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#801
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First day of 20 mg viibryd...MD appt this morning that went okay. Still very depressed and feeling somewhat hopeless about all of this. On the positive, no notable side-effects from this medication yet. Talking with the doc, the plan is to stay at 20 mg because I'm so sensitive to everything. I hope that this doesn't last forever.
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![]() Anonymous37807, Bark, Clara22, TheOriginalMe
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#802
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Today is really bad. Really wanted to skip all my classes and just watch netflix and cry and sleep and eat chocolate ice cream. Today sucks.
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![]() Bark, Clara22, Nammu, TheOriginalMe
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#803
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Its not just the depression the world really is going to *****, life is going to ***** and trying to cope with that on top of all the mental crap isn't good enough...its not good enough unless I magically become hopeful and optimistic about the future. Well why should I set myself up for disappointment.
Getting to the point I don't even care anymore let chaos ensue in this country, full on system collapse more chance of ending up in a dangerous situation how about WW3...bring it on humanity because its all meaningless anyways. Sure I have SSI income for now...but how long is that going to last, what happens when the government decides to cut the social safety network some more? People think it's easy having to depend on government money and that people who do that have no dignity...well no I do not like having to be on SSI, I don't blindly trust the system but I need something to live on so yeah I get so sick and tired of in the media and on opinion forums people talking all this crap on people on welfare, people who are homeless or just generally really struggling to get by. But before I write a whole novel I will end the rant here for now....if I must elaborate more I suppose I'll start a thread about it.
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Winter is coming. |
![]() Bark, Clara22, TheLastChapter, TheOriginalMe
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![]() Bark
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#804
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Nausea hit me like a ton of bricks today. I don't know why. The doctor I saw didn't know why. So I'm in bed and hoping it goes away by tomorrow; I missed two classes today. On the plus side people have been very helpful and nice.
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![]() Clara22, Nammu, TheLastChapter, TheOriginalMe, tigerlily84
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#805
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Frown . ****** day
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![]() Bark, Clara22, TheOriginalMe
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#806
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I'm disappointed with myself. I'm not depressed more like,... unmotivated. Not leaving my apt, not getting out of bed...just feel as if I have no purpose.
![]() I met with the vocational counselor last week and I'm supposed to look for a volunteer job I can do....everything is either too physical or requires that one have money. So far all I qualify for is hospice care or working in a hospital, both are things I'm trying to get away from. There are volunteer jobs that I could do but none where I live! Ok perhaps its more like I feel discouraged than unmotivated? ![]()
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Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
![]() Bark, Clara22, regretful, SeekerOfLife, TheOriginalMe
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#807
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Still having nausea and heartburn, I could use a painkiller for my back but fear it will make the gastric symptoms worse. I do hope this isn't the start of side-effect misery again. This antidepressant isn't doing much, but its main advantage is the low side effect profile.
We are having a run of grey weather, no wind or rain, fairly mild and a little humid although not intolerable but GREY. Suits my mood, grey. |
![]() Bark, Clara22, Nammu
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#808
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I've been going through a lot of major stessors lately (new job, new apartment with new roommates, a family member moving out of state, looking for a new car after being in an accident, loss of a pet, weight gain during my recovery from an eating disorder, change in insurance that's affecting my therapy,etc.). Right now I'm feeling out of control, and I'm not sure who I can confide in. Everyone seems to think I'm doing really great because I'm getting so independent, but I'm not. I feel like I need to be depending on others, but I just don't have anyone in my life that I can depend on 100%.
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Diagnosed with EDNOS and major depressive disorder |
![]() Bark, Clara22, Nammu
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#809
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The misery continues...
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![]() Bark, Clara22, TheLastChapter, TheOriginalMe
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#810
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I am really trying to be optimistic today. I get to see my counselor today. I am going to try my hardest to make the best out of today. Plus when I see her, it makes my days so much better.
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![]() Bark, Clara22, Nammu, regretful, TheOriginalMe
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![]() Bark, Clara22
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#811
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Really struggling a lot today. Waiting to hear back from pdoc's office re whether I can have the ECT or not. Apparently there's a potential glitch because of a slightly abnormal ECT. Plus, I'm without a car today so won't be getting out of the house. Feel stuck in bed, depressed and anxious. Don't know what I will do if I can't have the ECT. It's my last hope. Each minute that I wait for the phone to ring seems like a year. I'm calling again tomorrow if I don't hear back today.
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![]() Bark, Clara22, Nammu, regretful, TheOriginalMe
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#812
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Another grey day.
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![]() Bark, Clara22, Nammu, regretful
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#813
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I was really down today, I just get the feeling sometimes that I am expendable on my job if you know what I mean, like I am not important at all.
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Diagnosis: Bipolar Type I w\ psychotic features, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Medications: 0mg Prozac (Thank God), 10mg Zyprexa, 100mg Lamictal XR (for now may adjust as needed), 2mg Klonopin ![]() |
![]() Bark, Clara22
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#814
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I'm dealing with lots of the past coming back to haunt and tempt me. It's been an interesting thing to deal with. I don't much care for it even though I knew it was gonna happen. I have made too much progress to get swept up in all the BS my past wants me to succumb to. No.....ok....HELL NO!
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![]() Bark, Clara22, Nammu
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![]() Bark
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#815
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Just a ton of physical complaints today, I'll skip listing them and just say it's been a trying day.
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__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
![]() Bark, Clara22, regretful
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#816
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Kind of sucks right now. I was numb yesterday while on 60mg Cymbalta. Went to T and also family doc appointments. Family doc switched me to 150 Welbutrin starting this morning and said quit the Cymbalta.
So had a headache all day and now depressed again. SI thoughts aren't terrible, but they are back. Thinking about saying screw it and taking the Cymbalta and just not telling the family doc. I have an appointment with a pdoc in a week and a half anyway, I'll feel better discussing meds with him, feel like he'll have a better understanding. Last edited by Abe Froman; Sep 18, 2014 at 10:07 PM. |
![]() Bark, Clara22, regretful
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#817
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I don't know where to go from here.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
![]() Bark, Clara22
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#818
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Holding on to hope...still depressed, but still holding on to hope...
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![]() Anonymous37807, Bark, Clara22
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![]() Nammu
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#819
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Had to get my gum stitched again because it wasn't healing right. Yay for more pain. At least I have a painkiller; just waiting for it to kick in.
Doing okay otherwise. Stress, sure. Behind in my studies, definitely. But not depressed... not yet. |
![]() Clara22, Nammu, regretful
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![]() regretful
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#820
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It's been confirmed that Monday is go time for ECT. Now to make it from here to there without stressing too much!
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![]() Bark, Clara22, Nammu, regretful, TheOriginalMe
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#821
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Best wishes to you with this.
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![]() Bark, Clara22
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#822
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Depressed and hopeless
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![]() Bark, Clara22, Nammu
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#823
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trying to stay active and have positive thoughts.
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I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell |
![]() Clara22
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![]() Bark, Nammu
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#824
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I usually get especially down on the weekends, because I know that I will be spending them all alone even though I'd rather not. It's already started...so here's hoping that I can hold onto my lifesaver 'till it's over.
__________________
"Compassion is the basis of all morality." |
![]() Bark, Clara22
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#825
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Today I saw on the station and on the train, on my way home, a boy who was once my friends and to whom I did a crazy kinda stalker thing. It was more than five years ago, we talked after that and great each other few times after that, but I never know how to act when I see him.
Beside many things I am not sure what is his personality by this days. I really don't know how to behave. Today I was with my brother, he was with his sister and another friend of him. He and his friend were once in my class, we just ignored each other pretending we didn't know. I never talked much to his friend that I personally dislike. He also ignored me. We saw each other perfectly during some minutes. |
![]() anon20141119, Clara22
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