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  #451  
Old May 29, 2014, 11:10 AM
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pisces22 pisces22 is offline
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I can't stop thinking or more like panicking about old age and death. I tried sleeping without trazodone last night and I couldn't. I was too anxious and kept thinking too much. After 20 mins of taking the medicine I started feeling dizzy and I felt like I was having an anxiety attack, heart palpitations, I couldn't breathe and chest pain. My body aches this morning and I felt chest pain this morning but only for a few seconds. My back hurts too. I also feel empty. I feel like everything is meaningless. It feels like the life I knew was a lie.



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  #452  
Old May 29, 2014, 12:37 PM
Jojool Jojool is offline
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I can't stop crying this morning. I've been thinking back to when I was "normal" before all the depression, anxiety and being drugged up. I miss "me". I'm so afraid of loosing myself.....is she gone forever? Only to be replaced by this sad, sick person? I can't live like this. I just can't.
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  #453  
Old May 29, 2014, 01:38 PM
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today is just one of those days where i am sick of fighting and just want to throw in the towel.
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herethennow: This ward is a prison!
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dx: recurrent MDD.
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  #454  
Old May 29, 2014, 01:57 PM
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Disappointed. Nervous all day about visiting the parents. Made the effort. Home health people came in to set up her physical therapy for tomorrow. Then she was feeling bad, so I came home because she was wanting to go back to bed. So didn't really get to visit. My sister gets called on to be with her when dad is away, so she gets to visit. She was there when I got there and will be tomorrow til noon while dad golfs. Feeling jealous, too. And left out and hurt again. I wanted to start visiting my parents more, but I'm kind of remembering why I didn't visit so much... Yesterday while there, there were a ton of phone calls, and that is usual, not just because mom's home from the hospital. Or someone will stop in... I know they can't help it, but... Still feels bad...
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  #455  
Old May 29, 2014, 04:53 PM
Anonymous200125
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I have been a pretty big idiot today. I was feeling pretty self destructive and without going into specifics I got a bit carried away. I should probably get checked out at the hospital to be on the safe side but I'm just going to try and sleep it off and hope I feel alright in the morning. I have something at work that is pretty urgent so I need to be there for that.
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  #456  
Old May 29, 2014, 05:46 PM
Bigmike727 Bigmike727 is offline
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Well today went ok, my history exam I really excelled on, I love history anyone else share a passion for history. My area of expertise is Second World War and Cold War history.
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Medications: 0mg Prozac (Thank God), 10mg Zyprexa, 100mg Lamictal XR (for now may adjust as needed), 2mg Klonopin

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  #457  
Old May 29, 2014, 06:02 PM
chromegirl chromegirl is offline
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Rough day...I was weepy this afternoon and couldn't stop and ended up taking an ativan. I feel calmer now. Going to self-medicate with Netflix tonight...
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Just got off Seroquel, amen and hallelujah!

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  #458  
Old May 29, 2014, 06:10 PM
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Weird I was sure I posted in this thread last night, but I can't seem to find it now. I know I've been a bit paranoid recently, but now that mood has passed then posts start to mysteriously disappear??????

So the the things I was worrying about this week turned out better than expected, but I got kicked in the teeth by biology and I've started bleeding again and it is even heavier than before
The drug that stops the bleeding is not kind to my mood. Back between the rock and the hard place.
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  #459  
Old May 29, 2014, 06:15 PM
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waterknob1234 waterknob1234 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bigmike727 View Post
Well today went ok, my history exam I really excelled on, I love history anyone else share a passion for history. My area of expertise is Second World War and Cold War history.
I love history. It's so interesting. I like stories of the second world war, civil war, American Revolution, and Native American history.
Thanks for this!
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  #460  
Old May 29, 2014, 06:19 PM
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waterknob1234 waterknob1234 is offline
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At least it was a quieter day at work today and I am calmer. Trying to keep myself from being utterly miserable. Big Mike reminded me of the person I used to be. I had a passion for history, gardening, all kinds of stuff. Now I just sit in a land of exhaustion and sadness.
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  #461  
Old May 29, 2014, 07:32 PM
Espresso Espresso is offline
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Today was empty, then better, then normal, then worse, then better, and then much worse. The end.
  #462  
Old May 30, 2014, 08:55 AM
regretful regretful is offline
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Sadness and regrets...depression keeps me in the mindset of what could have been with my life...it's painful, tiring and lonely.
  #463  
Old May 30, 2014, 05:51 PM
Bigmike727 Bigmike727 is offline
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Well I managed to catch some laughs off of my Chemistry exam, so that brightened my mood a bit.
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Medications: 0mg Prozac (Thank God), 10mg Zyprexa, 100mg Lamictal XR (for now may adjust as needed), 2mg Klonopin

  #464  
Old May 30, 2014, 05:58 PM
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Nammu Nammu is offline
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Black mood and no hope.
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…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
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  #465  
Old May 30, 2014, 06:03 PM
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I had a lot of guilt today, I'd said I'd take my mum out for her birthday (84 on sunday) and I had to let her down because of the heavy bleeding, it can be very embarrassing. I'll try to take her out on Monday but I feel so bad because she was looking forward to it.
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  #466  
Old May 30, 2014, 07:46 PM
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My day started with dark thoughts and feelings. Then I went to work and had a panic and anxiety attack at work, despite being on anti-anxiety meds. As the day went on things got better. I keep thinking everybody at work is "out to get me". But my logical mind tells me this is not true. I wish I could control the bad thoughts but I just can't. At least it is the weekend and I do not have to work tomorrow.
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  #467  
Old May 30, 2014, 11:06 PM
imtrying imtrying is offline
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I was caught in a similar trap -- made to study for a field I didn't like or have any talent for because I could never make a living as a writer. I surprised them all. I established myself as a writer by positioning myself as an expert in the subject I was made to study. Knowing the odds against getting a novel published I focused on non-fiction. I wrote nights and weekends (after kids were in bed) until I had the credentials needed to get a job in the writing field. Perhaps you can do the same. You would bring a unique perspective to the art world and the combination of your knowledge and artistic talent could make for some very commercial opportunities. Good luck.
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  #468  
Old May 30, 2014, 11:09 PM
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The last few days have been pretty bad. I was actually doing great for a long time before that, but then on Wednesday everything just crumbled... Today and yesterday weren't as bad as Wednesday, but I'm still just feeling really sad and stupid and worthless, and I've really been wanting to self harm again. I guess this is just how it goes.
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I am attempting recovery from depression, social anxiety, self harm, suicidal ideation, and some crappy life stuff.
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In therapy since: 1/13/14


I threw my blade away on June 6, 2014.

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  #469  
Old May 31, 2014, 10:49 AM
regretful regretful is offline
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What is it about depression that has such a hold on me? Nothing in this existence is as bad as depression...
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  #470  
Old May 31, 2014, 11:56 AM
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filthylessons filthylessons is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bark View Post
As the last thread reached 100 pages, here's the new one.

How are you feeling today?
I'm still reeling over the death of my best friend from back in high school. He was murdered, stabbed to death on the street by someone who he knew well. He was just trying to protect his sister.

The funeral was yesterday, and the pastor was terrible. Barely said anything about my friend.

My (partner, live-in, whatever) had kidney stone removal surgery yesterday and that's made for a pretty fun time.

My job sucks, my online classes aren't engaging me mentally, and I feel trapped like a wild bird.

Last edited by darkpurplesecrets; May 31, 2014 at 12:15 PM. Reason: added trigger icon....
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  #471  
Old May 31, 2014, 02:11 PM
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maddnessreturns maddnessreturns is offline
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Pretty bad today. I feel like I'm relapsing back into my anorexia. I just want to go buy a scale so bad.

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  #472  
Old May 31, 2014, 03:09 PM
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Awful.
I want to go to a hole I know of, hide away for the day, and forget I exist.
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  #473  
Old May 31, 2014, 03:37 PM
Anonymous37807
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Decent day, despite the lingering depression. Just did all these things with my husband: went on a 4-hour fishing outing, out to lunch, out for ice cream, dog walk. Now it's about 1-1/2 until I retreat to bed (great sign that I'm still depressed). But at least I got out and did stuff today!
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Thanks for this!
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  #474  
Old May 31, 2014, 04:02 PM
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feeshee feeshee is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bark View Post
As the last thread reached 100 pages, here's the new one.

How are you feeling today?

Started out really depressed. Not much sleep. Went out to rake yard which helped. Feel relaxed presently. Hope it lasts!
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  #475  
Old May 31, 2014, 04:10 PM
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lizzyjb lizzyjb is offline
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I have dated with old friends. One of us passed away two years ago. One of us can afford this lost. It has been so hard. Don't feel so good tonight.
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