[Clara22]

This is silly but I got a new washing machine. It took a while for me to get it, it is expensive but the boyfriend of one my nieces got a great discount for me (around 25%). Also, I got a carpenter to build a ramp for my laundry room, so I can access the laundry room without damaging my wheelchair. I am finishing accumulated laundry. My garden, where I have to hang the clothes out to dry, needs some arrangement (the ground is uneven and my wheelchair gets stuck sometimes) but it is something I will take care next week. I feel much better when I can organize my life better, cleaning, accessing all the places, etc. I am happy I am having the strength I used to have to take care of this little things. on the other hand, I have been crying for my mom, who died last year.

[the enchantedsoul]

Originally Posted by Clara22

This is silly but I got a new washing machine. It took a while for me to get it, it is expensive but the boyfriend of one my nieces got a great discount for me (around 25%). Also, I got a carpenter to build a ramp for my laundry room, so I can access the laundry room without damaging my wheelchair. I am finishing accumulated laundry. My garden, where I have to hang the clothes out to dry, needs some arrangement (the ground is uneven and my wheelchair gets stuck sometimes) but it is something I will take care next week. I feel much better when I can organize my life better, cleaning, accessing all the places, etc. I am happy I am having the strength I used to have to take care of this little things. on the other hand, I have been crying for my ;-)mom, who died last year.

One day at a time one step at a time itll all come together! ;-)

Sent from my ALCATEL ONE TOUCH Fierce using Tapatalk

[TheOriginalMe]

Another day and another smile, this time accompanied by pleasure.
I started off feeling quite rough (hayfever season) and grumpy. I did some ironing, changed my bed and after that needed a sleep. My Mum asked me to do something for her and I didn't feel like it, but she looked so unhappy and helpless that I couldn't let her down. Later on I took her out for a drive and for a holiday weekend the roads were really quiet. We had a short trip out but it helped lift both our moods and that made me smile. Progress.

[Bigmike727]

Got plenty of sleep today, needed it. Finishing my last exams tomorrow, atleast until two weeks later. Feels like a temporary relief.

[smmath]

I am feeling really depressed and I have nervous energy which not is not a good combination for me. I really hate myself. I wish I could talk to someone but I am too ashamed of what I am thinking to tell people.

[tigerlily84]

Feeling down again. I am nervous about meeting this new T. I'm trying to think of what to ask him, but I feel like it's pointless. Not just because I feel like nothing will help me, but also because I was referred to him through my company's EAP program. I get to see him for 6 sessions for free. I have yet to check if he is a provider through my insurance. Onone hand, it will be good to see him for free, but if it turns out that he's not a provider through my insurance, then it would be a good idea not to get too attached. I'm overthinking things, especially since I haven't met him yet. We'll see I guess.

[Aiuto]

I have had a very hard time fighting my MDD today. It was 80 outside, very beautiful and the farthest I made it was my back porch. I cried a lot today and isolated myself in the house. I had to meditate a lot. I had some very upsetting thoughts and treatment from a guy friend. I am doing the best I can;(

[penguinh]

All I do is sleep... :/

[Swingset321]

So was productive today, finally. With 7 days left of school to go and 32 pages left to go on some very, very late assignments. I just need to pass this semester. Late, late nights ahead and trying not to beat myself up to much about not being able to get these things done sooner.

[Fuzzybear]

[painisme]

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real, oh

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self-control I fear is never-ending
Controlling, I can't seem
To find myself again, my walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real

Discomfort endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting (Distracting)
Reacting
Against my will I'll stand beside my own reflection (My own reflection)
It's haunting (It's haunting)
How I can't seem
To find myself again, my walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing, confusing what is real

(There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface)
(Consuming)
Confusing what is real
(This lack of self-control I fear is never-ending)
(Controlling)
Confusing what is real

[Grey Matter]

I have been mostly down since I returned from the hospital. I am getting really tired of "heart to heart"s people are having with me that just shame me. eh.

[regretful]

As the low-grade depression continues, I am beginning to think that dysthymia will be my epitaph...

[dandylin]

Having fleeting bad thoughts. Not feeling very optimistic for future, at this point. On the other hand, I am done with school until next fall

Had kind of a full day of activity yesterday with my husband, which has spurred me to action today: I've taken steps to apply for two paralegal jobs. I've just gotten to the point where I cannot stay home and feel useless ANYMORE. Not sure if I can actually hold down a job, but I'm willing to try again.

Originally Posted by regretful

As the low-grade depression continues, I am beginning to think that dysthymia will be my epitaph...

regretful, I'm glad you believe you are experiencing only a low-grade depression. That's a step up from where you've been, isn't it? Must put you on the low end of the "rating your depression" scale now, huh? I'm jealous . . .

[regretful]

Originally Posted by newgal2

regretful, I'm glad you believe you are experiencing only a low-grade depression. That's a step up from where you've been, isn't it? Must put you on the low end of the "rating your depression" scale now, huh? I'm jealous . . .

Yeah...from an 8.5 down to a simmering 7.5 (I guess). So, I suppose there is jealousy; but I am working my way back to that 8.5 or 9. Who says a watched pot never boils?

[StarStrike]

Slept until half past one in the afternoon. All I've done is sit at the computer since I've got up. I'm exhausted. I feel like going back to bed.

[bronzeowl]

I have become one of those cynical people that used to annoy me when I was a teenager. I keep wondering what one has to say or do to get someone to talk to them longer than 5 seconds. Voice their desire to end it all? Not annoy them? I don't know. People. Sick of a lot.

Depression is coming back. Relapse is getting closer. I don't care anymore. I am right back to where I was a year ago. Before it all fell apart. And I just. Do not have the energy to care.

[MotherMarcus]

Doing okay today. I've started riding my bike again. I've only gone out about 3 times for 20 minutes each. It's a start.

[mulan]

Life...What is it, anyway? I wish I had someone that I could open honestly about this subject.
Now I have a sure, a sad one, but something I need to get use to. I will never have a life, or what other people call a life, I will never have real friends and real memories. I will never be in one place and feel like I am in reality, I never did.
My only wish is not to get alone. If I get alone, then I will lose myself. I am literally nothing without people around me to give me some of their joy and energy. The sad part is that I can't give nothing to them, no one will stick to a person that don't offers nothing in return. If I don't have memories I can't miss anything.
I can make myself go around in this world where I'm not doing anything, while I'm not there, I can do the things that I'm supose to do in order to survive, like have a job, earn money. Like I allways did, do what I have to do.
But have a life is not so that simple, I need people that don't need me.
Meds, therapy? What meds, what therapy? This way of not existing belongs to me, and I don't belong anywhere, to anything. I had born to be like this way. Who am I lying to! This feeling is how it feels to be me, this is who I am. I can cover it and pretend for some hours that I am and feel exactly how the other people do, but that isn't true. And I sincerely doubt that it will be any diferent. I may be smart, I may have some good talents, I may be someone with a good heart. But unfortunatly nothing of that is enough. I will never be able to enjoy life, just because of the fact that I'm not really in the life. It's a sad, annoying true and God, how I wish it was different. I can keep dreaming those silly girl dreams. I can dream about finding love, about built a life...but I'm completly, absolutly sure that it won't ever be true. Because I can't, this is how my brain allways work, even that I don't understand why. Nobody will ever understand, nobody will ever figure it out, nobody will ever help me. I know for sure, I can see it surprinsingly good now. It's a shame. I could have been someone. I could have use my talents to be something I like. I will not say goodbye to life, in fact, how am I supose to say goodbye to something that I never met? But I won't either say hello to it, ever. I will be around, you will see me and perceibe me as a real person, I will never know if I ever existed. **** you life!

[TheOriginalMe]

Kept busy today. Spent time in the garden, which is very, very weedy and overgrown, full of bugs and beasties and has been neglected. Despite my poor efforts there are some really pretty plants all doing their best to greet spring with their flowers. I have an early climbing rose called Canary Bird, it has sunny yellow flowers right now. Next to Canary Bird is a delicate white flowered shrub called Exochorda it is truly beautiful. I also saw that there is a Great Tit nest in a crack in my garage wall, for such tiny nestlings they make a huge amount of noise.

I spent the day doing nice things and although the effort made to do them was huge and I nearly gave up several times, I made it and I'm satisfied. Hopefully, I'm returning to a more functioning depression and maybe soon I'll feel something more than satisfaction, perhaps if I'm lucky pleasure will return.

[Bigmike727]

Well, finished my last exams today, atleast for now. I am feeling very relieved.

[BrokenGlass]

Today was a low.... Real low.... Almost have up on even trying to function... Almost just have up..

Hanging in there

[smmath]

Not a very good day. Still depressed and stressed and I am very overwhelmed.