[Avatar10]

Originally Posted by birdpumpkin

Well, yesterday my husband found a vehicle, and we were pretty much held hostage in the dealership til we bought it. The payments at over $400 were impossible, so they came down, still too high. Finally came down to $285 a month - still more than we wanted to do, but they said for this type of vehicle that was the lowest they could go. I would've preferred to have told them sorry and left, shopped around before choosing anything, but my husband took it. Now I'm fretting about how in the world are we going to pay for the thing?? It's more than our mortgage!! Another bill to have to worry about now, and we can hardly pay the ones we have. Woke up in bed worrying about this... Hello new day...

(((hugs)))

[Bark]

I was telling everyone about my trip, getting ready for my trip, excited about my trip... and now it's cancelled. Out of my hands: I'm not the one paying for the ticket. Ah well. Maybe I'll get to go there another year; won't work out this year, most likely.

I was a bit upset, but feeling okay now. Planning some things to do this month because we're getting money in (supposedly; every month it's the same story). Maybe I'll work a bit at something I enjoy. But I'll take it as a month to try and relax and get away from everyone's problems (at least somewhat).

[glok]

Another day. Nothing special. Just another day.

[Juuso]

Last few days have been a blur. Been feeling really bad lately and it got to the point where I probably should've had someone watching me not to do anything stupid. This all has killed off the rest of my motivation to help, I don't even see it working anymore, just want to give up.

[TheOriginalMe]

I finally got something today. I now understand why I don't get many physical effects of anxiety (nausea, sweaty, dizzy, pounding heart those sorts of things). Adrenalin makes me cry, even when I'm excited I cry, when I used to compete in sport I'd cry, when I'm high I cry. When I'm anxious I cry, bucket loads, like a baby. So instead of the nausea, etc (which are the usual questions on anxiety screening tests) I cry. I thought it was the depression that makes me cry, maybe it is but also it is adrenalin. I feel strangely exhilirated by this new insight.

[Avatar10]

Second panick attack of my life. Both happened at work. It's getting scary...will the attacks go away or become permanent? Any thoughts?

[tigerlily84]

Avatar: No one can predict how long panic attacks will be an issue for you. Honestly, there really isn't any point worrying about that. Maybe consider what was happening at work prior to these events. Were you under stress, were you alone, etc.

As for me, I saw my brother and we had lunch. I haven't seen him in a couple of months and he's always a good sounding board to hear my troubles, and I his.

[Avatar10]

Originally Posted by tigerlily84

Avatar: No one can predict how long panic attacks will be an issue for you. Honestly, there really isn't any point worrying about that. Maybe consider what was happening at work prior to these events. Were you under stress, were you alone, etc.

As for me, I saw my brother and we had lunch. I haven't seen him in a couple of months and he's always a good sounding board to hear my troubles, and I his.

Thank you Tiger. I feel very discouraged today . I'll go in the emotional support chat later to see if I can talk to someone

[tigerlily84]

I'm sorry Avatar. I'm not exactly emotionally stable myself. I hope I didn't offend you. I hope you are feeling better. Please feel free to send me a PM.

[glok]

Sleep is rebelling.

[regretful]

The most miserable I've been in quite some time...it is the loneliness that bothers me most of late...seeing people around me, smiling, living their lives, enjoying them...I used to be one of those folks...depressed for going on 11 months...and it does not seem to be going in any direction other than down...how much lower can this get?

Thanks birdpumpkin for what you said, I do feel less alone here on psychcentral, knowing others are struggling too, although ideally we'd all be doing better. I wish the best for you and your son too.

I'm feeling more alone and don't know how to cope with it. I know not going out at all isn't helping but I've been in this town a few years and still haven't made a friend. I thought I had one, not really but she just moved out of the building and never said anything. It's hard after being married and with someone for almost 20 yrs, to go to always going to bed and waking up alone. It was a bad marriage, he turned abusive and cruel (although I wasn't perfect and wish I could change some things I had done). It's not even "needing a man", its the whole realization that there is no one to share life with or responsibilities, experiences...I am glad I have my son, at the same time the pain of my whole life having been a failure and seeing no hope for things getting better, makes it very difficult to be strong enough for him. I'm close to the edge but I know I can't go anywhere. I know I can't change the past, but it hurts me so much because I just want to have what I don't, go back and do things differently, but its too late. Then, the present moment is filled with anxiety because my future obviously will be spent alone. I'd be lucky to make a few friends, but most people my age already have established good friendships. I feel I have no value so making a friend isn't something I feel I can do, what would they want from me? My life seems like its one long failure. I didn't want to go on disability, because I felt I could still contribute something. Now it's been so long I feel my brain isn't capable of handling any job. But then what meaning or purpose does my life have? If I was a good mother, I'd feel like there was value in myself, but I'm not. I struggle to take care of basic things. Sorry for the long vent. For all of you struggling here, I really understand pain, I'm sorry and I hope the best to you all.

[Avatar10]

Originally Posted by tigerlily84

I'm sorry Avatar. I'm not exactly emotionally stable myself. I hope I didn't offend you. I hope you are feeling better. Please feel free to send me a PM.

How are you today tiger?

[Avatar10]

Feeling numb. At least the anxiety pill took off the edge of it

[tigerlily84]

Originally Posted by Avatar10

How are you today tiger?

I'm okay. A little anxious. I am at my wit's end with my current job so I'm trying to think about what I want to do. I'm looking at graduate degree programs and I'm getting information on them. I'm nervous about this change but the need to make this change is greater than my fear of it. It will be worth it, I know it.

[Avatar10]

Originally Posted by tigerlily84

I'm okay. A little anxious. I am at my wit's end with my current job so I'm trying to think about what I want to do. I'm looking at graduate degree programs and I'm getting information on them. I'm nervous about this change but the need to make this change is greater than my fear of it. It will be worth it, I know it.

I'm in the same boat! My like my job, but it's too stressful and they overload us with work, which makes matters worse. My pdoc advised changing jobs. I am supposed to start looking, but I'm super scared about getting into the 'unknown'

[TheOriginalMe]

I'm still edgy. I was told to expect a phone call today, I didn't think that it was likely that the people would call me though and I was right, they didn't call. I can feel the anxiety starting to build over such a little thing. How can I think positively when all my negative (realistic) thoughts are the ones that actually happen?

[glok]

Flatlining.

[tigerlily84]

Made an appointment to see a therapist tomorrow. I was lucky to get an appointment so quickly. I am barely functioning at this point. I've reached the point where I feel like I am in a depressive stupor. I will tell him everything, and I hope he can help me perhaps look into going on disability.

[Nammu]

Although IOP was interrupted and I'm not expecting my insurance to approve anymore time...I'm doing ok. Not great but ok. I'm not obsessing about the outcome.

[Vossie42]

Blah. Depressed. Unmotivated. Having problems with bulimia again, so double blah. Therapist really unhelpful.

[Avatar10]

Originally Posted by tigerlily84

Made an appointment to see a therapist tomorrow. I was lucky to get an appointment so quickly. I am barely functioning at this point. I've reached the point where I feel like I am in a depressive stupor. I will tell him everything, and I hope he can help me perhaps look into going on disability.

Hi tiger, very good news that you found a therapist. Wish you the best, (((hugs)))

I'm not doing well. I can't seem to motivate myself to do much of anything.

[Bigmike727]

Today was good, managed to get Internet hooked up in my new apartment, but then the voices started putting thoughts in my head again and told me to jump off my railing (I live upstairs) and kill myself. I stood strong though, I told them I wouldn't let them win. I got good things coming to me in life.

[oliamble]

Hello guys, doing good, have to work very hard tomorrow. Have a wonderful night.