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Perpetually Pondering
Community Liaison
Member Since Apr 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 46,298
(SuperPoster!)
11 4,168 hugs
given |
#281
Worked through that anger. With knowledge. In person knowledge. Some type of non verbal understanding. Back discomfort on and off. Haven't slept this much, in a long time.
Focus driven, at the moment. Visions of ringe and Latin floating in my mind, right now. There....grasped my childrens real advantage. Education matters, with a slight derivative to health care advantage, all in a name/title, so to speak. Can't have a novel, but I can have a Novella. GAL is limited to 20 pages, need to follow suit... Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
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#282
Trying to make the most of a sunny, beautiful Sunday. Planted flowers outside, went for a short bike ride and for ice cream with my husband and now am just taking a break from reading a book out on the patio. I don't know how much longer I'll last out there, and then what will I do? Will feel guilty being inside on a such a beautiful spring/early summer day. My husband has a lot of projects going on in the garage and outside. I wish he would spend more time with me after I'm done reading. Will be lonely inside. There's that loneliness again!
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StarStrike, TheOriginalMe
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Shooting Star
Member Since Dec 2013
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 2,211
10 2,057 hugs
given |
#283
I've done nothing productive all day. This Sunday has been pointless. I'm so lazy and useless.
__________________ "Yeah, just be yourself It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else" - The Middle by Jimmy Eat World. Medication: Olanzapine 20mg Fluoxetine 20mg |
Anonymous37807, Nammu, TheOriginalMe
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Member
Member Since Nov 2009
Location: Rocky Mountains
Posts: 451
14 947 hugs
given |
#284
Left mass before it even started today. Went alone and was suddenly overwhelmed by the whole thing.
__________________ I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell |
Bigmike727, Nammu, StarStrike, TheOriginalMe
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Out of Order
Member Since Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 15,793
(SuperPoster!)
10 17.2k hugs
given |
#285
The weather is glorious and spring in England is beautiful on days like today. Even so, I spent the morning asleep (still anaemic). In the afternoon I made myself go out, I visited the National Park and saw some amazing plants and flowers, primroses carpeting whole hillsides, bluebell woods, rivers, streams, hills. Glorious and I can only see the beauty, I just don't experience it, I watch rather than live.
__________________ |
dandylin, Nammu, StarStrike
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dandylin, maddnessreturns, Nammu
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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 1,013
13 287 hugs
given |
#286
Work up today thinking Oh my god, I feel like me. I'm still not 100% sure what that feels like, but I feel somehow stronger after the past year. It is a nice feeling. I want, so badly, to hold onto this. So badly. I hope that I do.
__________________ Love is.. OSFED|MDD/PPD|GAD|gender dysphoria|AvPD a baby smiling at you for the first time a dog curling up by your side... and your soulmate kissing your forehead when he thinks you're sound asleep |
dandylin, StarStrike
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dandylin, Nammu
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Member
Member Since Apr 2014
Location: The Bahamas
Posts: 325
10 111 hugs
given |
#287
Well, I could've done more today, but I've been trying to relax abit to take my mind off of these exams. Can't wait until June when it will all be over.
__________________ Diagnosis: Bipolar Type I w\ psychotic features, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Medications: 0mg Prozac (Thank God), 10mg Zyprexa, 100mg Lamictal XR (for now may adjust as needed), 2mg Klonopin |
dandylin, StarStrike
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Poohbah
Member Since Jul 2007
Location: Indiana, USA
Posts: 1,256
17 600 hugs
given |
#288
Pdoc appt tomorrow. Get a professional opinion if med changes are working. I hope they are. Still feeling depressed but not overwhelmingly so.
Tig __________________ PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin |
dandylin, StarStrike
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Member
Member Since Dec 2013
Location: Mid Atlantic
Posts: 62
10 63 hugs
given |
#289
Today was an okay day. It was beautiful and sunny, pretty cool for mid to late May.
Hub and I had a morning movie date to see "Chef" with Jon Favreau. I spent the rest of the day prepping and cooking all day for dinner and for most of the week. I'm okay, and still don't know what to do with a loveless Mother's Day gift that was sent to me from my daughter who doesn't love me anymore. *sigh* __________________ "Tears are words the mouth can't say nor the heart bear." - Joshua Wisenbaker |
dandylin, StarStrike
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Poohbah
Member Since Dec 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 1,432
10 368 hugs
given |
#290
It's been a rough day. I have little energy, little desire to do anything, and a family member is dying. I just want to sleep and be removed from everything.
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dandylin, Nammu, StarStrike
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Member
Member Since May 2014
Location: Dallas
Posts: 195
10 9 hugs
given |
#291
It was rough today. Finally got out of bed at like 2pm and made it to the gym. Only to get sick because I've feel into my anorexia again and don't have any reserve energy. Other than that my most success is not sleeping all day.
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Nammu, Pikku Myy, smmath, StarStrike
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Perpetually Pondering
Community Liaison
Member Since Apr 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 46,298
(SuperPoster!)
11 4,168 hugs
given |
#292
Part of life, post divorce, still pangs a little around what would be another anniversary. This coming weekend. Time of recognizing, the bad with good, recognizing years(12), and sorry it had to happen. Like I tell my kids in punishment, you knew the consequences of your behavior, even with written notice, i still gave that one last verbal notice to reconsider what you are doing before consequence handed down(middle son tonight lost three days computer privileges)...
I made a life decision based on intolerance to mistreatment, with ample warnings and opportunities, pleas, etc.... Stop blaming my mom, and accept it! Took two to tango yes, but I gave every warning, chance, option, etc. Anger management, by court order? Hmphhh... Where was that, 5,6,7,8 years ago? Add: don't think it was a light/easy choice. Think it's been easy? Think I like hearing such glib accounts of completely annihilating my children, so to speak, over broken home blah blah? Yeah, my life has had various areas of improvement. But I'll never view people the same ever again. Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2 |
dandylin, Pikku Myy, StarStrike
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Member
Member Since Apr 2014
Location: California
Posts: 144
10 274 hugs
given |
#293
I've been pretty good lately. A big part of me is waiting for it all to crash again, because it always has...but I'm definitely enjoying a break from feeling like my brain is trying to suffocate me.
__________________ Everyone wants happiness, No one wants pain, But you can't have a rainbow Without a little rain. I am attempting recovery from depression, social anxiety, self harm, suicidal ideation, and some crappy life stuff. The last time I self harmed: 3/17/14 In therapy since: 1/13/14 I threw my blade away on June 6, 2014. I'm always happy to help. Please send me a message if you ever need to talk about anything. |
dandylin, Pikku Myy, StarStrike
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2012
Posts: 3,705
11 1,218 hugs
given |
#294
The weekend is about over. On Saturday morning it appeared like it was going to be a pretty good weekend and probably the best weekend in a long time. I had optimism on Saturday morning, but it all came crashing down as the weekend progressed.
On Saturday night I got together with a friend I had not seen in a while. He had been so busy and not available for quite a while. On Saturday morning he had emailed me saying he'd be available on Saturday evening, but no set time. So he called me at 5:45 PM and told me to be over at 6:30. I told him that I would make it more around 7 because I started eating dinner. He said,"you can't just drop your dinner to see me?" I thought what was that all about? But then he told me to call when I'm ready to come. So I called back and there was no answer. But I went over to his place anyways (at 6:50); and when he saw me at the door, he told me that he was upset that I was selfish not to drop my dinner to see him. Geeze! Our time together did not start well but it got better as he apologized. This morning I got an email from him asking me if I am a friend. He also stated that he wants to handle selling my place (I had been thinking of selling my condo) and he was upset that I had called a Real Estate Office instead of him. In the first place, he has not been a good friend because he's always been busy and distant. And then I did call on a Real Estate saleswoman that I know very well and like. I prefer to do business with her than with him. So it looks like I'm going to lose a friend that I thought would be good for me. Also, today was not a good day as I felt like I had been by myself all day. And I went to the pool area looking forward to relax and there were undesirable people there. One very good reason why I want to leave where I live. |
dandylin, Pikku Myy, smmath, StarStrike
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Pikku Myy
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,614
(SuperPoster!)
13 5,460 hugs
given |
#295
Awfully tired, but otherwise okay.
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Pikku Myy, StarStrike
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Pikku Myy
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2012
Location: USA -
Posts: 1,863
12 1,194 hugs
given |
#296
Depressed...annoyed....tired...bored...frustrated...
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Pikku Myy, StarStrike
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#297
Feeling awfully sad and lonely again. Seems like things are getting worse, not better for me. Maybe it's just the continuing monotony of my life that's getting to me - - and the seemingly unending isolation that is very painful. Hoping this will end in not too long, but really not seeing an end in sight. This really sucks. I just hate my life and existence (if you can even call it that, at this point).
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Pikku Myy, regretful, StarStrike
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Crone
Member Since May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 73,305
(SuperPoster!)
14 55.8k hugs
given |
#298
Does anyone know what happen to Bark? She's been gone for a while, I know she was struggling....then nothing?
__________________ Nammu Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. ... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
tigerlily84
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Veteran Member
Member Since May 2014
Location: Looking
Posts: 531
10 334 hugs
given |
#299
This isn't good. I've been feeling good for days then now, I don't know my next move. I don't want depression to come back. I have to figure out something...soon.
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Pikku Myy, StarStrike
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jun 2009
Location: US
Posts: 3,103
15 4,904 hugs
given |
#300
Still feeling active and calm
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Closed Thread |
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