[Rose76]

Tired. Just have to force myself to do things.

[Bigmike727]

Well today was good until I came across my Chemistry exam, I swear I knew must be five or so answers definitively. This is why I intend on studying law and history, something easier to grasp the concept behind, atleast for me anyway.

[Espresso]

I feel like I'm back in the depression. It's frustrating because it was definitely getting better. And then life decides to kick me in the head and I'm back to where I started. Stupid life.

[TheOriginalMe]

I'm functioning but nothing has meaning, I go through the motions but life is just a chore to be done like washing the dishes or putting the garbage out. It's not nice but not doing it isn't nice either. I just try to sleep whenever I can.

[msbunnyryu]

Today was great! I had a freshman orientation for my college and it was the best day ever in my life. It was very tiring but, I met many new nice people! Everybody in the college was very nice and the activities really interested me. I think that going to college might help me with my depression.

[Ganymede00]

I have nothing to do ever since my art class ended about a week ago. So far, I have an appointment this coming Friday at a counseling center to get some advice on how to handle my anxiety while job hunting. Hopefully that motivates to do something cause when I have nothing to do, my mind tends to wander into dark places.

[sph123]

Today was full of ups and downs. At least there were some ups and not all downs. I am frustrated with my options for treatment. I need new a new medication regimen. I need a new type of therapy. I have to make decisions and I don't know if I have enough energy to figure it all out.

I went out on a date. It's been a long time since I went out on a date. Unfortunately, he didn't seem to be interested in seeing me again.

[regretful]

In the fixed orbit of mild depression...still...and again...

I don't really know what to say today, just trying to keep busy.

Today started off on a bad note when I talked to my husband about my sadness and loneliness (which, by the way is being helped by chatting with a few people on here). He was frustrated and not really wanting to hear it. He texted me later saying the timing was bad, that when he's ready to head out the door for work and thinking about his work day that's it's really not a good time to be giving me the attention he admits I deserve. He also said this week is one of the busiest weeks of the year for his company, so that made the timing extra bad.

I kind of feel guilty for selfishly thrusting my negative thoughts and emotions on him before work like that. I will know better next time, but it just doesn't seem like there's ever a good time to be talking to him about it, ya know?

[tokiwartooth]

I broke down last night. I haven't felt that bad in a long time. I saw him, but even that didn't help. It actually made it worse for awhile.

[pisces22]

I had my appointment with the doctor today and I told them I was feeling depressed and I told them my triggers except my fear of death and existential crisis. My sister was in the room and I told them to leave but the doctor came in and they had no time to get up and leave. They're going to find an appointment with a therapist. The doctor also prescribed me a medicine to help me sleep. I'm planning on telling my therapist about everything on my first therapy. I feel a little depressed and anxious this morning but I'm feeling better than the past days. I also just found out I lost 5lbs which makes sense since I haven't been eating well.

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[StarStrike]

Today has been a better day. I kept my mind preoccupied with rabbit stuff during the morning and bought lots of rabbit toys and a grooming set at the shop. Yay! I made it out of the flat today. The downside was being scared while outside of the flat. I'm pretty sure I have a stalker. Then after lunch I made it outside again and managed to go to the library. I felt scared when I entered the building, but despite feeling like I was being watched, I took out a book. I spent the afternoon reading, until my dad phoned up asking me to meet him. Walked with him and his dog to my grandparents house. He then gave me money to buy a drink. So I made it to another shop and then made it home again. Still, fearing for my safety. I hate leaving the flat. But staying inside drives me up the wall so I have to leave at some point. I just wish I wasn't so frightened all of the time.

[tigersassy]

I'm pushing myself to hard right now. I'm taking on so much at work but I'm unable to manage it. My wife is worried that I'm going to break mentally. I can't say that I blame her. I am staring to wonder the same thing. I can't say no. If I do say no it causes my current depression to become near unbearable. I feel a crushing sense of anxiety from this inability to say no to bosses at work. But what can I do? I want to make this end..... erg.

Tig

[maddnessreturns]

It was a rough day starting out. I had my first panic attack and it scared me to death because I wasn't sure what was going on. It felt like I couldn't breathe and that someone was sitting on my chest, I was sweating like crazy, shaking, and couldn't hold a conversation. It was like nothing was connecting. I'm home now and took a Klonopin but my chest still hurts. I hope things start looking up.

[TheOriginalMe]

Just lousy. Exhausted too. So tedious.

[Bigmike727]

Well today could have went better. I am pretty confident I botched my English/Bahamian Literature exam. On the bright side Biology was extremely easy, easier than I expected it to be.

[bluedolphin92]

Been alright lately...mostly just bored out of my mind and thinking way too much about my crush =/. I wish I didn't have such a boring life so I could think of something more to text him than "Hi"; or that he'd just text me first. Can't wait to hear back from the people I'm doing research assistant stuff with this summer about when I start. This sitting around the house all day is getting old really fast.

[nakitakunai]

My mom's birthday is this Saturday and I was planning on driving to her house on Friday to spend the weekend with her... but all of a sudden my anxiety is just through the roof and I am terrified at the idea of having to drive two hours. Most days I don't even leave my house, and on the rare occasion that I do, I just go to the grocery store and back which takes like 10 minutes total of driving. Two hours... I would have to stay calm for two whole hours... I don't know if I can do it. I really have a bad gut feeling about it that I cant shake. My mom asked me tonight if I'm sure I'll be able to and I really don't think I can do it... but I really don't want to let her down by not being there for her for her birthday. I'm so conflicted and I'm so, so scared.

[tigerlily84]

Originally Posted by nakitakunai

My mom's birthday is this Saturday and I was planning on driving to her house on Friday to spend the weekend with her... but all of a sudden my anxiety is just through the roof and I am terrified at the idea of having to drive two hours. Most days I don't even leave my house, and on the rare occasion that I do, I just go to the grocery store and back which takes like 10 minutes total of driving. Two hours... I would have to stay calm for two whole hours... I don't know if I can do it. I really have a bad gut feeling about it that I cant shake. My mom asked me tonight if I'm sure I'll be able to and I really don't think I can do it... but I really don't want to let her down by not being there for her for her birthday. I'm so conflicted and I'm so, so scared.

It's okay if you can't. Is it possible to take the train or for your mom to meet you somewhere in the middle? Have you told your mom how anxious you are? Are you able to pinpoint exactly what is making you anxious? Feel free to ignore these questions, just something to think about. For me sometimes it helps me to try to figure out what the cause of my anxiety is to help me to calm down. Doesn't always work, but it's worth a shot, right? Hope you feel better, whatever you decide.

[nakitakunai]

I can't take the train, I live in a very small town with almost no public transportation
I haven't told her how anxious I am yet but I will probably bring up my fears to her tomorrow and see if she has anything to say. She was the one who asked me if I'm sure I can handle it so I think she'll be understanding. It's just I know I'll feel so guilty for not being there for her, that's what's killing me...
And no I'm not sure exactly what it is... other than like I said, I'm not used to driving more than 10 minutes a day. And I also have a lot of nightmares about losing control of my vehicle and/or running into other cars. But I don't exactly have control over these nightmares so I'm not sure what I could do about them... I think I might have to start going to therapy. :/
Anyway thank you for your response <3

[tigerlily84]

It turns out that the therapist that I wanted to see doesn't have room in her schedule to see me. I received a phone call from her receptionist while I was at work today to let me know that another therapist that I never heard of would call me back later today. Well I forgot all about it and I received the call from this new T. I don't know that I like her. I felt guilty because when she called today she kept talking about how difficult it was to schedule clients, and that she would have to ask to have some other client that was cancelling all the time to reschedule in order to see me, and so on.

I don’t know, I didn’t like the fact that I felt almost bullied into a timeslot that is really actually very late in the evening. I barely got a word in edgewise. I felt like I was intruding on her. I understand that she has a schedule and has other clients, but I don’t want to feel like a burden on anyone. I got the impression that she was nice, just overextended with too many clients. I already know what the answer is: if I don’t feel comfortable after talking to her on the phone, then I shouldn’t go. I feel like a piece of crap for cancelling after making the appointment literally 3 hours ago. Blah.

Anyway, not much else to report. I was sick and had to call out yesterday from work. I still feel a bit ill, but I don’t have the luxury (or option) to stay home for days on end, unfortunately. I’m feeling a bit better of late. I am going to try to take advantage of this newfound clarity and try to job hunt.

[Rose76]

weak and tired, but mentally okay.

Still feeling very lonely, bored and depressed. I wish there were an end in sight, but there's really not. At least today I'm having lunch with a friend, so that'll be nice. I'm also going to an AA meeting but don't need to leave for 2 hours, so that leaves a lot of time to fill (more loneliness and boredom). :-(

[StarStrike]

Today I'm in a really good mood. I hope it lasts.

[regretful]

Seeking that elusive "good" feeling...it was so long ago that I felt "good" that I'm beginning to have no memory of it. Yesterday a friend told me that he thinks I've made it through the darkest part of depression ~ I hope that he's right. I'm just not feeling it yet...