[Wade_Wilson]

At the moment, I hate everything. I feel like ive accomplished nothing, and all my schooling has been wasted. Pressure from other people who dont understand me is making it so difficult to keep it together.

[Rose76]

Having trouble getting motivated.

looking forward to my psychiatrist appointments coming up: tomorrow with a new one locally. I would think he'll prescribe a new antidepressant since I've been on Effexor for 6 weeks with no change. Then next Monday I see the ECT psychiatrist. He'll probably want to manage my meds too. I wish I could just see him for ECT only because his office is about 45 minutes away.

[tigerlily84]

The good news is that my short term disability claim was approved. But my pdoc put my return to work date as 10-02, and the FMLA paperwork (that she also filled out) says return to work date is 9-15. So I guess I am approved for another month? Is it possible to be relieved and frustrated at the same time?

Is it self-indulgent to take the extra time? I feel torn and confused. I had a fun panic attack today over having to call my boss back to tell her "no I have to have more time off now, k bye!" Yeah.

[tigersassy]

Haven't checked in here for a while. Depressive symptoms are back. I knew it wouldn't last. Been crying for over an hour. Please just let this be hormones.

[TheOriginalMe]

Not so good, physically I'm doing just fine following my op, no pain to speak of, but my mood has plummeted. I seem to react to general anaesthetic with a mood crash, please don't let this one last too long.

[BubonicPlague]

I feel hurt.

He kept ignoring me on and off.

He has problems of his own and I have mine.

I can't deal with him cutting me off when he's not in the mood to talk to me.

He was my only friend. He was good to me.

I broke that promise I made to him, that I would be at his side.

He didn't seem to care or want me there for him.

So much for being a best friend.

**** it, Michael.

Forget it.

[waterknob1234]

I had a week where things were pleasant and peaceful for the first time in ages and then----crash!!! Today was horrible. It started out with doctors and bosses at work griping and fussing. Then I had a migraine. I am so tired of migraine headaches and pain. I came home tired but was determined to bake a cake for my son's birthday. I also had to find a dog sitter for our dog as my husband and I are going out of town this weekend. As I was mixing the cake batter I thought of my mother because it is her cake recipe. Also because Sept. 16 is the 5th anniversary of her death. I still miss her dearly. I started to cry a bit. I couldn't help it. Mama was a beautiful person.

[SeekerOfLife]

Oh, Waterknob, dear. So sorry you have had to go back to such a stressful workplace. And your dear mother! My mom has been gone for three and a half years (sigh).

[Nammu]

I'm feeling hopeful for the first time in a very long time. Yesterday I returned an email with the vocational rehab case worker and made an appointment for today. It went fairly well. I have a few things to do and we're going to wait for a report from SS and the IRS to find out my pervious jobs as I have no memory for dates. Also to find out whats my standing in regards to the ticket to work program. She mentioned the IRS as a possible place for me to work. They have a program for those who are disabled and not able to do a lot of physical work. Not sure how I feel about working for the man!

Kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop. When ever things go well I expect something bad to happen.

[Melodic]

Wow, I suddenly feel a huge wave of hopelessness and emptiness. Like life isn't worth living and it'll never get better.

[regretful]

Sleepless night of tossing and turning. Hopeful that it was just the adjustment to new medication; even though yesterday was only day one with it, I'm very sensitive to every chemical change to my body. I've got to get better, though achieving that feels so elusive.

[tokiwartooth]

I feel like I'm turning into a new person. Since Ed left, I've felt directionless. I need to find something else to focus on. I'm finally getting serious about my weight. I feel like I don't totally know myself anymore. Like I need to find myself. I was so focused on Ed that it was all I thought about. I need to focus on myself. I feel surprisingly calm and peaceful about it, even though I still miss him.

Saw my new psychiatrist today and he is super nice. He is bumping me up to 200 mg of lamictal instead of prescribing a new antidepressant. He also said that ECT is 90% effective and he would not discourage me from trying it. Not sure if that statistic is right but I'll latch onto anything that gives me hope for my chronic depression, and that gives me hope.

[dandylin]

I always feel responsible for everything. Whether it's my issue or not.

[Abe Froman]

Don't feel like complete garbage today, but just don't want to do anything. I'm at school and thinking I just don't even want to walk over to my next two classes. Didn't want to be in the earlier ones, but dragged myself to them. Couldn't concentrate at all. More thinking about therapy tomorrow and how I want to tell her things I've thought about the last session, except I don't feel like we're making head way because I keep bringing up old stuff and I want to be able to move forward too. It would help if I could get with her twice a week, but she doesn't like that.

This is what worries me, that one day I'll just stay in bed or something. I've done it twice in my life, over ten years ago. Where I was literally on my way to work and just pulled over on the side of the road and just never went to that job again. Worried that will happen with school and I'm so close to finishing.

[tigersassy]

Feeling crappy yet again. **** cycling. Do I call Pdoc or deal with it since its that time of the month? Fml.

[flours]

Not doing so well. I have lots of social issues that give me a headache. What's bothering me is that I could probably manage if I had more self-confidence. But I don't.

[tigerlily84]

I don't know that the wellbutrin is working all that well... I am filled with anxiety today. And now I'm crashing.... pdoc appt isn't for another 5 weeks. Fantastic.

Also: my leave was extended so that's good at least.

[TheOriginalMe]

I feel flat as a pancake. At least there is no anxiety, just lethargy and apathy.

Tomorrow I had planned to go to a flower show, but now I just can't make up my mind. The ticket price is expensive and I'm short of cash so I'm using that as an excuse. I know I'll be sad if I miss the show but right now the effort is overwhelming. A day out while the weather is still nice might be just what I need to lift my mood, but will I get too tired to enjoy myself?

What did I say about no anxiety????????? All that sounds like anxiety to me, I feel like I don't know myself very well.

Come on Me, get a grip, make a decision and accept it. The flower show will come around next year so missing it isn't the end of the world, but if you want to go there are plenty of places to sit, rest, eat and take in the view without hiking miles and miles.

Why are such straightforward decisions so hard? Does everybody else find things this difficult, I mean the "everybodies" in this world who are lucky enough not to be plagued by depression, anxiety or other such problems.

[BubonicPlague]

I'm irritated as of now.

I can't make up my mind rather to leave the relationship, or solve out our issues.

I could be just wasting my time dwelling on this. I could move on and do other things, such as a finding a friend in real life.

But maybe I am just being impatient with him, and that I've looked over the situation and overreacted.

I don't know if he's against me or not, but he is having a hard time as of now.

Maybe he doesn't mean it. I could be taking it too personally.

I just would like it better if he could communicate with me.

I really enjoy spending time with him when he is happy, and I like to be there for him when he's not.

Michael...

[dandylin]

I always screw something up

[regretful]

Day 3 of medication...fortunately, no side-effects to speak of, which is good because if I get them, I usually do in the first couple of days. Still very depressed though...

[Bark]

Exhausted. Long days, long week. I struggled to get out of bed today, couldn't focus in class. Felt better later on.

Saw my psychiatrist for the first time in half a year or so. I mentioned my sleep problems again. The solution? To sleep and wake up around the same time, to stop one of the meds I was taking (such a low dose it might have just been placebo), and to drink caffeine. Except caffeine seems to make me even more tired. I can't explain it. I barely drink caffeine, and a can of Pepsi before class made me more tired than I originally was.

Moodwise, holding on. Hoping I don't slip up, but some evenings I feel quite off.... it'll come back eventually, I know.

[Rubybaby]

Irritable and unstable. I hate my life.