location: Madrid
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Bad and nervous. Only want to sleep and forget the world. It's a sunny morning. I hate.
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  #385  
Old May 25, 2014, 04:09 AM
Perfectly Broken Perfectly Broken is offline
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An incident happened recently that made me curious about sociopaths. I ended up looking up antisocial personality disorders and wound up at an article about selective mutism. I have selective mutism, I always thought it was something that occurred along with social anxiety but it turns out it is rare even for people with SA.
I can't talk to people, I become too anxious and avoid them altogether. I'm slowly getting better with social interactions with my current meds but I still cannot talk to certain people (or rather I only talk to a certain few). I remember failing trigonometry in high school and being so depressed since I couldn't talk to the teacher at ALL. I certainly wasn't going to signup for calculus next year since she was teaching that class too.
People may read me as snobbish, I'm just terrified of them. I don't like rejection, even the possibility of rejection. I'm too nervous to meet new people and never learned how to deal with new people or make/keep friends. I avoid eye contact and stay silent, even when I desperately want to say something and am yelling it in my head. I hope I can work on this more, I'd really hate to show up to uni this fall and still be plagued with this selective mutism. I see my psych next month and hopefully I can get to the bottom of this. I know people can sense there is something off about me, I find it excruciatingly hard to fit in and be normal.
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I'm perfectly broken"
Fibromyalgia Syndrome, Chondromalacia, Scoliosis, Dysmenorrhea, Major Depression, Social Anxiety
Prozac, Elavil, Flexeril, Naproxen, Propranolol, Previfem
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  #386  
Old May 25, 2014, 06:45 AM
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possum220 possum220 is offline
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I has a sad..............................
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  #387  
Old May 25, 2014, 07:32 AM
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IchbinkeinTeufel IchbinkeinTeufel is offline
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I'm jumping up and down on depression, ... beating depression to a pulp. Depression can, ... can, ... GO POOP ON ITS FACE. HOORAH. Wanna know an awesome weapon against depression? Exercise! It's hella hard to start, but it can be the key to giving you some serious strength against depression.
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[ `id -u` -eq 0 ] || exit 1
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  #388  
Old May 25, 2014, 08:51 AM
Anonymous37807
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Depression continues . . .
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  #389  
Old May 25, 2014, 03:42 PM
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MotherMarcus MotherMarcus is offline
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Meh. Not much happening here.
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  #390  
Old May 25, 2014, 05:43 PM
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smmath smmath is offline
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Got rejected and I didn't mean to do anything wrong. I hate myself.
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  #391  
Old May 25, 2014, 06:56 PM
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Same old, same old. Depression has now become the norm, it isn't going to get better, there's no way out. Everything is a chore, nothing is a pleasure so I may as well fill the hours with stuff I don't want to do, because whatever I do I am not going to enjoy it.

Meh
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  #392  
Old May 25, 2014, 06:57 PM
Avatar10 Avatar10 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smmath View Post
Got rejected and I didn't mean to do anything wrong. I hate myself.

What happened smmath??

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What feels like the end, is often the beginning
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  #393  
Old May 25, 2014, 07:04 PM
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smmath smmath is offline
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I put my nose where it didn't belong and I got called out on it. I deserved it, but I feel like trying to depress myself by going over what was said to me and what I did.
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  #394  
Old May 25, 2014, 07:06 PM
Avatar10 Avatar10 is offline
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Sorry to hear, but hey, it's okay to make mistakes. We're only human, don't keep punishing yourself, I know it's a hard thing to do, but try to be more gentle and loving to yourself, you deserve it

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  #395  
Old May 26, 2014, 09:12 AM
dandylin dandylin is offline
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Lots of stress. Panic attacks are becoming more frequent. Walked the dog last night. Ran into one of DH's college friends. Stood in the middle of the road talking for about an hour. It was nice.
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  #396  
Old May 26, 2014, 11:08 AM
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herethennow herethennow is offline
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strange that T was talking about relapse prevention the other day, and lo behold... i'm back down in this hole for 3 days straight away. i can probably tick off like 4 of the symptoms. and i don't know the reason why i feel so down.

this sucks.
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Wardmate: No.. here's not a prison. *points to brain* Here is.
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  #397  
Old May 26, 2014, 11:58 AM
regretful regretful is offline
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Mild, persistent, annoying depression...on the bright side, the sun is shining...
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  #398  
Old May 26, 2014, 01:07 PM
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Feeling pretty decent.
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  #399  
Old May 26, 2014, 02:45 PM
Anonymous37807
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheOriginalMe View Post
Same old, same old. Depression has now become the norm, it isn't going to get better, there's no way out. Everything is a chore, nothing is a pleasure so I may as well fill the hours with stuff I don't want to do, because whatever I do I am not going to enjoy it.

Meh
I feel the same way, TheOriginalMe. Hugs to you.
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  #400  
Old May 26, 2014, 02:48 PM
Anonymous37807
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Well, I had a pretty good weekend - - spent a lot of time with my husband, saw my brother and his family on Saturday, just got done from visiting with my aunt for a few hours, and now I'm back home alone feeling lonely and depressed. Kind of a let down from time with other people. I'm sure the rest of the week will be more of the same: lonely, bored and depressed. I just hate my life right now. I wish I were well enough to work or volunteer - - or to enjoy anything! My life is just killing me slowly.
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