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#77
May 06, 2014, 01:53 AM
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Just sitting at home now. Time's passing. Don't know what I'm going to do.
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 seeminglyreal, StarStrike, TheOriginalMe
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#78
May 06, 2014, 06:24 AM
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I am so tired of waking up so sad. As soon as I open my eyes, my chest feels heavy and it feels as if someone is tugging down my heart, and I just want to cry and cry and cry... And the realisation of how lonely I am sets in and I want to cry even more. God, I just want it to end.
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| Nammu, StarStrike, TheOriginalMe
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#79
May 06, 2014, 06:44 AM
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It's day four of my four day weekend and we're about to go to the zoo. I made it to my birthday
 thanks to everyone here! 
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| StarStrike, TheOriginalMe, tigerlily84
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 StarStrike
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#80
May 06, 2014, 06:59 AM
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I got up this morning in one of my weird moods. Paced around the flat, had an argument with myself, swore at nothing and giggled repeatedly, SI'd several times, got into a tizzy, sat on the sofa with my head in my hands, picked up a plushie, forgot why I picked the damn thing up and got frustrated with the voices in my head. I'm in a really weird state of mind and cannot function properly today it seems. So, I phoned in sick at the library. I'm no use to anyone like this. Well my doctor visit went okay. I answered all of his questions. He kept trying to convince me that it's all in my head and that it's just a part of some illness is what goes on everyday. He expressed quite a lot of worry, shocked by the number of fresh wounds on my wrist and was keen to put me on medication. He told me what it's for. It's to make the voices go quiet. But he didn't want me on too high of a dosage so I'm only on 1mg of Risperidone. The one thing that irks me is, he hasn't told me what the hell is actually wrong with me. All I know is that I'm mentally ill and I need my mental health team's help.
__________________
"Yeah, just be yourself It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else" - The Middle by Jimmy Eat World. Medication: Olanzapine 20mg Fluoxetine 20mg |
| Nammu, seeminglyreal, TheOriginalMe
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#82
May 06, 2014, 08:02 AM
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Rough night...arguments, frustrations, sleeplessness...
rougher morning and heading back into that depressive shell. I find it hard to believe that this is my life. There was a time when I was happy...Each passing day makes that more of a fading memory... |
| Anonymous37807, seeminglyreal, StarStrike, TheOriginalMe
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#83
May 06, 2014, 09:36 AM
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For the second day in a row, I'm feeling a tad more optimistic, particularly about finding a job. This morning I even got out of bed earlier than my self-imposed 8 o'clock hour - - just because I was enthusiastic about starting my day. Is it possible the fetizma is starting to work after just 1-1/2 weeks?
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| regretful, StarStrike, TheOriginalMe
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| Nammu, StarStrike
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#84
May 06, 2014, 01:29 PM
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Anxious, panicky, scared ... in a really freaky "don't touch me!" sort of place. Really need to see a doctor. Hope my insurance covers treatment.
__________________
Technology and human potential don't have to be adversary positions .. we can use advanced machinery and advanced people. Likewise, the idealists on the right and the idealists on the left would do better for all if they worked on the same team. Get comfortable with combining positions and not choosing sides. -- Jim Channon, LTC. U.S.Army |
| Anonymous200125, Nammu, StarStrike
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#85
May 06, 2014, 03:46 PM
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Hmm back to work blues are starting to sink in. It's been a good four days off mostly, and a good birthday but knowing I have to go back to work in the morning is sending my mood crashing again. Time for an early night to stop the thoughts...
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| Nammu, regretful, StarStrike, TheOriginalMe
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#86
May 06, 2014, 04:30 PM
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Sunday is looming. One of the hardest of the hards.
Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2 |
| seeminglyreal, StarStrike
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#87
May 06, 2014, 05:11 PM
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Nothing is happening in my life. I feel stuck. I feel like I am going nowhere. And that everyone else's lives are much more interesting than mine. I'm not even interested in anything, I'm not good at anything. I want to get drunk or high I just don't know what to do. I'm sick of feeling so damn worthless. Now the house is empty and I'm just sitting here because I have no where to go and no one who wants me. I want to get really drunk and probably do stupid things. I just want something to happen. My scared inhibited self isn't going to do anything so.
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| Onward2wards, seeminglyreal, StarStrike, tigerlily84
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#88
May 06, 2014, 05:17 PM
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((( nevergoodenough ))) I feel precisely the same.
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| StarStrike
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#89
May 06, 2014, 05:27 PM
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Quote:
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| StarStrike
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#90
May 06, 2014, 05:29 PM
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Quote:
__________________
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#91
May 06, 2014, 05:30 PM
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There is nothing in the world that I want more than to feel loved and wanted. God, I hate myself.
It's been a bad day. Took some pills and fell asleep for a few hours. I feel heavy, slow and dizzy. Last edited by seeminglyreal; May 06, 2014 at 05:44 PM. |
| mulan, Nammu, StarStrike, TheOriginalMe
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#92
May 06, 2014, 05:42 PM
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Pretty acceptable day. Up a notch from 1 to 2. Mind is okay, just feel anxiety and jitteriness.
__________________
Traveling west back toward Eden (interestingly the wise men in the Gospel account of Jesus' birth came from the East), has been full of confrontation with the trials and tribulations of living outside the Garden. She is an artist without doubt disappointed that paradise was not as close in 1969 as she and so many others hoped it was. Her work is now filled with the reality of humanity's failure to achieve the prophetic dream of her song, but never without the hope that that day will yet come. |
| mulan, Nammu, StarStrike, TheOriginalMe
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#93
May 06, 2014, 05:45 PM
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Had another busy day one way and another. Apart from not having milk the day started well. Then after lunch the day got complicated.
This afternoon I discovered some ****hole had driven into my garden wall and left a three foot section badly damaged and hanging over the pavement where it is a danger to pedestrians. As the owner of the wall I'm liable if it falls on someone and it is too heavy for me to move the damaged section away from the footpath. Obviously the ****hole who did the damage has just driven away and not reported the accident to me or the police. My insurance company are sending a surveyor out tomorrow, at least it is a relief to know that I'm covered by insurance and they are onto the job. My toilet has stopped flushing, so I have to pour buckets of water down the pan. I've got a plumber starting on Thursday to replace the whole bathroom, I was just hoping that it would all hold out until then, it seems not. The last trouble of the day was an injury to add to the previous two "insults". Back in December I hit my head very hard and had a hairline fracture to my skull. Today, I managed to bump exactly the same place, not hard but it really, really hurt. Since then I've felt pretty nauseous and drowsy, I know I should get checked out, but it took three trips to ER last time before they took the injury seriously and I honestly can't face that aggravation again.
__________________
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| mulan, Nammu, StarStrike, tigerlily84
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#94
May 06, 2014, 05:56 PM
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Feeling pretty hopeless today, financial issues are getting the better of me.
__________________
Diagnosis: Bipolar Type I w\ psychotic features, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Medications: 0mg Prozac (Thank God), 10mg Zyprexa, 100mg Lamictal XR (for now may adjust as needed), 2mg Klonopin  |
| mulan, Nammu, seeminglyreal, StarStrike, TheOriginalMe, tigerlily84
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#95
May 06, 2014, 06:27 PM
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Having a hard time responding or posting, everything I say seems shallow and redundant so why say anything. The mobile crisis outreach stopped by yesterday again, made a ton of notes and told me to use the ambian EVERY night, not just for a couple days then take a break. I worry it will stop working if I do that.
I don't feel more depressed it's more that I now feel nothing, think nothing....I stare out the window for hours and don't notice time as passed. Not sure if that's a trend in the right direction or not, at least I no longer think of suicide.
__________________
Nammu Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. ... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
| mulan, seeminglyreal, StarStrike, TheOriginalMe, tigerlily84
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#97
May 07, 2014, 08:43 AM
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Feeling really depressed today. Had to force myself to get out of bed, walk the dogs and put in some laundry. My life just seems so damn meaningless and boring, but I feel powerless to change it. Not sure what happened to my fight/optimism from the past 2 mornings. Some things just never change . . .
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| mulan, regretful, StarStrike, TheOriginalMe, tigerlily84
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#98
May 07, 2014, 08:45 AM
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Quote:
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| mulan, Nammu, regretful, StarStrike, TheOriginalMe, tigerlily84
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#99
May 07, 2014, 08:48 AM
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Still circling the drain...sadly, I feel like I'm in one of the closest concentric circles, but rather than escaping to "normal" or flushing to "oblivion", I just stay in the same orbit...yes, that's it - I'm in the fixed orbit of mild depression...someday it will get better, right?
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| mulan, Nammu, StarStrike, TheOriginalMe, tigerlily84
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#100
May 07, 2014, 08:57 AM
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Quote:
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| TheOriginalMe
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| Closed Thread |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
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