I guess today was an okay day. It seemed to go fast for some reason. I'm still waiting for a phone call from a prospective employer (paralegal position) and am very impatient about it. The potential employer is a friend of a friend. My friend promised me the employer would call me. Still waiting.

[mulan]

Once again I've been very busy to be around.
I feel it like some kind of obligation, some times, like I had the job to answear others questions. Well, but I'm not doing that for a long time. So I feel somehow like I should not benefit from something to which I don't give anything back.
Any way, I have this big question on my mind, and I really don't know what to do. In my last apointment, last moth, my doctor told me that she thinks I would benefict from psychodrama terapy! I told her I would think about it, but I still don't know what to do. I didn't told this to anyone, I kept it to my self.
I feel like this kind of therapy is a long shot...I can't predict if it will help me, and I know that it will make me feel bad, because of so many things. But specially because of my social anxiety. I guess I'm looking for a sign to tell me what to do, because I really don't know.
Just the fact of thinking about me going there and doing the therapy makes me feel anxious. Any thoughts?

[Bigmike727]

Well today was pretty fine. I finished my last exam today so that is one stress off of me. Sometimes I still feel as life is pointless though, like no matter how hard I try to go forward, something always holds me back.

[TheOriginalMe]

Originally Posted by mulan

Once again I've been very busy to be around.
I feel it like some kind of obligation, some times, like I had the job to answear others questions. Well, but I'm not doing that for a long time. So I feel somehow like I should not benefit from something to which I don't give anything back.
Any way, I have this big question on my mind, and I really don't know what to do. In my last apointment, last moth, my doctor told me that she thinks I would benefict from psychodrama terapy! I told her I would think about it, but I still don't know what to do. I didn't told this to anyone, I kept it to my self.
I feel like this kind of therapy is a long shot...I can't predict if it will help me, and I know that it will make me feel bad, because of so many things. But specially because of my social anxiety. I guess I'm looking for a sign to tell me what to do, because I really don't know.
Just the fact of thinking about me going there and doing the therapy makes me feel anxious. Any thoughts?

If this is a group therapy and you could ask if you could sit in on a session before making a full decision. Sounds like it would be good for social anxiety because you will have to break down your inhibitions. I have to admit I don't think I'd want to do it though, I'd be scared of not taking it seriously and spoiling it for someone else.

It doesn't matter if you don't have time for answering questions, that's the beauty of this thread, it isn't really about the answers, it's about just being here. I get a bit anxious if I don't see a post from someone for a while, but that's just me. I've been stuck for a good few months and I feel a bit of comfort seeing familiar names knowing that it isn't just me (not that I want anyone else to be stuck of course, just that being stuck is lonely). Anyhow, keep us posted on the psychodrama therapy if you decide to give it a try.

[TheOriginalMe]

Not quite as self destructive today, but horribly tired and anxious with a sense of impending doom. There is part of my history that is eating away at me, but it really is best left in the past, the trouble is this particular genie won't go back in its lamp, what to do?

[healingme4me]

I haven't checked in since page. 37/51. It's not that I'm not going through depressive times, because I am. Yet, ask anyone irl, my overall demeanor since getting settled in, at my new place, in an environment I feel comfortable in, and I'm more of a smiling conversationalist.
Know what my colleague said, about being a fink? I did it 'For your own good!' (Say. What?!)

Yep, yep, yep...

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[Nammu]

I don't feel like I have a place here on PC anymore. Don't know if it's true or if it's my illness that tells me so. Don't feel like I should be here in this world any more.

[depressedgoldstar]

im depressed as ****
I think im going to go to the hospital

help
;(

[KaylaBug26]

Originally Posted by sidestepper

I don't feel like I have a place here on PC anymore. Don't know if it's true or if it's my illness that tells me so. Don't feel like I should be here in this world any more.

I'm sure that's not true hun. I may still be a newbie here, but from what I can tell everyone's very caring, and I don't see any reason why you wouldn't have a place.

[RunningInTheRain]

I was happier for parts of the day than I've been in a while, but I've also been really sad for parts of the day. That's partly because my coach may be leaving...I've known him for three years and he's helped me through so much (he was the second person, after my best friend, that I ever confided in, and the reason I'm in therapy and everything now). I'm going to miss him so much if he leaves.

[regretful]

Me...I'm just sad; I woke up today weeping, longing for the life that I used to have. Despite my wife telling me, "your focus on the past is not doing you any favors", my thoughts drift back to the times when I was happier. I feel stuck in this depression, which lately is more like quicksand - the harder I struggle to get out, the deeper into it I go...

[dandylin]

I wish I could get past the fact that I have lost so many years to this disease. It's not fair and I feel like stomping my foot until I get my time back. The cosmos is a jerk.

[herethennow]

Originally Posted by sidestepper

I don't feel like I have a place here on PC anymore. Don't know if it's true or if it's my illness that tells me so. Don't feel like I should be here in this world any more.

That's the depression talking. You're always welcome here

On another note, I'm okay. Met T the other day and we graduated from CBT, yay. It has been a long 1 and a half years... and T is thinking of going into schema next. I declined, as I will be busy soon and I don't think I'll have time to dedicate my time to T's homework.

Also, pdoc is leaving. I'm not sure how I feel about this.

[Espresso]

It's been a little better today. I have some energy, I've actually gotten a couple things done, and I have plans to eat tonight.

[Psykick]

I've been feeling pretty down lately. I've research for a cure to depression besides therapy and medication...and I learned that a hug can help with the disorder or just simply talking to someone because your body releases oxytocin. Anyway, I've suffered from dysthymia or minor depression for a few years, but I was able to overcome it with social support at least for awhile. :/ Unfortunately, I have difficulty with connecting with others offline, so I don't have any friends at the moment. Hoping for a 1 on 1 chat with someone.

[tokiwartooth]

Ugh! I broke two pieces of our $30k nitrogen analyzer trying to FIX something, now they had to ship us an emergency replacement and I'll be darned if I know how to put that thing together!

[eeyorestail]

I was doing fine yesterday, but today has been pretty bad. Feeling quite down.

Originally Posted by dandylin

I wish I could get past the fact that I have lost so many years to this disease. It's not fair and I feel like stomping my foot until I get my time back. The cosmos is a jerk.

I hear you dandylin. I haven't lost years, but I've definitely lost the last 10 G-damn months! I've had enough - - this isn't fair!

Am just very frustrated today. At the urging of a mutual friend, I have called a potential employer twice about my interest in the paralegal position he is apparently trying to fill. I called and left a message Friday morning and then this morning. Still no call back! I'm really impatient about this/on pins and needles. I just want to hear from this guy so I know one way or the other if this is a possibility for me or another dead end.

Other than that, feeling extremely bored again today. About 3 hours until I hit the hay (not to sleep but to "check out" for the day) Hubby will be home in about 2 hours or so.

[lizzyjb]

Plenty sick of being myself

[pisces22]

My depression and anxiety had never been so stubborn before. I'm mentally and physically exhausted. I wish I could turn everything off for a while. Today, I feel mostly depressed. I wish someone could tell me something reassuring.

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[TheOriginalMe]

Originally Posted by sidestepper

I don't feel like I have a place here on PC anymore. Don't know if it's true or if it's my illness that tells me so. Don't feel like I should be here in this world any more.

It is your illness making you feel like that. I'd miss you if you weren't here.

[TheOriginalMe]

Vague feelings of physical unease, could be Cymbalta discontinuation effects? It isn't terrible just vaguely unpleasant like being in a stuffy room but it has dragged on for a week now.

I'm irritable today and my temper is always ready to erupt at the slightest provocation. Honestly, I've no energy for anything else so how come I can lose my temper so easily. Once I've been angry I then feel so guilty and then the self loathing creeps back.

Finally get to start Valdoxan tonight.

[maddnessreturns]

Exhausted. Haven't been sleeping the past few nights. My medicine keeps me awake. And I still wake up at like 8am when I can't fall asleep until like 2am. I hope it evens out soon.

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[tigerlily84]

I'm doing my best to by happy. Well, as close to it as I can get I guess.
The other day I found a long white hair! lol it's not my first white hair (I've been getting them since I was 26 or so), but the contrast against my black hair is ridiculous! I can only laugh, so that's what I'm going to do. My 20s will be over soon... here's hoping to a better decade.